Betrayal by my best and only female friend.

[Teslagirl]

Hello everyone.

I have very few friends, one male friend and one female friend. I had lots of friends when I was younger, but they've all slowly drifted away. I've been transitioned for many years and I've known my female friend for most of that time and I felt really close to her. A year ago we were both in touch with a lesbian woman who was on the way to being a good friend. I asked my long-term friend not to tell her anything about my TS history as I was worried it would cause her to withdraw. Some time passed and I was talking to the new acquaintance and she blankly asked "Are you trans?" I didn't know what to say so denied it, but it turned out my best friend had told her about me, despite my asking her not to. I was devastated at the complete betrayal of trust and things have been frosty ever since. I got a grudging 'sorry' out of my best friend, but she didn't seem to think she'd done anything wrong. We occasionally talk on the phone, but I really miss the total trust we had and I'm angry she should ruin our friendship. I really can't afford to lose my only best friend and I'm now very lonely and sad much of the time. I can't seem to make new friends either. I don't mix with trans groups as I find the range of passibility very difficult to deal with. I just want a normal life and I don't want to stand out. Does anyone have any advice? Should I keep trying to make this friendship work despite the betrayal of trust? This is one of the worst things she could have done and I miss our friendship terribly.

Sarah.

[Deedo]

Hello Sarah

First a very big hug from me, situation like this are never easy  Since you asked for an advice, i think you should try to forgive her and try to talk to her how you felt, but without beeing angry. I think, that we all make mistakes and if we do, it is great if we were forgiven. If you have only this two important friends you should do a lot to not loose one of them over a thing like this. Even if it hurts a little. I would bet she did not have any bad intents, perhabs it was just by accident or she did not think well enough in this moment. We are all not perfect and only human.

Deedo           

[Rachel]

It is difficult to live hurt. You have to release the pain. If you expressed how you feel to your friend and forgive her then even if your relationship is beyond repair at least the pain would have been released.

[Ltl89]

I understand how you feel about getting upset that people disclose such personal information without your okay.  Sadly, almost everyone that I've told or knows about my transition felt it was okay to let other people know without my permission, some think I don't know that they have spoken up.  Yes, it hurts, but it's almost unavoidable.  Personally, I try to live and let live rather than bring it up as i have very little acceptance in my life, but I wouldn't lie by saying it hasn't changed how I saw people and whether I felt I could ever trust them again or talk to them about personal stuff.  I wish people would realize how much it hurts when someone shares something so private without permission.  Again, sorry you had to deal with it.  As for how you handle it, that's something only you can decide.  In either case, I hope things work out for the best for you. 

[HelloKitty]

If you can forgive that would be best. That would be better than what I would do. Personally, if a person betrays my trust than there is no redemption for them...they are dead to me. Being burned repeatedly by several people over the years has made me this way. Anybody can make a friend. It can be difficult but if it were me I'd be busy looking for a new best friend.

[DelKay]

Talk to her about. It vent on her and let her know how much it hurt you. Share your feelings. If she really is your best friend then she should understand and hopefully this will bring you two closer.

[Teslagirl]

Thanks all, for your advice. This isn't the first time she's let me down.She told my boyfriend he was doing the right thing in leaving me, and then had a relationship with him herself. She asked me to be Godmother to her daughter and just dropped me and gave the job to someone else without even telling me. If I had other friends, I'd end the friendship, but my generation of women with my history don't find it easy to make new friends.

[Megumi]

Sounds like it's time to find new friends to be honest.

[DelKay]

Thanks all, for your advice. This isn't the first time she's let me down.She told my boyfriend he was doing the right thing in leaving me, and then had a relationship with him herself. She asked me to be Godmother to her daughter and just dropped me and gave the job to someone else without even telling me. If I had other friends, I'd end the friendship, but my generation of women with my history don't find it easy to make new friends.

theres a word for people like her and it rhymes with itch. Just saying...
I really hope you find a real friend, Tesla. :'3

[tuuliu]

Thanks all, for your advice. This isn't the first time she's let me down.She told my boyfriend he was doing the right thing in leaving me, and then had a relationship with him herself. She asked me to be Godmother to her daughter and just dropped me and gave the job to someone else without even telling me. If I had other friends, I'd end the friendship, but my generation of women with my history don't find it easy to make new friends.

I'm sorry for the bad things she's caused you. Dropping her in your situation might be difficult as hell but I'd still make a run for it. That's not how a real friend behaves.

[Jen682]

At first I was going to suggest you talk to her and let her know how much that hurt you, and to get her promise to not tell anybody else.  But then I read on and there have been a few times where she has demonstrated that she cannot be trusted to keep your secret.  It seems she gets more pleasure out of telling people your secrets, then in being a good friend that can keep your confidence. 

If you continue to be friends with her know that she cannot be trusted.  Unfortunately she knows your deepest secret and may drop that bombshell on somebody whenever she wants, and most likely behind your back.

My sister got angry at me and told our 86 year old mother about my CD.  To me that means she cannot be trusted and I have broken off all contact with her, except family events involving my mother.    I do not want her to have the opportunity to tell friends of mine or potential girl friends.

Jen