Emotional roller coaster and HRT

[BreezyB]

Hello everyone and thankyou for giving me a place to be me 

I'm four months into transitioning which has been four months on HRT. Generally everything has been fine, I'm certainly a lot happier. Although I feel I'm finally able to be me, I'm having some wild emotional times, mainly at work where im in boy mode  I had a great period where T just seemed to disappear and so did all that boy angst, but now I'm feeling im being quite bitchy at work which I really don't mean to be. It's not until afterwards I think about how I'm being and wish I hadn't done something or said something.

It feels like I'm just really really emotional... I know, go figure hey, what did I expect. I was just wondering how others have found the change in hormone levels and can I expect this will settle down?

[Rachel]

The first year was difficult. I was increasing E and adding P.

I thought I was going to get fired. My boss and I had it out one day about engineering issues on a project. He was incorrect and did not know the systems and was totally wrong. Also, he was misinformed about capital input. I had taken double E because I forgot the night before (split dose). I was correct and accurate in all my statements but right to the point of rude and allowing no way for him to save face. I was BitXXy and apologized later. I explained what happened face to face to him later and he said he thought that it was due to hormones.

You know, when my boss asks how things are ( with transition and family), I tell him. I have an open dialogue with him.

[BreezyB]

Thanks Cynthia, I was starting to think this first year will be a little tougher than I first thought in this area. But I'm finding the same at work, I work as a project manager on ICT projects and am seeing a little conflict sometimes with some guys, I get along perfectly fine with all the girls on my projects though. I just feel like I need to keep a check on things.

But having not come out at work yet I'm kind of under cover which means I will most likely just seem a bit moody. I'm thinking about speaking with one of the girls at work so I can hopefully have someone in the work place who will at least understand why things are a bit up and down lately. I just had levels checked so will hear the results in a week or so. So hopefully things are all good.

[DaGirl]

Work and HRT is not easy especially when you cannot go to work in your correct gender. It's not easy it to transition while at work it causes to many problem.  I quit work about 7 months into my HRT so I could go full time. It was to stressful at work.

[BreezyB]

Work and HRT is not easy especially when you cannot go to work in your correct gender. It's not easy it to transition while at work it causes to many problem.  I quit work about 7 months into my HRT so I could go full time. It was to stressful at work.

I definetly agree, it's not easy transitioning whilst going to work and at the same time Not being able to be in the gender I am. I would love to take 12 months off, but transitioning as I'm sure we've all fount out isn't a cheap journey.

[Ms Grace]

HRT can certainly make the transition period a bit bumpy. Some methods of dosing seem to be bumpier than others - E implants have, in my experience, plain sailing, whereas injections were a roller coaster. I guess that orals and patches are somewhere in between. My endo reckons that injections give you an experience not dissimilar to what cis women go through every month.

[Julia-Madrid]

Hi BreezeB

While there is certainly a connection between your mood and HRT, I think that the fact that you are having to swing yourself into "Boy Mode" every day for work probably adds a considerable stress.  It got to the point for me where I became resentful of having to go to work as a boy, and it certainly hastened my desire to transition more rapidly.

I guess that people have different ways of coping with the duality, but for me, after so many years of hiding, I just needed to get to the point of having only one "me".  I transitioned at work after just 3 months of HRT and also presenting as a girl outside of work.   I planned it carefully (I'm also in ICT  ) and I am thrilled with the acceptance and results.

I don't know whether this could work for you, but I am happy to give you any pointers.

Hugs
Julia

[Deinewelt]

I agree with boy-mode induced depression.  Anything boy-mode sucks, which is most of the time for me at the moment.

[Rachel]

Breezy, I need to clarify, I needed  to increase my understanding of myself. I had suppressed so much for so long and now I had a new feeling of freedom and not hiding my feelings. I had to develop a filter of kindness to others when presented with unkind acts. In the past I was afraid to express how I really felt and weighed the most correct response. I know people say we are the same person as before HRT but I know I changed. All for the good but awkward until I figured out how to interact in stressful situations, which happen often. Tactful truth is welcome; blunt truth is seldom meet with enthusiasm from the recipient.

[BreezyB]

Thanks girls, so good to know I'm not the only one that's found the work thing difficult. We have one female General Manager who I get along with quite well, she's head of our Corporate Affairs team but thinking off coming out to her first, and then a regular coffee catchup, kind of a mentor. I think she'll be ok. It was really strange, I just presented to the exec team and she was looking at me with what I think was a bit of a uzzled look, as if she was thinking "what's different about you", hairs getting longer and skins a lot softer, and I hadn't seen her for a few months. I've been getting a few comments that I'm looking different so maybe I need to seriously consider coming out at work. And this swinging into boy mode is driving me crazy, just about feel sick putting on a suit in the morning..... yuk!

Hi BreezeB

While there is certainly a connection between your mood and HRT, I think that the fact that you are having to swing yourself into "Boy Mode" every day for work probably adds a considerable stress.  It got to the point for me where I became resentful of having to go to work as a boy, and it certainly hastened my desire to transition more rapidly.

I guess that people have different ways of coping with the duality, but for me, after so many years of hiding, I just needed to get to the point of having only one "me".  I transitioned at work after just 3 months of HRT and also presenting as a girl outside of work.   I planned it carefully (I'm also in ICT  ) and I am thrilled with the acceptance and results.

I don't know whether this could work for you, but I am happy to give you any pointers.

Hugs
Julia

We need more girls in IT Julia  I would really appreciate some pointers, especially working with the boys in IT seems to be different to out in the business. I just came out of our engineering team, and I got along really well with both the girls and the boys in that team. Could I be threatening the status quo about girls in IT, at least at my company the girls are either devs or business analysts, never would they be in a position of authority, blah blah blah, they gotta get over that! But I am thinking I need to come out at work so some pointers around that would be good

I agree with boy-mode induced depression.  Anything boy-mode sucks, which is most of the time for me at the moment.

So agree Deinewelt, I can't wait till I can just be me all the time

HRT can certainly make the transition period a bit bumpy. Some methods of dosing seem to be bumpier than others - E implants have, in my experience, plain sailing, whereas injections were a roller coaster. I guess that orals and patches are somewhere in between. My endo reckons that injections give you an experience not dissimilar to what cis women go through every month.

Thanks Ms Grace, I never thought about the method of taking E would change things. I didn't know about E implants, will speak with my ends about that. Have you have no problems using an implant?

Tactful truth is welcome; blunt truth is seldom meet with enthusiasm from the recipient.

I like that Cynthia, I think some advice I can easily remember and apply at work  and I am seeing changes too that aren't just physical, I'm thinking I need to learn how to interact at work. I've been pretending for so many years that it's hard to change that, but I know I'll get better at it.

Thanks again girls, appreciate your help

Hugs and kisses
Bree
xx

[Julia-Madrid]

We need more girls in IT Julia  I would really appreciate some pointers, especially working with the boys in IT seems to be different to out in the business. I just came out of our engineering team, and I got along really well with both the girls and the boys in that team. Could I be threatening the status quo about girls in IT, at least at my company the girls are either devs or business analysts, never would they be in a position of authority, blah blah blah, they gotta get over that! But I am thinking I need to come out at work so some pointers around that would be good
So agree Deinewelt, I can't wait till I can just be me all the time

Hi BreezeB

Totally agree that we need more girls in IT.  For some reason we transwomen are strongly represented there (see a poll I started some weeks ago.) but in general women are highly under represented and I consider this a very disappointing outcome of the dotcom revolution.

Regarding coming out at work, I did open a thread on this some months ago that has a lot of useful discussion (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,159687.0.html) and here is the summary of what I found.

a) Strength of character and single-mindedness are key: your employer wants to know that you're strong enough to come out, handle some degree of behind-your-back comments, and still do your job at least as well as before.

b) Build a coalition of influencers:  I started with our in-house medic; she opened the door to the head of HR.  I also spoke to several senior managers who like to work with me, and they gave me their full support.

c) Take a solution to HR, not a problem:  when I met the head of HR, she confirmed that I was the first case of someone transitioning in the company (we're a puny 120,000 people world-wide - can you believe this?!)  I had prepared a 4-page roadmap of guidelines and possible scenarios for HR.  They, and the managers were all very grateful that someone had done this, and been thorough about it.  I am happy to share this with you.

d) Make it clear that you will do most of the work:  in line with the previous point, you need to set the pace and be ready to control your own transition at work. 

e) Consider "preparing the terrain":  because my team knew me as a gay boy, I used this to gradually become very much more androgynous over the space of a few months.  By the time I came out, it wasn't really a surprise to them.

f) Have a few parachutes ready:  by speaking to a few senior managers, I had some possible alternative places to work within my company in the event that my present position became untenable.  I also spoke to a friend in another company and he offered me a temporary position just in case I needed it.

In the end it went like clockwork

[BreezyB]

Wow thankyou Julia, I think that was what I needed, you approached your transition so professionally which is exactly what I'd like to do. They know me as a very professional 'guy' so I need to remind myself my head is screwed on, I just need to use it 

You clearly went about things in a very professional way. And I agree completely, I had a very serious personal challenge last year and made sure that HR were fully aware and they were very supportive so I think this would be know different. I like the idea of the plan, no one likes a problem but we all love solutions. That would be great if you could share it with me Julia? I somehow think I might be the first person at my company, however I think the odds are more believable, I think I'd be 1 in 3000 employees who has transitioned. I can't beleive you were the first in 130,000 people. Maybe you were the first to be yourself at work? I work in Agriculture so it's an interesting space when you have very traditional country farmers and then there's 'this' lol, might rock their world 

But that's what I want, work to be like clockwork, at least transition at work. I need to think about putting together a plan, appreciate Julia if you can share your roadmap please

[Allyda]

I'm currently on estradiol Valerate injections once per week and I haven't so far had any of the ups and downs described by some. It may have to do with the frequency of the injections and those on a bi-weekly plan may suffer those ups and downs more than those on weekly plans.

Just thinking out loud.

Ally

[Julia-Madrid]

Hi BreezyB

I've sent you a PM so that you can pass me your email address.  Happy to help!

Julia

[BreezyB]

I'm currently on estradiol Valerate injections once per week and I haven't so far had any of the ups and downs described by some. It may have to do with the frequency of the injections and those on a bi-weekly plan may suffer those ups and downs more than those on weekly plans.

Just thinking out loud.

Ally

Thanks Allyda, I thought about injections but just need to understand a bit more about it. I'm on estradiol valerate oral so quite regular, twice a day. I think it's just more I'm having to switch and also I'm being much more femme at work, well I don't mean to but I'm getting comments so I must be lol

Hi BreezyB

I've sent you a PM so that you can pass me your email address.  Happy to help!

Julia

Thanks hon, have sent you an email 

[KayXo]

I'm currently on estradiol Valerate injections once per week and I haven't so far had any of the ups and downs described by some. It may have to do with the frequency of the injections and those on a bi-weekly plan may suffer those ups and downs more than those on weekly plans.

Just thinking out loud.

Agreed. I also take them every 5 days and no ups and downs.

[Allyda]

Agreed. I also take them every 5 days and no ups and downs.

Mine are every 7 days. I take it every Saturday. Still no ups and downs. I know the half life for Estradiol Valerate injectable is only 5 days. I've never heard of them being given every 5. Learn something new every day I suppose, lol

Ally

[BreezyB]

Thanks girls, I'll be seeing my endo in I think a couple of months so I'll speak to him about the other options. I definetly prefer not to experience the natal female cycle, what girl does like that time of the month after all

[Allyda]

Thanks girls, I'll be seeing my endo in I think a couple of months so I'll speak to him about the other options. I definetly prefer not to experience the natal female cycle, what girl does like that time of the month after all

Unfortunately due to my genetics I have a cycle that lasts six to eight days every month. I just came out of one. Bloating, cramping, moodyness, hot and cold flashes, etc., and just feeling, well, bleh! Since beginning hrt the effects have lessened somewhat but are still there unfortunately. I've had this since puberty.

Ally

[BreezyB]

Unfortunately due to my genetics I have a cycle that lasts six to eight days every month. I just came out of one. Bloating, cramping, moodyness, hot and cold flashes, etc., and just feeling, well, bleh! Since beginning hrt the effects have lessened somewhat but are still there unfortunately. I've had this since puberty.

Ally

And how do you find that Allyda, I mean some transwomen want that, I mean to feel whole. I would have to say not me, I'm a picky girl, give me all the good bits, but leave the others