Stuff Strangers Say

[NathanielM]

Ive got the 'how can I help you si..ma..uh' thing. never heard any of them say whatever you are but generally they stare at me with panic in their eyes and I secretly enjoy it  Oops. Then I've got kids asking parents and parents shushing them, which I really think is sad. Learning moment here parents, use it. If a kid asks me I always ask what they think first, and explain you can't always tell. I wish some adults would ask before they just say what they think, like the kids do.

And I've gotten passing related reactions, like old ladies asking me if I shouldn't be in school and not believing me if I say I'm in college. Or on the train, when I'm sitting there in my hoodie, the person who checks the tickets being really rude and short with me until I open my mouth (and stop passing immediatly) and he suddenly becomes superpolite and patient? So strange, so I look like a teenageboy and you treat me like ->-bleeped-<-? Or the other way around I've recently had because my voice has dropped. This guy comes to stand really close to me in the subway, clearly being sleazy (there was plenty of room and he had that little smile on his face). So next stop I push past him to stand in the open space and paying attention to my voice ask 'what do you think you're doing'. He looked so shocked, and he was apologizing and stuttering: 'wow sorry dude, I thought...->-bleeped-<- sorry...'. And kept looking me up and down XD

[LatrellHK]

Okay this happened today and honestly was hilarious to me. I was at drivers ed and theres a door for females and male bathrooms. Obviously the teacher knew my gender from the start so I couldn't fake my way into the females, but the classroom apparently didn't. I hadn't noticed they all thought I was a guy the whole time (so at least my voice passes!) Anywhere heres what happened when I walked out and saw everyone looking at me horrified.

me: what?
Girl 1: What the h___? are you a pervert or something?
me: uhhh, what?
Girl 2: Thats the girls bathroom way, you know.
me: I know. And?
Boy 1: And the guys bathroom is *dramatic point* right there!
me: I've noticed. (i know what they're getting at I decided to play stupid)
girl 1: So why did you go to the girls bathroom then?
me: Maybe because my ID says female, maybe because I have breasts, a vagina, and a monthly demon. Maybe that has something to do with it, but heck I don't know.
Everyone (or the basic sense of what they were saying): You're a chick??
me: *smile* Yup!
Everyone (again, basic sense of it): Oh my God! I'm so sorry! I thought you were a guy! I couldn't tell! Do you get this a lot? Are you, like, a transgender? Wait, so you're a lesbian then? *insert 20 more questions*
me: haha. It's cool. I can see! Obviously! Yeah, I do. Yes, ma'am I surely am! The correct term is "Stud" lesbian. *answer, answer, answer*

So basically, I thought my voice would deter people from thinking I was male. Guess not. I guess, pre-T and all, I pass pretty damn well. Now I don't see any of them for 98% of the time so they are basically strangers to me.

[captains]

My ex used to wonder why people feel the need to tack on a gender-specific term, or even any term at all. He would have gone with "How can I help you?" and left it at that. I find that a little abrupt.

Actually, I've always rather admired the nonspecific "comrade." But then we would all sound like holdovers from the former Soviet Union.

This is rough. As a non-binary person, I'm hesitant to affix a gender specific marker like "sir" or "ma'am," but at the same time, I can't help but hold certain expectations of politeness. I constantly want to call people by some honorary title as a show of respect. I honestly wish comrade was a thing here in the U.S., so I give a "head nod" to folks without gendering them inappropriately.

[Ianianian]

I never ever pass in public and the ONE TIME I DID it was at the Atlanta airport. So I was going through security and one of the people go "Sir, we're going to need you to step over here for a random check" (or whatever, something like that) and I'm thinking ohhhh nnnooooo. So I go over to them and they start, like, patting me down and the second they realize their "mistake" they like fly off of me and say "you'refreetomoveonma'am" real quick and they look over to their colleague all wide eyed and I'm trying so hard not to crack up any my mom just looks like she's going to die.

The other really good one was when I was walking around in petsmart alone one day and these two little boys with their dad (one was about seven and the other was about nine) were in the same aisle and I hear the older one go "is that a boy or a girl?" and the younger one replies "I don't care, they're wearing a Mass Effect t-shirt!!!!!!!" in the most excited voice you've ever heard. It was pretty much adorable.

[Felix]

My developmentally disabled teenaged daughter likes to wear sparkly dresses and princess costumes, and sometimes a stranger will tell her they like her outfit and then turn to me and apologize for hitting on my girlfriend or my sister. My skin crawls with all the layers of wrong. She usually informs them that I'm her dad, so they get confused and sometimes apologize again, but they aren't bothered by what I think is actually creepy, so we tend to hastily part ways with entirely different ideas about what just happened. This happens a lot. It really makes me resent some strangers and the stuff they say. I feel like we wouldn't have this problem if I looked as old as I am.

[AdamMLP]

I never ever pass in public and the ONE TIME I DID it was at the Atlanta airport. So I was going through security and one of the people go "Sir, we're going to need you to step over here for a random check" (or whatever, something like that) and I'm thinking ohhhh nnnooooo. So I go over to them and they start, like, patting me down and the second they realize their "mistake" they like fly off of me and say "you'refreetomoveonma'am" real quick and they look over to their colleague all wide eyed and I'm trying so hard not to crack up and my mom just looks like she's going to die.

I had this situation a few times. On a school trip the cis guy before me was called through the gates with "Come on through Miss", and then I was called through with "On you come Sir". Fortunately everyone was too busy laughing at him to notice me as I wasn't out yet, and thankfully it was one of the only times in my life that the alarm didn't go off.

Another time I was flying out and set the alarm off, and got frisked by the guy. I was terrified as I wasn't binding at the time because I was going on holiday to Iceland, where I'd be layered enough anyway. Somehow he didn't notice, or if he did he didn't let on, because when I left he gendered me as male.

On the way back I set it off yet again, and was questioned quite furiously about what gender I was in Icelandic. Somehow they always think me and my family are Icelandic, where in reality we know how to read a handful of words, and that's about as good as our level of Icelandic gets.

[Eevee]

Then I've got kids asking parents and parents shushing them, which I really think is sad. Learning moment here parents, use it. If a kid asks me I always ask what they think first, and explain you can't always tell. I wish some adults would ask before they just say what they think, like the kids do.

Kids are so brilliant! I really wish more people would keep this quality of childhood further into their adult lives. In fact, more adults should try to learn from their children. If you're curious about something, just ask and take it as a learning opportunity instead of avoiding eye contact and continuing on with what you think you already know. I'd be more than happy to explain things to anyone who was actually willing to listen.

[Nikotinic]

Walking out of the Endo's office yesterday I heard a clueless sounding receptionist say "What's up with Dr X's Wednesday patients?"

Guessing she was new.

[LatrellHK]

Kids are so brilliant! I really wish more people would keep this quality of childhood further into their adult lives. In fact, more adults should try to learn from their children. If you're curious about something, just ask and take it as a learning opportunity instead of avoiding eye contact and continuing on with what you think you already know. I'd be more than happy to explain things to anyone who was actually willing to listen.

I feel that was too! I honestly like to tell kids because where I live, these kids act like I'm something rare because black people are still not very common. So just seeing me waltz around makes them very wide-eyed. One kid even said, 'my dad told me not to talk to strangers, but you're funny!' And tbh I don't remember why.

But heck if a kid asks me if I'm a boy or a girl and their parents shush them, I say, 'No sir/ma'am, it's perfectly fine. They're just curious nothing wrong with that.' Then I correct them and, to prevent further confusion, I say I'm a boy I just sound a little like a girl. Parents just smile and nod but the ONE TIME I said I'm a girl, the boys father dragged him to his mother, came back to me, and said, 'keep your ->-bleeped-<-got ass away from my children.'
Uhhhhhh, okay? Well went from nice to I'm gonna kill you in .5 seconds! But dang, not like I'm gonna beat the kids....

[makipu]

Reading some of these are so disturbing and disgusting that my heart is literally beating fast as if I was the one who experienced them.

[Ayden]

One of the residents on the street stopped me earlier. She's a very old woman, born in the Taisho era so she's about 90. She always talks to me and my husband when she sees us because she likes having foreigners in the neighborhood. I don't know her name because when I asked, she told me "I'm grandma! Call me grandma!" So I thought nothing when Obaachan stopped me. Here's how the conversation went.

Her: Where's your husband?

Me: he's working. New semester so he's busy.

Her: as expected. Are you a boy?!

me: Uh.. yes.

Her: Well, I'm sorry! I thought you were a girl since you have such a nice looking man!

Me: Ahaha. Ah... It's okay. We're....uh...

Her: It's so great that you two can be who you are! These young kids today act like its a bad thing! And all these old ->-bleeped-<-ers calling you "homo", grandma is proud of you! I'll tell everyone you're homo! I'm sorry I thought you were a girl!

On my way home, I heard the grandson of the local deli tell his mom "See! I knew it was two guys! I told you! He's just kinda girly!"

Like my street needs anymore reasons to gossip about me! XD it's not a bad thing. If anything I haven't stopped laughing about it.

I've heard a lot of young people wondering what I am, until they spot my legs. Then they say "he's a super fabulous homo". I would take offense, but who am I kidding? I'm an insanely fabulous man.

It's a little off topic, but I wanted to share an experience that wasn't so negative. I get a lot of comments here since I'm ... I'm pretty much Arian. I'm the only blue eyed blonde in my family. Not all of what I hear is nice, but I have heard a lot of nice things too.

[YBtheOutlaw]

this is an old story and i've told it before, anyway i like telling it. i was at a b'day party of a neighbouring kid and one of his cousins- a 5yr old fell into a chat with me.
me-so you're going to school next year?
kid-yeah!
me-what school?
kid-*the boys school next door to my school*(i went to an all girls school)
me-oh cool! that's just next to my school!
kid-what? it's *my school* next to ours
me-and that's my school
kid-don't lie. that's a girls school
me-yeah yeah that's my school
kid-you're lying
me-ask her then (pointing to an older cousin of his who knows me. i wasnt trying to pass and hadnt come out to anyone)
the kid goes to his cousin and asks- sister, that brother says he goes to *my school* he's lying right?
her- she's not a brother. she's a sister
kid-no way. don't lie
her-she is a girl. look, she's...(she gets lost at words) wearing earrings!
the kid is not convinced but believes her while everyone laughs at the kid. poor kid.

[Smudge]

"How can I help you sir- err ma'am....whatever you are"

I've had to deal with this too at work on several occasions (usually from 40+yr old men) and it infuriates me, but it is sadly not the worst I've heard.

I work as a cashier so hundreds of people go by my register every day. Once a woman goes, "sir...umm...ma'am....uuuh...sir," then turns to the stranger behind her to say, "I don't know what it is."

Another was when a little 4-5 year old child called me a boy and the mother insisted that I was a girl. They argued for about thirty seconds because he keeps saying I have a boy's face. The mother then pointed at my chest and told her son, "look lower."

[Jeatyn]

I've heard a lot of young people wondering what I am, until they spot my legs. Then they say "he's a super fabulous homo". I would take offense, but who am I kidding? I'm an insanely fabulous man.

This made me laugh so hard xD

---------------------------

ok...three different incidents popped into my head when I saw the title of this thread so, sorry for being long winded but here they are in the order they happened:

Around 6 years ago, working retail, two trans women are in my store talking about me....labelled as 1 and 2 

1: Do you think she's *gestures at me* like us?
2: I was thinking the same thing
1: She'd look so much better if she wore makeup
2: *nodding* and grew her hair....and wore better clothes
1: Should we say something?

At that point I buzzed for someone to come cover me so I could "go to the bathroom" - I didn't want the awkwardness of that conversation to occur xD was sorta flattered at the fact they thought I was born male though.

----------------

4 years ago, while pregnant and at the housing office for an appointment to get me on the list for a place to live. Bear in mind they don't offer like, private rooms, there's loads of people in there, you get called up and then just sit at a counter with an adviser right there in front of everyone.

The second I sat down...

Her: It says here you're "Mr <name>" but obviously that's wrong so lets get that changed! Is it Miss or Mrs?
Me: ....er no Mr is actually correct *explain being trans*
Her: hahahaha omg that's so weird! So I have to refer to you as he?
Me: ....yes please
Her: *starts typing up notes, occasionally giggling and shaking her head* ....oh it feels so weird to write down "He's pregnant"
Me: ....mhm
Her: Have you seen that show little britain? There's a man who comes in here sometimes dressed as a woman and I always think of that show. "I'm a lady!" *hysterical laughter*

I didn't really say anything, I was too shocked/embarrassed....this incident still makes me mad to this day, I should have said something, I should have filed a complaint, I should have asked to speak to a manager. I should have done....something.

--------------------

Around 2 years ago having a smoke waiting for a bus, some chick comes up to me

Her: Can I borrow a light?
Me: Sure
Her: Thanks, so do you go to <local high school>?
Me: Hah no I'm at <Local University>
Her: REALLY? You look so young
Me: Yeah I get that a lot!
Her: So....are you a lesbian?
Me: ....errr....no I'm a....gay man...
Her: You're a trans man aren't you?
Me: Yes actually *stunned at how abrupt yet knowledgeable she is*
Her: Oh that's cool, I'm a lesbian, was gonna ask you out....but never mind!

Then we just had a general chit chat, she asked how my transition was going, blah blah, then wished me good luck and went on her merry way.

[King Malachite]

I was at my job ringing up a child to put her on a ride and after I opened my mouth, she says "mommy that's a girl".

I have also have a couple of people "misgender" me and call me "sir". 

[devention]

...
Around 2 years ago having a smoke waiting for a bus, some chick comes up to me

Her: Can I borrow a light?
Me: Sure
Her: Thanks, so do you go to <local high school>?
Me: Hah no I'm at <Local University>
Her: REALLY? You look so young
Me: Yeah I get that a lot!
Her: So....are you a lesbian?
Me: ....errr....no I'm a....gay man...
Her: You're a trans man aren't you?
Me: Yes actually *stunned at how abrupt yet knowledgeable she is*
Her: Oh that's cool, I'm a lesbian, was gonna ask you out....but never mind!

Then we just had a general chit chat, she asked how my transition was going, blah blah, then wished me good luck and went on her merry way.

That is fantastic.

Most of my own stories are "is that a guy or a girl", but the one that gets me annoyed is one time I was zoning food and these two older ladies get to the end of the aisle.
One of them says, "what is that?"
I look around to see what she's talking about, thinking something gross is on the ground. Nope.
"I don't know, but it needs a hair cut to look somewhat presentable," comes out the other one's mouth.
I was flabbergasted and embarrassed. They grabbed their pasta and left. I hid in the bathroom for ten minutes.
Talk about rude!

[Allyda]

All my life until male fail 6 years ago I used to get the: "Is that a boy or a girl" or "Is that a man or a woman" comments behind me in checkout and other lines if I was wearing male clothing. Many times I got from children: "girls shouldn't wear boys clothes" more often than I can remember.

Ally

[Maleth]

That is fantastic.

Most of my own stories are "is that a guy or a girl", but the one that gets me annoyed is one time I was zoning food and these two older ladies get to the end of the aisle.
One of them says, "what is that?"
I look around to see what she's talking about, thinking something gross is on the ground. Nope.
"I don't know, but it needs a hair cut to look somewhat presentable," comes out the other one's mouth.
I was flabbergasted and embarrassed. They grabbed their pasta and left. I hid in the bathroom for ten minutes.
Talk about rude!

Wow, not only were they rude, but slightly de-humanizing with their usage of "it" as a pronoun. I would've been so mad o.o

[Matthew]

''Is IT a boy or is IT a girl?''

That one infuriates me, I'm not an it.

Or the typical homophobic / transphobic / rude  ones shouted from across the street, don't know if that's relevant to the thread.
Best keep that out of here anyway.

[Blue Senpai]

This was posted on ->-bleeped-<-:

"You're not an ugly girl so just work on yourself and put some make up on if you want to get a guy. You don't have to do this just because you can't get a boyfriend."

Most ignorant comment I've ever read. I'm not transitioning to male because I can't get a date.