Am I a wonder like you? Or just a psychologically messed up guy?

[Jessica Merriman]

My GAWD Jessica! I think you gotta' be trying to pull something on us and trying to pass your brother off as a before pic of yourself. There is no way that can be you. But seriously though totally different and in no way do you look like the same person.

Thank Jess, but that emotionless, dead shell of a imitation human held me hostage for 40 years of my life and was in fact my exterior presentation. My eyes now glow with life and every day is a blessing. I am happy, healthy, full of life and a genuine loving and caring real life human. I did not post it to show off or put myself above others though. I did it to show you do not have to settle for what you are now and happiness can be achieved through belief in yourself and hard work. I hope some who worry about transitioning and if life can be good after it will see that YES, life can be beautiful and transition is not the end, but a fresh new beginning! 

[Jess42]

Thank Jess, but that emotionless, dead shell of a imitation human held me hostage for 40 years of my life and was in fact my exterior presentation. My eyes now glow with life and every day is a blessing. I am happy, healthy, full of life and a genuine loving and caring real life human. I did not post it to show off or put myself above others though. I did it to show you do not have to settle for what you are now and happiness can be achieved through belief in yourself and hard work. I hope some who worry about transitioning and if life can be good after it will see that YES, life can be beautiful and transition is not the end, but a fresh new beginning! 

Well, I still think it is your brother and in no way could have ever been you. But seriously though, thinking you did it to show off or try to put yourself above others never even crossed my mind and I doubt it crosses anyone else's either. You just aren't like that though but definitely be proud of what you gained. The difference in looks between the old you and the real you is 180 degrees different. In that picture you look POed, unhappy, miserable and just negative in general. The picture in your avatar shows definitely someone more happy, comfortable with themselves and a more positive outlook for your life. You do have a right to be proud and I wouldn't blame you one little bit if you exercised those bragging rights.

I really find the emboldened statement extremely intriguing though. You do know that the person in the picture and you now are the same person on the inside at least. It's interesting how we feel a disconnect from one to the other. Or how we neglected one and pamper the other. It may be the hormones or it may be something way deeper. Either way sis, I am astounded.

[Illuminess]

My mom used to blame my grandmother for raising me to be more emotionally sensitive, but my dad and my uncles didn't turn out that way. My dad, maybe, but he's still very much a man. So to say it's environmental just doesn't add up. Environment only does so much, and it certainly doesn't make you question your gender. That's definitely a neurological/developmental thing. Radical Feminists won't agree with that, but meh.. their opinions don't matter.

I do believe that there are cases of  ->-bleeped-<- — which is probably far more environmental — but I don't believe it defines being transgender. It's just one type of situation, because wearing women's clothing for FTM isn't cross-dressing; it's wearing precisely what feels right according to gender. Cross-dressing for the purpose of arousal or pleasure, or fantasising about being a woman because of the pleasure it gives, is just one particular kind of person, and their sexual motivation shouldn't be a factor for condemnation. Plus, sexual arousal often happens initially, anyway, whether you want it to or not. I can't count how many times something has popped up when all I ever wanted to do was cuddle. I'll be so happy when those days are over.

Anyway, you are not psychologically messed up. It just feels that way because coming to that full realisation and beginning to embrace it brings up a lot of thoughts and emotions. All of that will digress in time as you move forward.

[Jess42]

You people are far lucky. At least you guys dont face much social barriers like I do. I'm MADE to live like a man. And somehow I've started learning it. But one thing's for sure. I can't change my core.

No we aren't. Yeah there are some things we are lucky for and that is being more in tune with who we truly are inside. We are lucky enough to view the world from two separate perspectives gender wise physically and emotionally with a combination of the two and I truly believe this is one of our curses and blessings mixed. You have that too. But there is nothing more special about us than you hon. You are just as special. Everyone is and unique. Everyone, cis or trans.

No you can not change your core, Soul, Spirit or Psyche. These things are the root of who we truly are. You can not change it no matter what. Even hypnotherapy won't change it depending upon how strong your Psyche is. It is far easier to change the outside than the inside. But that is totally is up to you. Not me or anyone else trans or cis or LGB. Only you can decide who you are and what gender you are. Forget society and their narrow views. We are who we are regardless whether we fit in to societal norms or views or not.

My mom used to blame my grandmother for raising me to be more emotionally sensitive, but my dad and my uncles didn't turn out that way. My dad, maybe, but he's still very much a man. So to say it's environmental just doesn't add up. Environment only does so much, and it certainly doesn't make you question your gender. That's definitely a neurological/developmental thing. Radical Feminists won't agree with that, but meh.. their opinions don't matter.

Nope. Nobody's fault. If anyone is to blame it would be the creator of our Spirits and since that entity supposedly doesn't make mistakes, the we are not a mistake, freak or anything else.

[A_Wonder]

My mom used to blame my grandmother for raising me to be more emotionally sensitive, but my dad and my uncles didn't turn out that way. My dad, maybe, but he's still very much a man. So to say it's environmental just doesn't add up. Environment only does so much, and it certainly doesn't make you question your gender. That's definitely a neurological/developmental thing. Radical Feminists won't agree with that, but meh.. their opinions don't matter.

I do believe that there are cases of  ->-bleeped-<- — which is probably far more environmental — but I don't believe it defines being transgender. It's just one type of situation, because wearing women's clothing for FTM isn't cross-dressing; it's wearing precisely what feels right according to gender.
Anyway, you are not psychologically messed up. It just feels that way because coming to that full realisation and beginning to embrace it brings up a lot of thoughts and emotions. All of that will digress in time as you move forward.

So you have your story somewhat like mine. Interesting. Yes, I am on the road to self realization. And I'm pretty much experiencing that soothing change in me. No more fighting and cursing myself for not being manly enough, as now I know who I am.

[Taka]

That would be David Reimer, and it didn't have a happy ending

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/David_Reimer

actually, it was about someone else, and the story had a happier ending. unfortunately this fact makes the whole story much more tragic, as this tells of how despite the terror, this story is not unique. though i might have confused a couple details of the two stories, it's difficult to remember the difference when the stories are practically similar despite happening in different countries. there still is the worry that some will perform "corrective" surgery on intersex children. could end up very traumatizing.

[✰Fairy~Wishes✰]

The only thing that seems messed up to me is gender roles and the gender binary.

Conforming to gender roles is boring. Be who you feel, and don't worry too much. Labels should be there to make you feel good, not feel bad.
Feminine boys are amazing! And so are transwoman! And so are all transgender people! And so are all genderqueer people!

[Illuminess]

So you have your story somewhat like mine. Interesting. Yes, I am on the road to self realization. And I'm pretty much experiencing that soothing change in me. No more fighting and cursing myself for not being manly enough, as now I know who I am.

I never really tried to be manly, though, or felt inadequate in manliness. I've never been pushed in that direction by friends or family, either. I've just been as much as Me as I could. I only had one guy friend who kept trying to insist that I go to a strip club. He kept on and on trying to convince me that I'd love it. Yeah, I'd rather go to a classy lounge and have coctails and laughs. I don't think I'd even enjoy a lesbian bar. When places are oriented according to sexuality they seem to be dirtier.

What sucks is trying to get across to people that my transition has nothing to do with stereotypes. I am my own person, I have my own sense of style, my own interests, and identifying as female does not mean you default to wearing pink, wearing dresses, and chasing boys. You just know that being male doesn't make sense. Where you go from there shouldn't have to align with any social norms.

I think feminine identity — if there is any kind of default — is about beauty, expression and a fluidness in emotion that men normally pay no attention to or embrace. Not that men are incapable of it; it's just less likely. I've always been "softer" about things, except my Left Brain is quite prominent, as well. I see myself as Whole-Brained, because I can approach things with logic and reason, but also fully appreciate beauty; and I have a huge heart.

I sometimes feel that my friends just see me as a male-identified person who just happened to decide one day to switch genders. Not that they judge me, they just don't seem to grasp the reality of what being transgender is. They see a guy who wants to wear makeup, cross-dress, and live as a woman, and think it's adorable. They don't understand that the only extremely male thing about me is my body, and that the person inside is female. That will change, though. People are visual, and when they see how much more expressive and happy I am when everything is far more obvious they'll finally get it. So, I'm patient.