Coming out to my parents ( Muslims )

[Ali]

My parents are visiting me and my younger brother, they will stay with us for a month. We all grow up as Muslims, but I now have my own believes and kinda different of what they believe in. I am saying this because I know for fact that they will bring Islam and how it view us as trans* and I have very little to respond to that in Islamic way. This might be the biggest point for them not to accept me as who I am because it is not inline with Islam.
As mentioned they will stay for a month, in the first three weeks I am trying not bring it up and just be and enjoy the beautiful company . Beginning of the fourth week I will come out. I am doing so to let them see how happy I am and how true my self being me as who I know I am and that nothing will change, it is just me as happier brighter person in different body.
I am not even part time yet but just feeling I am every day getting closer to be true me is amazing.
There are many things which concerned me as I come out, yet they have lived and seen the signs i showed all through my life which points toward gender issues, they might deny em all. Also because I love them so much I hate to leave them ( which is very possible ) and not educate them on the topic. As Muslims, homosexual sexual is a huge sin and punished by death. Also questioning and changing what "god" gave you or created you as is sinful too.
I know it will be hard and their respond might not be easy on me but I know that this will take away a weight from my shoulder which I have had enough carrying around. As I said before , this will make a step closer to be true me.
Scared, afraid, and feeling alone but I will never let this opportunity fly away, I am taking it. It will be as bad ( or as good!!) now or later.

please any advice will help. I will be coming out to them in face to face conversation, I prepared  many bullet points to talk about but I know that might not be possible so I am trying to shorten my talk as much as possible. Also after coming out I will move with a friend for them to have their time thinking about it without me around.

thanks a lot and wish me luck

[captains]

Sending you every good vibe there is.

My family is culturally moslem, but not actually religious, so while I absolutely feel where you're coming from, I'm afraid I don't have that much practical advice. Although, I've been under the impression that being transgender is not considered haraam the way homosexuality is? At least in Iran, a fatwa was passed allowing medical transition, as it was regarded to be the correction of a biological condition, like fixing a cleft palate. I know that's not a pervasive idea in Islamic circles, but I figure there must be some religious root there, inshallah -- perhaps one that you could bring to your parents? I really don't know.

Good luck. I'm proud of you.

[Mark3]

In all of the info I have seen, the Quran does not say anything about Transgender.. Yes it speaks against homosexuality, but not transgender.? In fact, being openly trans in Iran is common, also Iran has multiple government paid for SRS and hormone treatment and hospitals specializing in trans health care...
There are several very good YouTube videos especially about being trans in Muslim countries...
I hope this helps..

[Jess42]

I wish you all the luck in the world Ali.

[Ali]

Captains , Mark3 , Jess42 thank you so much

you are all right that the Qur'an didn't say anything about trans* but it did mentioned "Mukhannathun". It is different than being trans* but a lot of Muslims put transgender under that umbrella. In Iran they came to know years ago that it is not the same, but not other Muslim country in the area. You know how hard it is to talk to conservative Muslims into accepting trans* and it is not as you think it is.
Not saying that all what my parent will be talking back with is Qur'an or Islamic speech but most of it might be yet there will still be reasoning and sense talking. Their reaction might be encouraged by emotions and then they won't be rational nor making any sense.

I look forward for the day to come, please keep sending me your wonderful good wishes

thanks,
Ali     

[adrian]

Ali, I'm sending you lots of good wishes! I hope coming out to your parents goes well for you!

I don't have a religious background at all, so I don't have any advice really. However, I keep reading reports on how in Iran SRS and socially/medically transitioning is used as the "official" way of covering up homosexuality. This in itself is horrible, but doesn't it somehow suggest that being transgender is viewed as the lesser evil? (But I understand that this isn't necessarily in line with other Muslim countries, so it may not be helpful to bring it up).
I wonder if the documentary "Be like Others" could offer anything in terms of ideas and arguments for you to draw on. I haven't seen the film, so I'm only guessing here.

[captains]

Captains , Mark3 , Jess42 thank you so much

you are all right that the Qur'an didn't say anything about trans* but it did mentioned "Mukhannathun". It is different than being trans* but a lot of Muslims put transgender under that umbrella. In Iran they came to know years ago that it is not the same, but not other Muslim country in the area. You know how hard it is to talk to conservative Muslims into accepting trans* and it is not as you think it is.
Not saying that all what my parent will be talking back with is Qur'an or Islamic speech but most of it might be yet there will still be reasoning and sense talking. Their reaction might be encouraged by emotions and then they won't be rational nor making any sense.

I look forward for the day to come, please keep sending me your wonderful good wishes

thanks,
Ali     

Yes, this is why I'm very scared to come out to some of my community as well. Take care, friend.

[Jess42]

Captains , Mark3 , Jess42 thank you so much

you are all right that the Qur'an didn't say anything about trans* but it did mentioned "Mukhannathun". It is different than being trans* but a lot of Muslims put transgender under that umbrella. In Iran they came to know years ago that it is not the same, but not other Muslim country in the area. You know how hard it is to talk to conservative Muslims into accepting trans* and it is not as you think it is.
Not saying that all what my parent will be talking back with is Qur'an or Islamic speech but most of it might be yet there will still be reasoning and sense talking. Their reaction might be encouraged by emotions and then they won't be rational nor making any sense.

I look forward for the day to come, please keep sending me your wonderful good wishes

thanks,
Ali     

Ok I am really going to try to word this as not to be offensive to anyone or any religion. All these ancient texts were actually written by the hands of man, through the minds of man and inspired by man's perceptions of a Creator or God of Allah or whatever other names we call this source. But mostly it is texts written by the hands of man through the minds of man with a little bit of God (In the broad term, more or less generic in this instance) mixed in. And I'll almost bet there is a lot of prejudice according to the author and their ways of thinking. I mean even today we are still trying to understand the mind of God. It is probably not something that we will ever be able to comprehend. I believe that we have Spirits and our Spirits are what was created in the Image of God. The body is a by product of having to live in a material world, and nature messes up sometimes. It's all around us in the animal kingdom and in human society. Birth defects, mental retardation, autism, conjoined twins, still births, Down's Syndrome and the list goes on and on. We need to be on that list because for whatever reason our thinking, emotions,  and anything else having to do with the Psyches or Spirits does not match our physical genders. Personally without going into a whole explanation of why I feel the way I do, my Spirit is female, nature messed up somewhere between conception and birth and out came a deformed body that never from first memories matched my Psyche.

I know  lot of people take these ancient texts and hold them near and dear to their hearts. If that is what a person needs then so be it. But to prove a point to an uber religious person I know, I ripped a Bible to shreds and I wasn't struck by lightning. Nothing unusually negative or positive happened. I thought my friend was going to have a heart attack. But it all comes down to on thing. They are just books. Not to mention there are about a million different ways to interpret the words. But they are inanimate objects and have absolutely no power. The power comes from within a person and their own minds. They can project that power onto something inanimate and not realize that how they feel about that object is actually coming from within themselves.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that God or whoever you choose to call a Creator, created our Spirits and if our Spirits happen to be female but is stuck in a male body or vice versa, who messed up? The Creator or nature?

I really don't want you to feel bad about it or guilty or shame because we are what we are and can't control that as much as we can control the weather. As for your parents and siblings, I really hope they understand and are extremely accepting. But if not you are here and you have friends and family that will accept you even without any genetic bonds.

[Ali]

Ok I am really going to try to word this as not to be offensive to anyone or any religion. All these ancient texts were actually written by the hands of man, through the minds of man and inspired by man's perceptions of a Creator or God of Allah or whatever other names we call this source. But mostly it is texts written by the hands of man through the minds of man with a little bit of God (In the broad term, more or less generic in this instance) mixed in. And I'll almost bet there is a lot of prejudice according to the author and their ways of thinking. I mean even today we are still trying to understand the mind of God. It is probably not something that we will ever be able to comprehend. I believe that we have Spirits and our Spirits are what was created in the Image of God. The body is a by product of having to live in a material world, and nature messes up sometimes. It's all around us in the animal kingdom and in human society. Birth defects, mental retardation, autism, conjoined twins, still births, Down's Syndrome and the list goes on and on. We need to be on that list because for whatever reason our thinking, emotions,  and anything else having to do with the Psyches or Spirits does not match our physical genders. Personally without going into a whole explanation of why I feel the way I do, my Spirit is female, nature messed up somewhere between conception and birth and out came a deformed body that never from first memories matched my Psyche.

I know  lot of people take these ancient texts and hold them near and dear to their hearts. If that is what a person needs then so be it. But to prove a point to an uber religious person I know, I ripped a Bible to shreds and I wasn't struck by lightning. Nothing unusually negative or positive happened. I thought my friend was going to have a heart attack. But it all comes down to on thing. They are just books. Not to mention there are about a million different ways to interpret the words. But they are inanimate objects and have absolutely no power. The power comes from within a person and their own minds. They can project that power onto something inanimate and not realize that how they feel about that object is actually coming from within themselves.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that God or whoever you choose to call a Creator, created our Spirits and if our Spirits happen to be female but is stuck in a male body or vice versa, who messed up? The Creator or nature?

I really don't want you to feel bad about it or guilty or shame because we are what we are and can't control that as much as we can control the weather. As for your parents and siblings, I really hope they understand and are extremely accepting. But if not you are here and you have friends and family that will accept you even without any genetic bonds.

I like your enthusiasm hun , and I agree with you in how it is just a book written by man. I careless about religion in which I am not allowed to be my self, then why was I crated in the first place, to be someone else I hate and lie to my self as long as I live because "god" said no I can not be my self. That is totally unfair. Lucky those whose gender identity match their assigned gender but what about us who feel trapped and have to go through a long process just feel normal and can look at the mirror without disliking the reflection on it. If , and only if, "god" create us this way then "god" has no right telling people that we are sinners and should be killed.   
That is just me in a community where questioning is not allowed beyond what is in the book.

I am not ashamed of who I am, just sorry for my parents for not willing to open their eyes and think with their brain beyond what book tells them. I would love to have them around me when I am happy and being true me but if it is their wish not to be then I guess nothing can be done.

I don't see being transgender or bi-gender, gender nonconforming etc is a birth defect and I don't like the term medical field came up with GID (gender identity disorder) . It is an evolution of our spirits and souls that made our brains function in such manner. I only partially agree to be called that I have birth defect because it is easier for people to get it and it will very long conversation to explain it other wise. No one like to be called sick, disordered,or dysfunctional.

Thank you so much for your sweet wishes

[Jess42]

I like your enthusiasm hun , and I agree with you in how it is just a book written by man. I careless about religion in which I am not allowed to be my self, then why was I crated in the first place, to be someone else I hate and lie to my self as long as I live because "god" said no I can not be my self. That is totally unfair. Lucky those whose gender identity match their assigned gender but what about us who feel trapped and have to go through a long process just feel normal and can look at the mirror without disliking the reflection on it. If , and only if, "god" create us this way then "god" has no right telling people that we are sinners and should be killed.   
That is just me in a community where questioning is not allowed beyond what is in the book.

I am not ashamed of who I am, just sorry for my parents for not willing to open their eyes and think with their brain beyond what book tells them. I would love to have them around me when I am happy and being true me but if it is their wish not to be then I guess nothing can be done.

I don't see being transgender or bi-gender, gender nonconforming etc is a birth defect and I don't like the term medical field came up with GID (gender identity disorder) . It is an evolution of our spirits and souls that made our brains function in such manner. I only partially agree to be called that I have birth defect because it is easier for people to get it and it will very long conversation to explain it other wise. No one like to be called sick, disordered,or dysfunctional.

Thank you so much for your sweet wishes

I see it the same way. Evolution is really funny and works on such a large timescale that it is hard to even comprehend. I think I have a pretty good clue to what you think so no, you really don't need to go into it. I really don't think it is a birth defect either but something else. It is one of the things that started me on my own set of beliefs that don't exactly fit in any box.

But yeah, we can't control how other feel or how they accept us but if they can't accept us when we are truly happy and truly ourselves then that is their loss, not ours. We will find those that do accept us and we can find those that do love us and so on.

I still hope the best for you and your family's acceptance but keep in mind that genetics don't play as big a part in families as love and acceptance. But it sounds like you are an extremely strong person and I believe you will be OK no matter what, with or without their acceptance.

[Ali]

I see it the same way. Evolution is really funny and works on such a large timescale that it is hard to even comprehend. I think I have a pretty good clue to what you think so no, you really don't need to go into it. I really don't think it is a birth defect either but something else. It is one of the things that started me on my own set of beliefs that don't exactly fit in any box.

But yeah, we can't control how other feel or how they accept us but if they can't accept us when we are truly happy and truly ourselves then that is their loss, not ours. We will find those that do accept us and we can find those that do love us and so on.

I still hope the best for you and your family's acceptance but keep in mind that genetics don't play as big a part in families as love and acceptance. But it sounds like you are an extremely strong person and I believe you will be OK no matter what, with or without their acceptance.

Wise words Jess I totally agree. Thank you so much hun
Ali

[Jess42]

Your welcome Ali. Just remember we are not bound to have the same beliefs as our parents, grandparents and so on. My mom was a devout Pentecostal, hard core Pentecostal at that, and her mom and dad belonged to the religion that handles the snakes and so on. I never could get into that and I don't care what anyone thinks, you can handle venomous snakes and never get bit but one mistake or just not the right touch that snake will bite. In Sweetwater Texas at the rattlesnake roundup I know those folks aren't into the snake handling religion and very few get bit. But from time to time it happens to both groups. I tend to believe that God gave me better sense than to handle venomous snakes since I am not a herpetologist or expert snake handler. I go the other way from the snake. But my mom was truly concerned about my eternal Soul, but I'm definitely not. But totally different Spiritual perceptions. Neither one no more wrong or right than the other as long as any religion is filled with positivity.

[Ali]

Thanks Jess
I tend to over think things that I have no control over them whats so ever, like how my parents will react or this and that, but I only do that because I would really love it if they could be my side in my journey and get to enjoy happy true me. Its been about 2 weeks now since parent arrived and I can not wait to tell them. Yes no sign of support or acceptance tho I know for a fact they know from my brothers but I kinda want to wait and ruin their vacation.
I took a tiny step forward toward saying whats in my heart to Mom, I told her how I am looked at by my Dad and that is different than my other brothers which is true and I think she told him. Its long story why he does so but the very short story is that he feel ashamed of me because of something happened in the past that I had no control over, that was seen as shameful in the community I was raised in. Mom told Dad and right away he treated me a little better today. Before this I was thinking not to come out because no one showed that they care and that the only thing they care about is social image in the community which I will flip upside down by coming out to them. After this lil talk there is glimpse of hope there. 
I don't if its just the excitement of being treated better by people I truly love that giving hope and make forget that it has been the same way for long time and it won't change now or it actually went through and this lil talk might actually did what it suppose to do.

[Jess42]

Thanks Jess
I tend to over think things that I have no control over them whats so ever, like how my parents will react or this and that, but I only do that because I would really love it if they could be my side in my journey and get to enjoy happy true me. Its been about 2 weeks now since parent arrived and I can not wait to tell them. Yes no sign of support or acceptance tho I know for a fact they know from my brothers but I kinda want to wait and ruin their vacation.
I took a tiny step forward toward saying whats in my heart to Mom, I told her how I am looked at by my Dad and that is different than my other brothers which is true and I think she told him. Its long story why he does so but the very short story is that he feel ashamed of me because of something happened in the past that I had no control over, that was seen as shameful in the community I was raised in. Mom told Dad and right away he treated me a little better today. Before this I was thinking not to come out because no one showed that they care and that the only thing they care about is social image in the community which I will flip upside down by coming out to them. After this lil talk there is glimpse of hope there. 
I don't if its just the excitement of being treated better by people I truly love that giving hope and make forget that it has been the same way for long time and it won't change now or it actually went through and this lil talk might actually did what it suppose to do.

I got my fingers crossed. That seems sort of like a hopeful sign.

[Mark3]

Ok I am really going to try to word this as not to be offensive to anyone or any religion. All these ancient texts were actually written by the hands of man, through the minds of man and inspired by man's perceptions of a Creator or God of Allah or whatever other names we call this source. But mostly it is texts written by the hands of man through the minds of man with a little bit of God (In the broad term, more or less generic in this instance) mixed in. And I'll almost bet there is a lot of prejudice according to the author and their ways of thinking. I mean even today we are still trying to understand the mind of God. It is probably not something that we will ever be able to comprehend. I believe that we have Spirits and our Spirits are what was created in the Image of God. The body is a by product of having to live in a material world, and nature messes up sometimes. It's all around us in the animal kingdom and in human society. Birth defects, mental retardation, autism, conjoined twins, still births, Down's Syndrome and the list goes on and on. We need to be on that list because for whatever reason our thinking, emotions,  and anything else having to do with the Psyches or Spirits does not match our physical genders. Personally without going into a whole explanation of why I feel the way I do, my Spirit is female, nature messed up somewhere between conception and birth and out came a deformed body that never from first memories matched my Psyche.

This is so well put that I'm writing it down, or tacking it on the wall or something, it speaks so well to multiple subjects in a perfectly explained condensed paragraph.
You truly "Get" things Jessica. 

I really don't want you to feel bad about it or guilty or shame because we are what we are and can't control that as much as we can control the weather. As for your parents and siblings, I really hope they understand and are extremely accepting. But if not you are here and you have friends and family that will accept you even without any genetic bonds.

I agree with this also Ali.
And wish you the best with your parents. Please keep us updated.
We all really care what happens, and how things go with reguards to you and your parents.
Hugs

[Ali]

I got my fingers crossed. That seems sort of like a hopeful sign.

I really hope so thanks sister

I agree with this also Ali.
And wish you the best with your parents. Please keep us updated.
We all really care what happens, and how things go with reguards to you and your parents.
Hugs

Thanks a lot Mark, i will sure keep you updated

[Jess42]

This is so well put that I'm writing it down, or tacking it on the wall or something, it speaks so well to multiple subjects in a perfectly explained condensed paragraph.
You truly "Get" things Jessica. 

I agree with this also Ali.
And wish you the best with your parents. Please keep us updated.
We all really care what happens, and how things go with reguards to you and your parents.
Hugs

Gawd Mark. I really bet you are a real keeper. Thanx hon, but I really ain't that wise. If I was I would be sooo rich by now. I have lived fast, and loved hard and probably died young and in hell 'cause I died young and aren't aware of it. Jacob's Ladder and the other movie with Bruce Willis, can't remember the name. But  am trans so I must be in hell or maybe even Heaven. Just depends I guess. Tell me if you know the movie Jacob's Ladder. We had to watch that in my advanced English classes in High School. Just wow. Great movie and weird like Sixth Sense (that was the one with Bruce Willis) and Vanilla sky with Cameron Diaz and Tom Cruise.

But Ali. Hon, we are all different religions and philosophies and believe me I am definitely wishing positive energy toward you and your family. Whether Buddhist, Christian, Satanist, Hindu or anything else on this world. But... If things go bad, come here. I lost a wife that was supposed to love me forever and I haven't even told my family yet but if I lose them, Oh well. You have family here sis. Don't think you don't. But I am still praying, focusing or whatever, positivity your way. But if it all comes crashing down, come here we will help you pick up the pieces and put them back together again. We will accept and love you as a sister no matter what, OK?