Being trans and feminity

[Sosophia]

Hi
I m posting this because i dont know if i m the only one,
But sometime i wish to be a bit more feminine than i am , like a longing for feminity , i discovered that there even are cis womens that got theses sort of issues of not finding themselves as feminine as they would like or that what they went trough life took a bit away from them there and that they wish to regain it . Its like at times the years of my life were i havent been able to live me , kinda "damaged" that part of me , like it has masculinized me , and the same about the education i got from my parents where theyr in general in my family not quite supporting feminity much or even would shun at it , and i v noticed the same in society , not just on mens , but on womens too , that society at times i feel doesnt really appreciate or respect feminity and try to force some masculinity on us in some ways , and that its kind of annoying , sometime i wish i d rather have been born a woman in the victorian era than nowadays, where even tough it might not have been so good for womens in many regard feminity was maybe a bit more appreciated or respected . And at times it feels like its even by being trans , like my parents at times still except me to be somewhat masculine  , and even had some "friends" be like this knowing this situation or sometime because of this situation .
am i the only one feeling like this about that ? Or is it just my particular experience from where i talk ?

[Foxglove]

In a way I can understand what you're saying.  Sometimes I worry about how feminine people perceive me to be.  But it's not something to dwell on.  I have to be myself.  And people will see me as they see me.  Nothing I can do about that.  But when I'm out and about people do treat me as female.  I'm pleased enough with the way I'm treated.

I think of all the women I know, the ones I have regular contact with.  It's hard to see how their femininity can be questioned, and I'd be surprised if they even think about it very often.  Whether femininity is devalued is of course another question, but I don't see many of them worrying about that.  They will talk a lot about the injustices they see being done to women, but that's not exactly the same thing.

No, the women I know seem to be comfortable in their skin.  If I could get inside their minds, then maybe I'd see something different.  But I just have to go by what I can see of them.

[Sosophia]

For me i do not mean it is about how others perceive it , but like how it is inside me o, how it is working , i found some peoples have way to try to "brainwash" you out of some of the stuff that happen inside you or behavior or how u think or feel about things like them telling you its wrong or that i need to change that , i even came to be guilty of some of it believing it , and some of it did me no good , like how i felt when i was younger was never something much to discuss or be taken care of or listened as if all this stuff inside was of no value , sometime i still have unconsciously that picture of my parents with this attitude coming up wich scares me ,and if i wasnt too much conscious of it sometime i listened to it , or that i shouldnt feel this way but rather this way , i started to have gone past and understood it  ,but there are others , and its things that are part of me but that i dont feel i really want , but rather that has been put there by others when they tryed to "mold" me , and i feel like its annoying at times.

[DelKay]

I have a trans friend who was talking to me about what it's like being trans for her and she brought up a great point that kind of stuck with me. She doesn't really see genders as something to separate and define who we are anymore. Rather she defines who she is. She loves wearing boots and getting messy with cars and playing video games. Who cares how other people rate you on the masculine-femenine scale. It's completely moronic. And you know what? I agree with her. Be who you are. Define who you are. Don't let a preconceived notion of what men or women are supposed to be like, stop you from doing what you like. If you love to do feminine things like wear women's clothing, wear make up and shop till you drop, go for it! I know I do lol. And if you love skate boarding, playing video games and eating like a pig, do it! Because I know I do. Cause at the end of the day if you're authentic and you are yourself, people are gonna say, "damn that's one cool chick" or "shoot he really knows how to have fun".

[Gothic Dandy]

Hello, ladies...mind if I chime in?

Sosophia, I think I understand what you're talking about. I'm female-bodied and have always felt not-quite-feminine. It's why my being transgender makes sense to me (it's a recent revelation), so it's probably a little different than what you described in cis-women, but...it sounds similar.

Like you said (if I understood correctly) it's not really about how others perceive me, more about how I perceive myself. And yes, I think who I am was partially shaped by society. Actually, I have conflicting feelings about not being feminine enough, vs. being more feminine than society wanted me to be and burying those parts of me deep inside.

I feel VERY strongly that Western society does devalue the feminine in people of all genders. Even certain feminists view their own femininity as a weakness to be shed, which to me is hypocritical.

[Sosophia]

I feel VERY strongly that Western society does devalue the feminine in people of all genders. Even certain feminists view their own femininity as a weakness to be shed, which to me is hypocritical.

Yes i do feel the same too , and as you said its like society except to not be as feminine at times , and it can quite be annoying , i try to allow it to me when i can and sometime it takes to say "no" to society in a way , at times it just feels exhausting and that i dont comply wich feels like a sort of conflict with society  wich can feel annoying.