If Ive been misleading..

[Mark3]

I feel a little misunderstood here, it's my mistake because it's come from my words I've written..

I know that I'm a bit new to most of the situations most here are facing, and because of that Ive hesitand sometimes helping, or saying too much,
or I may say the wrong thing at the wrong time, but I can't change that, it's true in that way I show insecurity, and need help sometimes..
And thank you for those who have helped me, it's awesome to know you are there..

But as far as me, myself and I, I'm very familiar with who I am, and where I am inside as far as gender... I know some here might not think so.?
I've had to live with myself for 55 years now, I know all of the things I'm interested in, all of the things I'm good at, and the things I have passion for..
I certainly have male strengths and a lot of male attributes, and those are strongest in my gender mix.. I also have a very passionate feminine side, I love female fashion
to almost a compulsion, I run multiple women's fashion pages online, and I'm very very good at it..! But I have no desire to present myself physically any different, I never have felt that, and never will, withexception to some special jewelry I would love to wear some day.. I loose myself in those pages, but can easily become my male self at will, and under threatening circumstances, that male side is a force to be wreckoned with, make no mistake..! I don't need anyone, or a psychiatrist or therapist to tell me who I am, I know exactly who I am..

Before I came here to Susan's, I lived constantly with the burden and life draining job of trying to be myself, yet live within the walls of the male only box I was assigned at birth.. I didn't know there was a way to be rid of my burden, be rid of they're boxes and walls, and just relax, and be happy and in me.. I found that answer here, I know I'm growing in some new ways every day, and may not know everything there is to know, but I am not a weak mass of confusion needing professional help to figure myself out..?

I am a happy person, unburdened and set free by this forum and many of you.. I am free, I am secure, I don't care a rat's behind what those in the CIS world say or care, I'm standing tall and being my true self no matter what..! Now that I know longer am burdened and drained of that energy each day, nothing can hold me down, and I am proud of who I am, and I feel GOOD..!!!!

There are times here when I just want to be happy and have fun with you all, but every last nook and cranny seems to have to have some therapeutic purpose, and that kind of brings me down a little sometimes..?

I know well that I'm not the brightest bulb in the pack, and my IQ is probably a few points below many here.. I never finished high school, and am not as educated as I'd like to be, and maybe that appears as innocence to people sometimes, but theres nothing I can do to change that now, and most of my friends quite like that quality in me..

As much as I have changed, and had my down days and lack of understanding at times, I am also so strong, I can support, try and protect, and look out for people here, without any harm to myself and my journey.. And I want to do that..! I don't want to constantly dwell on myself or my problems, I'd much rather lift someone else up, and smile and laugh and be happy in who I have become..

~Sighs of relief... I've needed to share that for a while...
Thanks.. love you all..!

[Jessica Merriman]

Sweetie don't ever apologize. You are doing wonderfully and I am glad you are with us. Without others of differencing opinions or experiences there would be no reason for this family to exist here. I welcome you input just like everyone else's. Hang in there sweetie! 

[mrs izzy]

As you know from me.

It's all good.

[Abby Claire]

There's nothing to apologize for. When you have the types of questions and confusion everyone here has, it's only natural to seek answers. Some find they're transgendered and some find transitioning isn't for them. There's nothing to be ashamed of either way. Those who have questioned their gender identity and discovered they were their birth gender have just as much a wealth of knowledge to share as those who feel in the wrong body.

[helen2010]

Mark3

I appreciate your post and your sentiment.  This is confusing stuff.  We change. We express. Folk listen. Folk hear.  Its very hard to capture and express exactly where I am at any given point of my journey.  Like you I try to help and to listen.  Your presence is a blessing and of real benefit to all of us, current and future,  Just be, yourself.

Safe travels

Aisla

[Mark3]

Oh thank you so much..!

Don't we have the best Mods anywhere here...!! 

I just wanted everyone to know how I feel..?
It feels good to just write from the heart..

[Jessica Merriman]

It feels good to just write from the heart..

Trust me sweetie, it is even better living by your heart! The feeling of freedom is just beyond words. 

I am so glad you feel better now! 

[Taka]

good to see you write it out clearly. we've had other people on these forums who also found that they were actually quite happy about their body, and just needed to learn how to be free of those boxes i order to live life happily. not all need a therapist to do so, and you seemed like that type of person to me.

i could probably have had good use of a therapist, but there are none to be found nea enough that only one day will be wasted by seeing them. so i had to make do without that gender therapist. a little bit more difficult for me because i'm not too happy with the way my body works, but it's not like i can't be happy even before i find a safe way to change that. took me way too long to figure that out on my own, but... who really knows if just any therapist would have been able to help me get to where i am now any faster than i could do it on my own (and with my friends here).

[Jess42]

I feel a little misunderstood here, it's my mistake because it's come from my words I've written..

I know that I'm a bit new to most of the situations most here are facing, and because of that Ive hesitand sometimes helping, or saying too much,
or I may say the wrong thing at the wrong time, but I can't change that, it's true in that way I show insecurity, and need help sometimes..
And thank you for those who have helped me, it's awesome to know you are there..

But as far as me, myself and I, I'm very familiar with who I am, and where I am inside as far as gender... I know some here might not think so.?
I've had to live with myself for 55 years now, I know all of the things I'm interested in, all of the things I'm good at, and the things I have passion for..
I certainly have male strengths and a lot of male attributes, and those are strongest in my gender mix.. I also have a very passionate feminine side, I love female fashion
to almost a compulsion, I run multiple women's fashion pages online, and I'm very very good at it..! But I have no desire to present myself physically any different, I never have felt that, and never will, withexception to some special jewelry I would love to wear some day.. I loose myself in those pages, but can easily become my male self at will, and under threatening circumstances, that male side is a force to be wreckoned with, make no mistake..! I don't need anyone, or a psychiatrist or therapist to tell me who I am, I know exactly who I am..

Before I came here to Susan's, I lived constantly with the burden and life draining job of trying to be myself, yet live within the walls of the male only box I was assigned at birth.. I didn't know there was a way to be rid of my burden, be rid of they're boxes and walls, and just relax, and be happy and in me.. I found that answer here, I know I'm growing in some new ways every day, and may not know everything there is to know, but I am not a weak mass of confusion needing professional help to figure myself out..?

I am a happy person, unburdened and set free by this forum and many of you.. I am free, I am secure, I don't care a rat's behind what those in the CIS world say or care, I'm standing tall and being my true self no matter what..! Now that I know longer am burdened and drained of that energy each day, nothing can hold me down, and I am proud of who I am, and I feel GOOD..!!!!

There are times here when I just want to be happy and have fun with you all, but every last nook and cranny seems to have to have some therapeutic purpose, and that kind of brings me down a little sometimes..?

I know well that I'm not the brightest bulb in the pack, and my IQ is probably a few points below many here.. I never finished high school, and am not as educated as I'd like to be, and maybe that appears as innocence to people sometimes, but theres nothing I can do to change that now, and most of my friends quite like that quality in me..

As much as I have changed, and had my down days and lack of understanding at times, I am also so strong, I can support, try and protect, and look out for people here, without any harm to myself and my journey.. And I want to do that..! I don't want to constantly dwell on myself or my problems, I'd much rather lift someone else up, and smile and laugh and be happy in who I have become..

~Sighs of relief... I've needed to share that for a while...
Thanks.. love you all..!

As long as you are happy with who you are. That is what matters. If you are happy with you believe me I am nothing but happy for, with you. That is all we can ever hope for Mark. Some find it with HRT, some with SRS, and some getting to know others. Like Jessica said, never apologize for being who you truly are. Cis or trans, here you are welcome to be you. Just be who you are and no matter what we accept who you are and you aren't alone.

[Taka]

(might have happened because people here often are quick to tell others to see a gender therapist when they finally realize they're trans)

[Mark3]

Thanks Taka...

Yeah, there seems talk of gender therapist in almost every topic by someone, I understand how important it can be for some.. I certainly would talk to one if they were sitting in front of me now, but like you, I have personal reasons for not being able to see one, and also just like you, I can accomplish a lot myself, and with the amazingly insightful people here...

[Mark3]

I will always be me Jessica, you can count on that..!
I'm proud of who I am for sure, just like you say..
And I am happy right now..! Like I said to you, my closet is always open to changes and new things..!
Thanks for being my friend.. 

[Jess42]

I will always be me Jessica, you can count on that..!
I'm proud of who I am for sure, just like you say..
And I am happy right now..! Like I said to you, my closet is always open to changes and new things..!
Thanks for being my friend.. 

That is the absolute best we can ever hope for Mark.

I used to be but as time goes by I find myself wanting to go farther into the female side. So it is definitely a dynamic thing.

Your welcome Mark. You have a lot of friends here and I am glad that I am one.