I'm a transwoman, but I don't want breasts.

[✰Fairy~Wishes✰]

I don't know what's your objective

Hi, I'm sorry I didn't answer this.

I want to be feminine in pretty much every way except having breasts and curves. I would like to have a more feminine face. And I'm getting all of my hair removed with laser surgery. And I wish I were shorter and had smaller feet and shoulders. I want to be more petite n' things. And I wear make-up to make my face look more feminine. It's sad, I can't do lotsa stuff about my height and my shoulders and my feet right now. But hopefully maybe someday there will be new amazing technology I can do that with. In Metal Gear, there are lotsa cyborg characters with cyborg spines n' things. I'm not a big fan of Metal Gear since I don't like violent military games, but I thought that was kind of neat. Maybe that will exist someday. It's be nice if there were some way for me to have a vagina some day, too.
But of course I can only do the things I can do today, so I've been removing my hair and I want facial feminization surgery when I can afford it.

Curves are pretty much the only way I don't want to be feminine or be a woman.

I look at breasts are being kind of like vaginas. You can have a vagina, but it doesn't necessarily mean you identify as a woman. It's not your reproductive organs that make you a man or a woman, it's what you identify as. The same is with breasts. You can have breasts and still be a man. And you can be flat chested and still be a woman. Plenty of men have breasts and plenty of women have flat-chests.

I really like Andreja Pejić. I'm a really really big fan of her and would like to look like her.

Well, I mean, not just like her. But she's beautiful and she inspires me!

[✰Fairy~Wishes✰]

Double post! Sorry!

[EchelonHunt]

Can I love your post a million times?

I am a flat chested gal and I agree completely. If I were to have a sexless body - flat chest and no genitals... Would that make me less of a girl?  Gosh no!

Gender is between the ears, sex is between the legs. Your genitals or lack there of should never define your gender identity.

Men, women, binary, non-binary all come in different shapes and sizes, we should all celebrate the diversity between us all because that's what makes us all so unique!

Having breasts or vagina or a lack of either shouldn't have any say on your identity as a woman. Anyone who says otherwise, regardless of fitting the standards of care for transitioning or not, you are who you are and you shouldn't have to suppress who you are to force yourself to fit the stereotypical unrealistic image of what society perceives a woman to be.

Much loves,

~Jay

[Jessica Merriman]

Maybe I could mess with my hormones a little bit.

I am sorry baby, but HRT is a serious thing and not something you "mess" with. What you define yourself as is unique to you alone, but HRT alters your bodies chemistry. Know what you want to do and become as educated as you can with regards to HRT.

[helen2010]

I am sorry baby, but HRT is a serious thing and not something you "mess" with. What you define yourself as is unique to you alone, but HRT alters your bodies chemistry. Know what you want to do and become as educated as you can with regards to HRT.

F-W

Hormones are serious stuff.  Find a good endo and work with them to achieve your objectives.  'Messing' with hormones and self medication is potentially dangerous.  Please take care.

Aisla

[christinaw]

If you were genetically female you wouldn't have much of a say in how much or how little you curved. Why not just start HRT and go with it. Odds are unless you do many squats and really work hard at it your curves will never be dramatically different than they are now other than some tapering in at the waist if you're slimmer which won't even be noticeable for a year or so. You're not gonna wake up and go from 28/28/28 to 36/24/38 or something if that's your concern. Unfortunate reality is that HRT can only do so much.

[Ms Grace]

I'm sure there are plenty of cis women who would prefer to be flat chested and not curvy. Then of course there are those who are not curvy and flat chested who wish that they did have bosoms and curves. The point I'm making is that cis or trans we rarely get the bodies we would ideally prefer - not without a lot of flexibility around what "ideal" actually is, or lots of work (be it surgical, physical exercise, dieting, etc). If you started HRT there's no guarantee you would or wouldn't grow breasts and curvy. Some trans women do some don't. Such is the genetic lottery involved in the process. You won't know until you know.

[Jess42]

I think a good gender therapist may help you realize exactly what you may want.

But I seriously doubt you will find any doctor that will be able to ethically give you what you want. Self medication is an extremely bad idea. A therapist is where I would start. I would try to find myself and what I really want as an end result with all the pros and cons to me alone. If you find you want to be more feminine facially then there is always plastic surgery to feminize your face. But definitely find a good gender therapist to help you explore all your possibilities.

[Hideyoshi]

I don't want boobs or curves.

I was just like this, but once they started coming in, I couldn't get enough of it :>

Just have to accept that you will get all the changes, some more, some less, but you can't really choose what you get with HRT. I learned to love my boobs & new fat deposits.

[Ms Grace]

I was just like this, but once they started coming in, I couldn't get enough of it :>

Just have to accept that you will get all the changes, some more, some less, but you can't really choose what you get with HRT.

So true! And yes, being on HRT does seem to change a number of priorities and perceptions.

[Hideyoshi]

I want to be feminine in pretty much every way except having breasts and curves. I would like to have a more feminine face. And I'm getting all of my hair removed with laser surgery. And I wish I were shorter and had smaller feet and shoulders. I want to be more petite n' things. And I wear make-up to make my face look more feminine. It's sad, I can't do lotsa stuff about my height and my shoulders and my feet right now.

oh my GOD this is me in 2012.

I wanted to be more like the quintessential 'trap' seen in anime (hence my name) but that changed when everything came together in the big picture.

I would definitely give HRT a try. The feelings of the breast buds coming in is what changed my mind about boobs.

[LizMarie]

Your core problem is that we must have a sex hormone to ensure bone health or osteoporosis results. Period. No sex hormones will mean brittle thin bones which become a very bad health hazard.

So you have to choose. If you're going to allow testosterone, you are going to continue to masculinize. You don't get to choose. Same with estrogen. You don't get to choose. Either hormone will either cause continued development of masculinity or of femininity.

I'm concerned that you have this ideal in your head that you want to be based on externalities. That, to me, is a gigantic red warning flag here. We don't get to decide if we'll be pretty or not, if we'll have big or small breasts, how curvy our hips will or won't be. But natal females don't get to choose either.

The critical thing that gender therapy is about is us learning to accept ourselves as the gender in our heads, not the gender that society tried to impose on us after a quick visual inspection when we were born. How that gender ends up presenting itself is a journey and we have to learn to celebrate what we get as much as we can.

But an asexual look with no sex hormones? I cannot see any doctor agreeing to this because of the gigantic health risks involved. You'll end up like a 90 year old woman with almost no estrogen who breaks bones simply by bumping into things.

Your very first thing to do is find that therapist and come to grips with whomever you are internally. Once you get to that point you can begin to discuss where to go, but regardless of which path you choose, testosterone or estrogen, you won't get to pick and choose the outcomes. You need to begin accepting that now.

[Lyric]

Yes, Fairy, from your descriptions of yourself you really sound like more of a non-binary person to me. You seem to simply want HRT to have less masculine features, but not to loose them all. HRT is a much bigger deal than that and shouldn't be considered a simple cosmetic aide.

I strongly suggest seeing a therapist about your whole thing. She/he should help you focus on the best path for you from here. You obviously need some help with that beyond the advice you'll get in this forum thread.

[findingreason]

I was just like this, but once they started coming in, I couldn't get enough of it :>

Just have to accept that you will get all the changes, some more, some less, but you can't really choose what you get with HRT. I learned to love my boobs & new fat deposits.

This. Between this and the other replies I've seen here,  it reminds me a lot of my own situation. I'm on deck since my therapist has given me info for an endo to begin HRT, but I'm still nervous. I worry similarly about changes and accepting them or whether I even WANT them, even though I really do want to start. I discovered part of my worries were also rooted in the past with some fears my mother negatively instilled in me at a young age. I had innocently asked her about what it was like to be a girl. She said I'd hate all the changes and would not want to be a girl at all. She was not very nice about it. It came back again when she found out about my gender identity issues when I was 19, and she attacked far more brutally on it at that time. It took me years to realize in therapy how badly she affected me with her words, and only recently have I grasped the extent of it. My anxiety problems just took it and ran away with it when I was younger. It was essentially a highly traumatic experience for me.

In addition to that realization, I had learned from conversations with my friends that are natal born female, is that many of them were also terrified of puberty growing up. They later "grew" into their changes that inevitably came. It brought a little different perspective to me that I am not alone; that puberty is one heck of a ride regardless of whether we are cisgendered or transgendered.

[✰Fairy~Wishes✰]

I am sorry baby, but HRT is a serious thing and not something you "mess" with. What you define yourself as is unique to you alone, but HRT alters your bodies chemistry. Know what you want to do and become as educated as you can with regards to HRT.

Oh, that's disappointing.

I guess that means it wouldn't be a good idea to try HRT but then get off of it if I start to develop breasts?

Oh well, I have some time to think about it, I think. I would like to get facial feminization surgery, first.
Thank you everyone for helping!

[LizMarie]

I'm going to throw more cold water here too.

Facial feminization surgery won't help for long if you continue with testosterone and your face continues to masculinize. It may even end up looking totally unlike what you want or expect. FFS is usually done in concert with someone who is taking estrogen and suppressing testosterone to avoid further masculinization.

Look at pictures of any young guy at say, 20. Then look at a picture of that guy at 30, then 40, then 50. You'll see increasing masculinization of the face over time. How much varies but it's almost always there. It's one reason I will eventually do FFS myself. If I cold have transitioned at 18 or 19, I might never have needed it. Now I want it. I can get by without it but it will help a lot and some older transwoman absolutely need it.

I am still concerned that you have this external ideal that is driving you. I think you and a therapist need to address that first, before you make any decisions at all.

[kelly_aus]

I'm going to throw more cold water here too.

Facial feminization surgery won't help for long if you continue with testosterone and your face continues to masculinize. It may even end up looking totally unlike what you want or expect. FFS is usually done in concert with someone who is taking estrogen and suppressing testosterone to avoid further masculinization.

Look at pictures of any young guy at say, 20. Then look at a picture of that guy at 30, then 40, then 50. You'll see increasing masculinization of the face over time. How much varies but it's almost always there. It's one reason I will eventually do FFS myself. If I cold have transitioned at 18 or 19, I might never have needed it. Now I want it. I can get by without it but it will help a lot and some older transwoman absolutely need it.

I am still concerned that you have this external ideal that is driving you. I think you and a therapist need to address that first, before you make any decisions at all.

LizMarie has it right.. FFS is designed and intended for people on HRT. Your natural T levels will work to further the masculinisation of your face, leading, possibly, to regular repeat visits to the surgeon to fix the damage that age-related masculinisation takes place.

[Hideyoshi]

Oh, that's disappointing.

I guess that means it wouldn't be a good idea to try HRT but then get off of it if I start to develop breasts?

Oh well, I have some time to think about it, I think. I would like to get facial feminization surgery, first.
Thank you everyone for helping!

There's no reason that you couldn't start HRT under a physician's supervision. My GP wrote me a prescription after telling me to wait a month and think about it. Every subsequent visit each month, before he increased my dose, he asked me if I would like to go ahead with the treatment. You can definitely try HRT to see if it's right for you. You won't get really any permanent changes until breasts really start to come in.

[kelly_aus]

I really like Andreja Pejić. I'm a really really big fan of her and would like to look like her.

Hormones, sweety.. Hormones.. Despite her protests otherwise.. And I will continue to try and forget the appalling things she has said about trans women..

[Hideyoshi]

Hormones, sweety.. Hormones.. Despite her protests otherwise.. And I will continue to try and forget the appalling things she has said about trans women..

wasn't she not on HRT yet?