Who do you wish you could tell, But now are unable (trigger warning)

[immortal gypsy]

For those of us that have lost people close to us, (raises hand) this may hurt. For that I'm sorry.

Now I have been having an interesting time with my family latley and another thread "https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,173992.msg1527730.html#msg1527730" has gotten me thinking. Now unfortunettly nobody lives forever, friends and family move on and you loose contact and people do sadly pass away. Sometimes we never find that perfect time to tell them we are/wish to/want to transition. So let's wind back the clock and give us all a second chance. Who if anyone do you wish you could tell now, that you are unable for whatever reason.

For me it was my maternal grandfather. He taught me all the charestics that I have today, (ethics, fierce loalty, sense of humor) and he was the first person I called when I had any trouble or questions that only an older or wiser head could answer. I could say that the one good thing with that came from his passing, is it made me relize that I needed to transition and to do that first I had to get my life in order. Still wish I could tell him today

[ImagineKate]

My mom and dad when I was younger, or my aunts who used to dress me up.

[Ms Grace]

I don't regret that I didn't tell my maternal grand parents, but I do regret that I couldn't be their grand daughter while they were alive. 

[JoanneB]

Tell? Nothing to tell both my parents and grandparents. They all in a way knew of my dressing when I was in my teens. A behavior that was strongly discouraged.

During periods of depression driven reflection I wind up apologizing for being a disappointment. THat I could not overcome this. No matter how successful I may be, how well loved, respected both personally and professionally, does not matter. I failed them. I failed myself.

Shame and guilt are amazing things

[rosinstraya]

I think my father knew something was "up".....pretty certain he thought I was gay. Not an obvious enough "man" for his liking. Oh well, there you go. Don't know that I'd've got around to telling him, maybe only if I'd been in my damnedest mood.

My mother died when I was eight, I don't imagine my transgendered-ness would have concerned her at all. Just a feeling I have I suppose.

[gennee]

My parents were gone before I knew that I was transgender. This is strange but I believe that my mom may have had some inking because I liked flowers and the color pink.

[Mariah]

My dad. I was just barely 13 when he died of cancer. I knew something was wrong then, but just wasn't fully aware of what I needed to do and lacked the courage and strength to tell others what was wrong.

[Illuminess]

The one person that gives me the most stress about telling is my grandmother (on dad's side) who raised me until I was 11. She's the sweetest lady I've ever known, but she's also super Christian. She was broken-hearted when she found out I didn't believe that way anymore, so telling her I'm transitioning would probably just evoke a similar reaction from her. Seeing her upset kills me. I haven't even called her in months, and she's in her 80s now. There's no telling when she'll pass away, because the last time I saw her she had shaky hands. So, I'll have to visit her as she knows me as often as possible. If the HRT starts to make me more obvious then I'll just have to hide it. The last thing she needs is to go to sleep night after night thinking I've finally secured my ticket to Hell. I want her to be happy and proud of everyone around her during that time, without having to worry anymore than she already does.

[Taka]

i wondering what my maternal grandma would have said to it. she was absolutely not a christian, and had very different ideas of femininity than what my mother has. maybe she'd just call me a tomboy, but i'll never know if she'd be accepting.

an old teacher of mine who died at 45, had a heart made of much finer metals than gold, and was one whose loss i'll mourn forever. he was somethi g like everybody's uncle, and i always have this feeling that he would have cared more about me than what the rest of the world thinks. there's no guarantee that i'm right about this, and again, it's too late to find out now.

and there was this religious leader and last chief of his village, whom i really wanted to tell and discuss this with. but he got sick and died before i got the chance to talk. he seemed very open minded and caring to me, and i'm sure he would have talked and discussed rather than just moralize.

[Cindy]

My Mum,

She could never accept me when I came out so many tears (sic) [it was supposed to be years but so true.] ago. She is now dead as is my Dad.

But I got my revenge - I didn't go to their funerals.  That was an act of a stupid woman that I regret.

I think, I hope that they would have accepted their other daughter if they had the chance to meet her now.

[LordKAT]

My favorite grandmother. She died when I was young though.

[Illuminess]

My grandfather died in 2006, and he more like a father to me than my real one. He knew I was different somehow. Not particularly transgender, but not neurotypical. I don't know how he'd take my transition, but he was important enough to me that I would have told him. No matter what he may have thought about it I know he would still be supportive of me, and possibly have even paid for things. There are old friends, too, that I would have told, but they've all gone their own way, married with kids, etc.

[Mark3]

There's no one still living I wish to share my feelings on my gender, most are gone already. My family would never have understood, i wouldn't have even tried.

All but one on my friends (not here) have given me a cold shoulder, and won't even acknowledge my gender feelings. One still msgs me and listens, but were on the opposite sides of the planet, so its difficult.

My wife and I don't talk much, our life is comfortable, and I'm not going to mess it up, I'm too old, and its not worth it.

I do talk to my twin sister who died during our birth, I guess that makes me crazy.? I know I got this darned femininity streak from her in the womb, at least I believe that. I'm alone a lot, and I talk to her about everything. I miss her so much you can't imagine.

I guess if there was anyone I would want to tell about this in person, but cant, it would be my twin sister Laura.

[BreezyB]

My parents, both have now passed away but I know my mother would have been very accepting, and dad, well it would have been ok just as long as we never spoke about 'it' lol he was an old school bloke and feelings and stuff like that, well what feelings, people don't have feelings would have been his response lol oh, bless him.

[Jill F]

My friends Shawn and Walter probably deserved to know why I really drunkenly kissed them.  Sadly, they are both deceased. 

[Ayden]

My maternal grandfather. He was my first friend and he will always be the best friend I ever had. He loved me like crazy and I know that while he was old fashioned (poor coal miner from a southern mining family) I have no doubt he would have accepted me. I remember telling him once I wanted to grow up to be a boy like him, and he laughed and told me "You'd be a damn fine man too. Far sight better than me, sweetheart."

[Avinia]

I was actually thinking about this just a few minutes ago.

I would really love to tell my grandma, but she lives on the other side of the country, and has been in and out of the hospital since Thanksgiving, and it sounds like she won't be alive much longer

Kind of makes me want to just come out to my family now so I can tell my grandma before she is gone.. Funny thing I just realized, she is probably one of the people I acted girly around in the past. I used to spend a lot of time with her when she still lived near me, and when she would come for visits, bright side of it, we finally did get to make banana splits last time she came to visit(had been our goal for about 5 years).

[big kim]

On my 15th birthday the class bully and 2 of his crew kicked the **** out of me after I gave the bully a bloody nose at rugby after weeks of  verbal and physical abuse and trashing my posessions.The games teacher turned a blind eye to me standing up for myself,he found me picking my self up after my kicking and told me I was different to other boys,I wouldn't be like other boys no matter how hard I tried and one day I would know why(I already knew).A very enlightened attitude for a 1970s teacher.
He asked me who did this and told me they would be made to pay.I told him I wasn't a rat and would fix this myself which he was OK with.Over the next 3 weeks or so I tracked them down one at a time and handed  back the worst ass kicking they ever had.
About 7 years later he asked my sister what I was doing when she saw him in a restaurant she worked in.She said he was very surprised to learn I was a fork truck driver living with my girlfriend riding a Triumph I'd rebuilt and driving a 327 Chevelle.I saw him a few weeks later when I was working on a Mustang in the street his parents lived and we said hello to each other.A few weeks later he died of a heart attack at only 33.I wish I could have told him he was a good man and a great teacher