How to deal with family

[ineverknewyou]

I'm one of those who have a harder time with family being really not supportive
Like, I can't go one day without hearing how ugly I look, how they miss the 'old' me, and can't even look at me without looking at me with 'disgust'...
idk really know what to do anymore, I try talking to them how I feel, but it doesn't really work
They are the reason I'm depressed about the whole thing, and feel bad just walking around the house etc. They don't talk much to me anymore, just when they have negative comments..
How do you deal with this?

[Christy]

If they are that un-supportive and they will not listen to anything you have to say perhaps the best thing to do is look for a new place to live. It might be that after you are gone a while they will miss you and be more open to talking about you being trans. It's never easy when family does not support you. I'm sorry they act that way toward you.   

[pianoforte]

I deal with family by giving them what they want and wearing the costume and mask they prescribe for me. Then I go out and be myself when I am not around them. It's not always emotionally healthy or even doable, but in the short term that's my option. Hopefully you have some other option or way to maintain sanity. But if not, make sure to get some time away, either by yourself or out with friends. It can save your life.

[Mark3]

Being treated so bad by family is probably worse than how we are treated by anyone else.? Family means more to most of us, and they're approval can mean the difference between us being happy and being sad and hurt.. If you have anyone outside your family with knowledge they would respect and listen to, like a school counsellor, or any adult that can support you, and talk to them in an informed way that might make them understand you better, but from an adult viewpoint they might listen too, maybe that would help your parents understand you better, and accept you more.?
I wish I could help more, I know family can make us feel so bad sometimes..

[Abby Claire]

I can understand.  Two years ago I told my parents and have felt a growing distance since (I'm not even transitioning yet). They assume I'm "better" now. So my mom says off the cuff things like, "You probably wouldn't like that since you're a guy" and it breaks my heart to where I want to cry. She doesn't say it with any deliberate reason, but it's just a reminder to me that hiding something they already know hurts. I just wish they would want to help me with this and would recognize how badly I need help.

[Felix]

I think you should get out and never look back as soon as you can, and until then do whatever it takes to please whoever you depend on. You can try to understand their viewpoint and be patient and rely on empathy, or you can be stubborn and cynical, or whatever, but it'll hurt less if you can strike some kind of balance with them. If you can escape their influence then you can define yourself first and deal with family opinions later. Try to do whatever you have to do to survive the situation though.

[Julia-Madrid]

Hi. Dealing with family is probably the hardest thing there is.

A while ago I did something that few of us in transition seem to do:  I tried to imagine how I would feel if I was one of my family having to deal with another family member's transition.  Doing this, and imagining it for a parent or sibling really brought home to me how much of a shock it can be.

My parents are fully accepting; my sister and her family are conflicted, but trying.  However, I made a decision not to force myself on my family.  Without being aggressive, I explained to my sister that I believed I had no right to create discord in her family unit, and if they could not yet deal with me, then I would wait at a respectful distance until they were ready.    We didn't need to go to such lengths,  but I was willing to do it to to keep the peace.

Even though it will hurt, I think it would be a good thing for you to gently explain something similar to the more sensitive members of your family, and then go live somewhere else. 

Above all, live your life looking forward!

Hugs
Julia

[helen2010]

Tough one but suspect that they are unlikely to change their attitude any time soon and this is not good for you.  If you can find other support then this may be manageable,  if not, then as Felix has recommended I would be looking to move.  You have a lot going on and a lot to progress.  A toxic environment is the last thing that you need.

Aisla