Hey everyone!
My partner is pre-op MtF, and we've been together roughly six months now. She started her hormones about two months ago now, and we haven't had sex since before then. This is due to various reasons, but after much discussion, we're ready to begin again.
Something that she has always struggled with, understandably, is dysphoria during sex. When there is any focus on her penis, it can be hard to pull her back into the moment so we feel like two lesbians making love again. Some days are better than others - there are times where she'll guide my hand to her panties or even slip my hand inside of them. Every time it comes to the point of putting the condom on, though, her dysphoria is obvious. As we use multiple forms of birth control, it's a necessity, but it made me want to find other ways to ensure that I can make her feel as female as possible in bed.
She states that she's never had a partner that makes her feel as feminine as I do, but it's not a struggle for me. I've never seen her as anything but female, and I treat my lady right. It's easy for me to do things like hold her up while she straddles my lap, take charge and move her physically on the bed (the fact that I can toss her around a bit makes her feel small and really turns her on - like I'm her Amazon), focus on the great little pair of breasts she's developing, or say things that make her melt (she about lost it then and there when I admitted how badly I wanted her legs around my waist). These are things that none of her other girlfriends have ever done for her.
Something else that she revealed to me is that they've never been open to using toys to penetrate her. I had an idea that this may be something she wanted way back at the beginning of our relationship. She revealed that she loved kissing deeply, because the feeling of my tongue in her mouth was the closest thing she could get to penetration without pain. This has always been at the back of my mind, but I didn't approach it until recently. When I brought it up, she stated that she'd always wanted to try, but she was scared. She was very interested, though, so I explained what I could and would do for her, if she so desired - fingers, tongue, toys. While the thought of my mouth there didn't interest her at all, she was very intrigued about the possibility of toys.
She has an aversion to sex shops, so I'm sure the options that are there for her are a bit overwhelming. I mentioned options that weren't phallic, or ones that vibrated. Size, color. Lifelike texture or hard plastic. With all of this, I emphasized not to be intimidated - just to see it as a lot of potential for pleasure, in the capacity she chooses. While she's still uncertain of what she'd want, my mention that I'd work her up to whatever we purchased by using my fingers, to get her completely relaxed and wanting it, definitely caught her attention. I think it's safe to say that we're both very ready.
Now, frankly, I'm just uncertain of what types of toys could work best for her. While I had a female sexual partner in the past, she had different anatomy, and therefore this will be new for me as well.
-Are there certain toys that you have found work best on your partner or yourself, as far as anally penetrating?
-Do you have any tips about her prostate? This will be my first time working with the area.
-Is there anything that you or your MtF partner found that helped with dysphoria and keeping her feeling female? I'm always seeking more ways to show her that she's all woman to me.
-Do you have any other suggestions for me about possibilities for our sex life?
I'd really appreciate any and all help given, large or small. Thank you in advance!
