SOO SOO Confused...

[breastfriends]

 Hello My name is Robert, Im a woman. I noticed that as i was young I liked to do things that were not rite for a boy. I have allways loved the thought that if I die I will come back as a beautiful woman. I am just tired of waiting..
No Im not going to hurt myself ...You see the problem is If it was just me, I would go see a dr. and that would be that. But I have a five year old daughter that I love so much that I would rather stay who I am now than to hurt her. It may sound like a cop out, but its true. I ride a skateboard and dont skate across, the road because I dont want her to gro up with out a dad because I skated across the road. Same is true here.
Im married and have told my Wife (She was mad),Brother (who blamed the internet),and best friend (who was sad I broke her image of the manly me), of how I feel but no one has heard me.
No one has followed up with me or my feelngs.
Another issue Im 6ft 2 250lbs. I do not fit the bill for a woman. I truly do not care about sex, i could just live alone and just be me. I do relize that is not healthy but I could.
I am scared to hurt so many people just to make myself happy, and before you jump on me remember I have a family that depends on me..
I have started to try to feminize myself through herbs. hoping it will happen so slow that by the time anyone notices it will be too late to stop. I massage my breasts to help growth and take fenugreek.
well thats my story....I feel alone and confused, looking for anything with estrogen in it to help me feminize myself.   thank you.

[SorchaC]

Hi Robert Welcome to Susan's,

It's not my place to comment on hormones or herbs or whatever you take so I won't except to say be careful and read loads and loads from the resources available online so that you are well aware of what you're doing

My daughter was 6 when I had no option but to be me partly because of my wife and partly because I couldn't carry on as I was. My wife had known for years about it but as it went on she decided enough was enough and that's her right to do so. While it's right to put a child first also remember yourself as well. Likely your daughter isn't silly and will know as mine did something was wrong and kids know almost by instinct when things are off between their parents. I'm not saying just do this or that as nobody can advise that just to bare in mind that many kids grow up in unhappy families and later blame their parents for being unhappy adults, Only you can know what's right for your family Maybe you could feel better about yourself if you find a nice new name and start to think about life from a positive female outlook. That doesn't take anything away from your family just allows you to feel better about yourself and that can only benefit everyone 

Im married and have told my Wife (She was mad), Brother (who blamed the internet) and best friend (who was sad I broke her image of the manly me), of how I feel but no one has heard me.
No one has followed up with me or my feelngs.

There are many here all at different stages in their own journeys and all willing to say they've heard you and understand how you feel including me I'm sure you've found a new home for your new self and through people you chat to here you'll manage to make a path towards a happy future whatever way that pans out Feel free to ask questions if you have them

Good Luck

Sorcha

[Abby Claire]

Trust me, you are not the only transsexual person who has a child and wife. I can't comment on how to deal with it because I don't have a child or wife, but I will say you are very lucky to have a daughter you care so much about. I always wanted a daughter I could be a dad to and take care of, but as I've gotten older and come to terms with myself I've accepted that I will never be a dad. So hearing you go through this makes me really sad and I empathize with what you're going through.   

I hope it all works out for the best and the people around you come to terms with it and you're all able to talk about it make things better. Not talking about it or pretending you didn't say anything at all is terrible, trust me. Build a support group and find others to talk to about this (this forum is a good start, but it would be better to reach out to local support). Good luck! I hope you find help and the answers you're looking for.

[mrs izzy]

breastfriends
Welcome to Susan's family 
I know everyone wants to get a start on the process of being a woman. I strongly suggest you find a gender therapist and work on getting on the road to HRT. OTC regiments are a waste of money (use it to pay for therapy). They are a placebo effect more then anything. 
In the meantime pull up a chair and give a look over the following links for the site info...

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Safe passage on your path, popcorn?

Izzy

[Lostkitten]

Welcomeee !

Just wanted to say two things though! Just my thoughts. Make sure to toss them aside if you don't like them !

I am 6.2 also . I weight less, but you can lose weight! Noticed that many bigger people also often lose height as they lose weight (an inch or so, but still) good for you ! Height can bring insecurities but it won't make you less of a woman. If anything people will look at you and thinking they saw a tall woman. They are more rare but not non existent .

The other thing is about feeling alone and finding someone to stand beside you. I honestly think that taking herbs for changes at this time is not the right thing to do but you are the best to judge for that. It just feels that eventually there is no way around it and you have to come out while you are still insecure about it, and about the people around you. Also, which might be an unpopular opinion. How great it may be when someone instantly accepts you, you cannot expect it. Give people the time to let it sink in and in the meanwhile you can also explore yourself. With time people are a lot more accepting but don't force it on anyone. Imagine (weird example) that your wife came to you and told you she had gotten a great job overseas and she will move. Out of nowhere that is a surprise and you will need time to think it over, to give it a place.

But those are just my two cents ! I hope you can learn more about yourself on these forums ^^.

[ElDudette]

"Another issue Im 6ft 2 250lbs. I do not fit the bill for a woman."

I'm 5'7/5'8 and currently in the 250-260 range (down from 275! woo!) and on the muscular side and until i trimmed the beard way down I looked like and extra from The Lord of the Rings movies. You have my sympathy. It's definitely hard for us to see the butterfly in the mirror when we're still caterpillars.... Hell, we might not turn into delicate butterflies, but rather bad*** looking moths...   Just keep your head up, and keep talking to us, and see if there are local support groups as well. I mentioned it in my intro post, and i stand behind it when i say "Talking helps blunt the teeth of doubt."


Rock stead friend.

[Lostkitten]

I get so confused about those heights and insecurities of others anyway . In the Netherlands most native Dutch girls are around 6ft tall. Both my sisters are and all of their friends are also.

In the UK most girls again though were around 5.6 or 5.7ft or so.. I don't know how it goes in the US o.o.

If anything, my idol is Andreja Pejic. She is 6.2 ft tall and one of the best known models out there. You'l be surprised !

[ElDudette]

I get so confused about those heights and insecurities of others anyway . In the Netherlands most native Dutch girls are around 6ft tall. Both my sisters are and all of their friends are also.

In the UK most girls again though were around 5.6 or 5.7ft or so.. I don't know how it goes in the US o.o.

If anything, my idol is Andreja Pejic. She is 6.2 ft tall and one of the best known models out there. You'l be surprised !

In America there tends to be a lot of horrible social pressure and distorted out outlooks as far as visible appearances go.  There's a strong cultural mentality that you have to fit a narrow definition to 'fit in' as it were.  In broad terms men are to be tall, strong and athletic/muscular, whilst women are to be thin petite and slight/dainty.  There are exceptions, but it's still the prevailing social fixation.

[Abby Claire]

In the UK most girls again though were around 5.6 or 5.7ft or so.. I don't know how it goes in the US o.o.

US girls vary a lot. No one ever seems to notice though. Girls can be as short as 5'0" and as tall as 6'2" on any average day in any random neighborhood. I'm about 5'10" so I'm in this position of being shorter than the ideal 6' man and taller than the ideal 5'7" woman. So I'm relatively observant on the matter (and I'm a people watcher too). I've dated girls much shorter, the same height, and taller.

[Ferretty]

In America there tends to be a lot of horrible social pressure and distorted out outlooks as far as visible appearances go.  There's a strong cultural mentality that you have to fit a narrow definition to 'fit in' as it were.  In broad terms men are to be tall, strong and athletic/muscular, whilst women are to be thin petite and slight/dainty.  There are exceptions, but it's still the prevailing social fixation.

I know right, bah. So much freaking athleticism at this school that I think every second I have to deal with it I'm losing brain cells. And then smart people are considered the outsiders, go figure  .
Not to say that being athletic is evil or anything it's just that the school is so saturated with it.

[Lostkitten]

5ft o.O? Wow o.o.

Sometimes I read posts of (trans) girls wishing they were 5.6ft or so and I just can't imagine it. In the Netherlands you won't quickly find someone under 5.6ft. Being under 5.5ft (as for girls) is unbelievable tiny. I don't get why though. If you look at new generations it gets even crazier xD. My brother is 3 years younger than I am and told me he is now in a class of people around 18/20 years old. He is 6ft tall and is the smallest in his class. Us Dutch people are just weird . Downside though is that you cannot visit any country and not stand out x___x.

Don't Americans think in a more stereotype way because of the default high school standards? A certain hight to be a cheerleader, a certain hight to be basketball player, etc etc? Or is that just in the movies ?

[Abby Claire]

5ft o.O? Wow o.o.

Sometimes I read posts of (trans) girls wishing they were 5.6ft or so and I just can't imagine it. In the Netherlands you won't quickly find someone under 5.6ft. Being under 5.5ft (as for girls) is unbelievable tiny. I don't get why though. If you look at new generations it gets even crazier xD. My brother is 3 years younger than I am and told me he is now in a class of people around 18/20 years old. He is 6ft tall and is the smallest in his class.

Don't Americans think in a more stereotype way because of the default high school standards? A certain hight to be a cheerleader, a certain hight to be basketball player, etc etc? Or is that just in the movies ?

The movies feed into these stereotypes, but in common day nobody really cares. Guys aren't really teased for being short, unless they have reservations and feel emasculated then they might hear it from other men. Some short men have this urge to overcompensate and act tough all the time.

With women it's different. High school girls can be real b------ and teasing is common. So taller girls usually do have problems with their height and can be very emotional about it. Plus, despite most models being near 6' and on the covers of many magazines, guys LOVE petite short girls in the 5'4" range. So most tall girls may feel insecure about their height for that reason.

[SorchaC]

I am 6.2 also . I weight less, but you can lose weight! Noticed that many bigger people also often lose height as they lose weight (an inch or so, but still) good for you ! Height can bring insecurities but it won't make you less of a woman. If anything people will look at you and thinking they saw a tall woman. They are more rare but not non existent .

I was 5' 11" when I began transition in 2007, I am now 5' 8" which I am told is a result of long term hormone taking 

Another issue Im 6ft 2 250lbs. I do not fit the bill for a woman.

I used to have a friend who was also trans, She was slightly taller then me so maybe 6ft, She once told me I passed as a woman easier than her because I was heavier, Her logic was that as a really slim almost skinny woman she was expected to have a nice figure whereas me being larger people didn't expect to see the same really feminine shape, Also if you notice larger people have a different walking gait to slimmer ones meaning you get away with a less feminine walk and mannerisms due to the extra weight.

If it acts as a spur I'll admit I was heavier than you are now this time last year and suffering some other issues that added to the weight problems. I came to Australia last November and in the past 10 months I've lost 22 kgs (47lbs or just over 3 stones for UK folks) I haven't gone on any special diet or turned into some exercise junkie, I altered some foods I ate and yes I've somehow cured my fluid retention issue which my old medical team couldn't identify the cause of but mostly I'm allot happier in myself now and have lost the weight. I'm still too heavy and know how much I need to lose but the weight certainly doesn't stop me passing 

Hope that helps some

Hugs

Sorcha