i start to panic

[lucaluca]

things get serious now and i begin to panic. i go to therapy and already have my letter for hrt, so it is time to come out, but now i am sooooo scared, that i can't imagine to go on. i don't know what i should do. i now that this is right for me, but i am scared that i won't pass, or my family and friends won't be supportive, or that i don't find a job in the future.

how did you handle this situation?

[Jo-is-amazing]

Hey Luca,
Congrats on getting the letter that's a big step! and an important one to take.
No one here is going to tell you that your fears are unjustified, you are right to be scared!
There is a very real chance that you will lose at least some friends and members of your family, and it is true that Trans* people have a shockingly high unemployment rate

But with all that considered wouldn't it be wonderful to finally stop the poison running through your veins?
To embrace the REAL you with no question for the consequences?
And, if your family can't accept you for you, than they don't deserve to be in your life!

This is a very important step to take, and once you've made it you can't take it back, That being said, go for it, you never know things might just turn out better than expected

P.S. I handled the situation by writing a letter to my parents, I couldn't bear telling people in person :/
I don't know why but I just hate explaining it to people, so when I tell people I really avoid going into specifics, about what I have to do

[Delsorou]

Pick one person to tell who you are pretty sure will be accepting.  Then that person supports you telling the next and gives you an emotional vent.  Then they help you with the next people.  And then the snowball gets going and people start looking at you funny because you are still not presenting as yourself and what's the holdup and when can they go shopping with you.  If all goes well at least.

Or they might be closedminded and not accept you.  It is a risk.  But to never truly live is a greater cost in my opinion than the people who might walk.

Either way, It all starts with one.  Don't think about all of everyone that you need to tell, just the one you are telling first.

It took me weeks to tell that first person.  Agony.  But worth it.

[Marcia]

Pick one person to tell who you are pretty sure will be accepting.  Then that person supports you telling the next and gives you an emotional vent.  Then they help you with the next people.  And then the snowball gets going and people start looking at you funny because you are still not presenting as yourself and what's the holdup and when can they go shopping with you.  If all goes well at least.

Or they might be closedminded and not accept you.  It is a risk.  But to never truly live is a greater cost in my opinion than the people who might walk.

Either way, It all starts with one.  Don't think about all of everyone that you need to tell, just the one you are telling first.

It took me weeks to tell that first person.  Agony.  But worth it.

This is the way I did it. Told one friend who I was sure to understand. Went on from there to others.

[lucaluca]

thanks for the answers!

jo is amazing said "once you've made it you can't take it back". that drives me crazy. what if i tell someone and realize "oh, that was a stupid idea! maybe i am not trans, but a crossdresser or whatever". i have to make a decision until tuesday (the reason is not important) and the closer tuesday gets, the more i am not sure what to do!

[Julia-Madrid]

thanks for the answers!

jo is amazing said "once you've made it you can't take it back". that drives me crazy. what if i tell someone and realize "oh, that was a stupid idea! maybe i am not trans, but a crossdresser or whatever". i have to make a decision until tuesday (the reason is not important) and the closer tuesday gets, the more i am not sure what to do!

My advice to you, Luca, is to wait until you feel ready.  Don't pressure yourself into any dates or times, and don't let anyone pressure you either.  You will know when you are ready:  some of us take weeks, others take years.  Once you understand yourself, you will know which path to take, and at that point you will be ready.

Julia

[Ms Grace]

My advice to you, Luca, is to wait until you feel ready.  Don't pressure yourself into any dates or times, and don't let anyone pressure you either.  You will know when you are ready:  some of us take weeks, others take years.  Once you understand yourself, you will know which path to take, and at that point you will be ready.

Julia is spot on. Yes, you will probably have to tell everyone eventually but it doesn't have to be today, tomorrow, next week, next month...it's when you're ready. You get to define "ready" too, I didn't tell most people, my family included until I was a few days from going full time. (And yes, I was still terrified to tell my folks, but by then my mind was 100% made up.) I'd been on HRT for about 9 months by that stage. I built up my confidence about passing and sorted out things at my work over that time. I didn't try to do it all at once - baby steps!

Congrats on getting the letter.

[JoanneB]

Another +1 for Julia.

When you think about it, you already did "come out". You reached out to and talked to a therapist. When you call around to find an endo or GP that may treat you, you will be coming out to them. I freaked out for months over coming out to a GP (I avoid doctors like the plague to start with) And the one I was planning on seeing's practice was established to serve the LGBT community.

Dropping the T-Bomb on a wife that already knew I cross-dressed wasn't much easier. But like with the doc the time had come and I NEEDED to tell her what was up. I think that is the key you are missing. At this point, Who Needs to Know? Besides the obvious therapist and now endo, who in your life needs to know? Just how absolutely sure are you of what your future life will be? There are no do-overs. You can't take this back from anyone you tell. There will likely be a ton of questions you may or may not know the answers to.

After 6 years on HRT I still torture myself over who to come out to. On the one side you have the "You are only as sick as your secrets" argument. I am certainly driven a lot by my feelings of shame. As scary as it was to tell my wife about what was going on my life as we were dealing with a long distance hanging by a thread marriage, her health issues, being depressed, near suicidal and angry with me in general; telling her was something I was obligated to do as her partner. At this point I am still not sure about full-time. Circumstances say it is not practical right now. Other more important fish to fry. So why forever change how people see and think of me? I know no ascended masters or enlighten beings, so I know the true reaction will be overall negative. Just the reality of it. So why? The cost to me is too great. I still harbor way more shame and guilt then I should. The personal cost can be more than I want to pay. In other words, they all don't need to know.