Hey I just stumbled across this website and realized I needed to get this out. My name is Alex, I am a ftm. Even when I was younger I never felt like a girl, I was in the "extreme tomboy "phase" indistinguishable from my male cousins and damn happy. As I got older this all changed and it turned out I was to. Yet it never did, when I was around 12 I looked up ftms for the first time and had a epiphany! Nothing had ever been so clear in my life. My one obstacle... And current one...My religious extremist family. I kept my mouth shut, I was content being "unfemine" and a "tomboy. I was an outed lesbian(to all but my traditionalist father). I got a short haircut, beefed up a little in the gym, and crossdressed. Yet something wasnt right still! I get uncomfortable getting called and thought of even as a "she" I despise being viewed and treated female. I like my body to an extent... I used to have dysmorphia. Its not me though, I admire it like an attractive stranger and still feel sad looking in the mirror and wanting to see how I view myself and being disappointed. My dads views on trans people and sexuality is clear. I am telling my therapist next week to see if she can find a trans specialist. I hear its best to start young. My dad might bar me! Definitely wont approve! I have to find a way! I have no other relatives to help! Im tired of hiding! Why did I have to be born a guy in a girls body! It sometimes feels like a cruel joke... I just want to have advice on how to get my dad who will never "accept the sinful lifestyle" (He is the pastor of a baptist church... He will be mad at me for disgracing him) to at least let me proceed even if he doesnt approve. I want to at least start testastrone... I definitely want surgery after graduation. I am afraid this will GREATLY affect future communication with most of my family. My dad even says he is "disgusted" by transpeople and will call them by their gender... I need.... Relief.
- Slightly depressed, angry at the world, and tired.
