my therapist proposed a question. Are you sure your transgender

[Rose City Rose]

I'd say without a doubt I am.  I'm doing better as a woman than I ever did trying to force myself into a male role.

As for GRS... I've been digging deep on that question myself (in fact I've spent my entire summer agonizing over it).  I've come to the conclusion that yes, I would probably be better off with female anatomy, but I'm not yet willing to deal with the cost, physical pain, and risks that come with surgery and frankly, after a lot of research into it, I am not at all impressed with what today's medicine can do.  I just don't think it would ever be good enough for me; it feels like it would be a cheap imitation of what I really want.

If there was some way I could painlessly change my genitalia without being butchered then I'd do it though.

[Jessica-Louise]

Somewhere I heard an interesting set of hypothetical questions that are helpful in determining if you're trans...the magic button test:

Imagine a magic button that would cause you to wake up female tomorrow. You will be completely biologically changed. No one will have any memory of your boy self, you will have your memories, but for everyone else, it will be like you were just born a girl. The button can only be pressed once and is irrevocable.

Do you press it?

If yes, what if it works differently? What if instead of altering all reality, it just alters your body? So you wake up in a girl's body tomorrow, but everyone remembers your past.

Do you press it?

What if there were more conditions? What if for some reason the magical conversion left you infertile? What if you had to press it knowing a lot of your friends and family would reject you?

Do you press it?


For me, the answer is always yes.  What it shows me is that the desired outcome is always the same...I want to be a woman.  So then, really it's just the process of transition that is holding me back.  But because such a button doesn't exist, I have to just suck it up and get through transition if I want to reach the desired outcome.

The fourth option is a magic button that would change you to a cis-male.  You would suddenly forget about ever wanting to be a woman, and would live life happily as a man.

Would you push that button?

That's a great test. I'm planning on becoming a registered clinical counsellor and if I ever have any trans clients I think that'd be a really concise and logical test to get us started. I copied and pasted it into a document so I won't lose it. I want to give you good rep but I don't know how!

[Jess42]

Oh yeah, I agree. But I do find cis folk are very presumptive about themselves being the "normal" ones in the equation, especially when it comes to therapy.

OMG Grace, you are my hero. I don't know how long I have been saying that we are the normal ones and the cis folks just refuse to accept themselves. From fantasies to day dreams to dreams at night to trying on the opposite gender clothing at least once.

I remember watching Home Improvement one time and Tim Allen or Taylor on that show let it out of the bag he tried on his wife's shoes. J. Edgar Hoover. Rumors only? Interesting. Just this sight here shows more normalcy to me than a lot of the cis people I have to deal with.

[stephaniec]

My therapist just threw that one at me too, and I was also confused. I think he meant bigender, or bi-sexual as in being two sexes at once. Not as in sexual orientation. Just a guess, though.

well, she said I could live as both genders , sometimes male, sometimes female.

[Jess42]

well, she said I could live as both genders , sometimes male, sometimes female.

Yeah but the thing is are you actually non binary? Or do you want to be female full on?

I would be one to ask my therapist what they were and to think about it. It really sux having a little knowledge about psychology maybe even a better understanding than a therapist. With me it was some college, then figured out parapsychology was way more interesting but no kind of courses for it and then just pretty much learning the rest on my own. I think I have analyzed my therapists just as much as they have analyzed me. One has even asked me freaking questions. C'mon, really? But he was a good guy though and I taught him some guitar so... I got free therapy for a while. He even wanted to go on a paranormal investigation. We took him and I thought he was gonna, poop his pants at one time. Just a cobweb in a basement.

[Taka]

if you're a woman, then you are a woman. trans or cis doesn't matter in the slightest.
the only true transgender people are those of us who find ourselves beyond the commonly accepted concept of either male or female gender. a man or woman are well within that, and should be considered man or woman. i am transgender, traditional genders don't apply to me.

just making even more transgressions for the gender police to investigate...

[stephaniec]

if you're a woman, then you are a woman. trans or cis doesn't matter in the slightest.
the only true transgender people are those of us who find ourselves beyond the commonly accepted concept of either male or female gender. a man or woman are well within that, and should be considered man or woman. i am transgender, traditional genders don't apply to me.

just making even more transgressions for the gender police to investigate...

I don't know, but I like being trans.

[stephaniec]

Yeah but the thing is are you actually non binary? Or do you want to be female full on?

I would be one to ask my therapist what they were and to think about it. It really sux having a little knowledge about psychology maybe even a better understanding than a therapist. With me it was some college, then figured out parapsychology was way more interesting but no kind of courses for it and then just pretty much learning the rest on my own. I think I have analyzed my therapists just as much as they have analyzed me. One has even asked me freaking questions. C'mon, really? But he was a good guy though and I taught him some guitar so... I got free therapy for a while. He even wanted to go on a paranormal investigation. We took him and I thought he was gonna, poop his pants at one time. Just a cobweb in a basement.

what I think she's getting at is that GRS is not  the only solution to the gender conflict. we've been talking more about GRS lately I think she's just giving more options.

[Taka]

your gender and the body parts you think you should have are actually somewhat separate things. it's possible to have a strong enough feeling aome body part being wrong, that it causes severw depression and anxiety. this isn't limited to a transgender person's chest and bottom, some people will amputate a leg because they're unable to identify with it (amputation fixes their depression, therapy does not).
no matter what gender you really are, the bosy parts that you have a strong feeling need to be fixed, will have to be fixed for you to feel comfortable. if you don't really feel that need, it would be wise to think a little more though.

[Mark3]

Am I trans?

I honestly don't know. Not a clue. What I do know is that hormones and transition have made me a lot happier with myself. Guess I must be. 

Very intriguing... I didn't know you could go though it all, and not be certain.? 

[JoanneB]

It is an occupational hazard for me to always question and play out the mental "What if....? game. I question, even argue with myself, over "Am I a transsexual?".

No I am not a TS
1 - I like (some) guy stuff, like fixing cars, working with my hands, etc..
2 - I am attracted to women. It is not just envy but also sexually
3 - I am not attracted sexually to guys. (TBH post HRT they are more attractive)

Yes Virginia, you really are
1 - I always hated being in my skin
2 - I always felt I was faking being a guy
3 - I devolved down to the point of being a machine, not a person. Just going through the motions of life solely to survive. No hopes wishes or dream. Bar one that was given up on a long long time ago in a galaxy far far away.
4 - I now can look at all my inglorious nakedness and smile. The big hips and now baby boobies feel so right
5 - When I am out in the real world being the real me I feel happy just being me. I achieved my life long dream of being seen as and accepted as a woman.
6 - After a nearly 40 year absence I feel alive, I feel passion. I have emotions. I feel joy, I feel pain, I feel hope, I feel fear

In spite of all these facts, I still have to remind myself "I know what does not work". I spent many decades fighting with myself. I now know what does work.

I always have to be ever vigilante for my dear old friends of Shame, Guilt, and Fear. They are the rooting squad for "Oh no you are not"

[stephaniec]

It is an occupational hazard for me to always question and play out the mental "What if....? game. I question, even argue with myself, over "Am I a transsexual?".

No I am not a TS
1 - I like (some) guy stuff, like fixing cars, working with my hands, etc..
2 - I am attracted to women. It is not just envy but also sexually
3 - I am not attracted sexually to guys. (TBH post HRT they are more attractive)

Yes Virginia, you really are
1 - I always hated being in my skin
2 - I always felt I was faking being a guy
3 - I devolved down to the point of being a machine, not a person. Just going through the motions of life solely to survive. No hopes wishes or dream. Bar one that was given up on a long long time ago in a galaxy far far away.
4 - I now can look at all my inglorious nakedness and smile. The big hips and now baby boobies feel so right
5 - When I am out in the real world being the real me I feel happy just being me. I achieved my life long dream of being seen as and accepted as a woman.
6 - After a nearly 40 year absence I feel alive, I feel passion. I have emotions. I feel joy, I feel pain, I feel hope, I feel fear

In spite of all these facts, I still have to remind myself "I know what does not work". I spent many decades fighting with myself. I now know what does work.

I always have to be ever vigilante for my dear old friends of Shame, Guilt, and Fear. They are the rooting squad for "Oh no you are not"

just about  the same for me except liking guy stuff, I really can't handle guy stuff

[Rachel]

I think I understand. Your therapist is saying are you a woman or are you bi-gender.

[stephaniec]

I think I understand. Your therapist is saying are you a woman or are you bi-gender.

actually I'm getting quite confused  I've been happy with the term transgender. All I  really know is that I'm not happy presenting male I feel so totally right as female,