My parents don't want me to see a psychologist. :(

[✰Fairy~Wishes✰]

I would like to have a gender dsyphoria diagnosis and get help with gender stuffies. But my parents keep discouraging me and say they don't want me to see a psychologist.

They tell me things like "a psychologist isn't going to make everything magically better." and "a psychologist is only going to tell you how to help yourself". My parents don't seem to like the idea of me seeing a psychologist. And my dad says he thinks that psychologists don't know what they're doing

But I really feel like it would help to see a psychologist and an endocrinologist and other help. What do you think I should tell my parents?

Thanks so much in for your help in advance!

[Jill F]

Sounds like your parents need to see one almost as badly as you do.

And they are right about the fact that the psychologist can only tell you how to help yourself.  That's sort of the point, but by doing this my therapist essentially saved my life- and yes, she knew EXACTLY what she was doing.   

What I am thinking is that your parents aren't ready to handle the "T-bomb" that you are about to drop on them and wish to delay what is likely inevitable.

If you feel in any way like you will end up harming yourself in any way, then you need to see someone before that ever happens.  I doubt very much your parents want that.

Hugs,
Jill

[findingreason]

My mother had for years tried to make it sound like therapists or psychologists were the enemy; that if I went to see one, I would get messed up, I would have a mental health record affecting me the rest of my life, etc....

I still went anyway regardless, and have no regrets. Later I learned she had a bias against them because of a bad experience she had with them, which she had let cloud her vision ever since then. I wonder if your parents have a skeleton in the closet of sorts like that, or if they are just afraid of what is coming?

Are you in college at all, or a school with access to good counseling services? If you are, it may be worth going to. Whenever I am going full time to a university, I always used their services, they provide them often times no charge to students (covered by tuition/health insurance plan on campus). They may not be gender specialists, but it was a good starting place for me until I could get access to a specialist.

[suzifrommd]

Is there an adult at your school or in your neighborhood that you can trust? Someone you can reach out to who might be able to influence your parents.

Also, is there an LGBT support organization in your area? They might be willing to contact your parents and provide an educational or advocacy role. There are also national organizations to support LGBT teens. The Trevor Project and the GLBT National Help Center each have hotlines.

Hugs, sweetie. You're in a really difficult situation. Please don't give up trying to educate your parents, with our without allies. It is their responsibility to provide medical care when you need it, including mental health care. Their lack of knowledge (or willingness to face the issue) is keeping them from doing what they need to.

And please keep posting. Let us be here for you when you need us.

[✰Fairy~Wishes✰]

Actually, I'm an adult...
My parents just don't want me to see a psychologist so much that I'm afraid they wouldn't let me live here if I went to see a psychologist.

I have a minimum wage job and I've applied for hundreds of others and haven't been able to get another. I've almost applied for every single place in my town.
I feel... kind of lucky right now to make 1,000 dollars a month. And it's hard to find a good place to rent for less than $700 a month. And I wouldn't have any money to save if I spent $700 a month on rent...

I'm thinking of doing internet courses stuff, so I can get a better job.

Hugs,
Jill

Hugs, sweetie. You're in a really difficult situation. Please don't give up trying to educate your parents, with our without allies. It is their responsibility to provide medical care when you need it, including mental health care. Their lack of knowledge (or willingness to face the issue) is keeping them from doing what they need to.

And please keep posting. Let us be here for you when you need us.

Awwwwww, thank you so much! ❤

[Taka]

why don't you find a less than good place to live?
if not for this child of mine, i'd live in the cheapest place i could find without mold and holes in the walls and roof.

if you can afford seeing the therapist, and can get there on your own... what's really stopping you?
isn't it your choice to "waste" money?
you might not even need many appointments to find out what you have to do in order to become happier.

only problem i have with therapists is that i don't know how to use them. i know the theory behind and stuff, but when i see one... even when i was super depressed and all, i couldn't manage to convince them i really did need help. i seem way too lecel headed for most. and i'm reflected, know myself almost perfectly well. saw a gender (actually sex) therapist once, and all she could say was that it seems i already know who i am. unfortunately that doesn't help me get any treatment, informed consent seems nonexistent here.

[♥︎ SarahD ♥︎]

Actually, I'm an adult...
My parents just don't want me to see a psychologist so much that I'm afraid they wouldn't let me live here if I went to see a psychologist...

Hunni, if you're an adult then you can do what you like (within reason, obviously lol).  With all due respect to your parents, if they don't like the idea of you going to a gender therapist, then tough luck for them.  Just do it anyway.  You don't have to tell them what you're doing, at least not until after you've done it (when they have no way to talk you out of it because now it's in the past).

Out of curiosity, have you actually come out to your folks yet about being trans*?  I mean, do they know you specifically want to see a gender specialist or do they have the impression you're talking about a regular psych?

<3

[Allyda]

Actually, I'm an adult...
My parents just don't want me to see a psychologist so much that I'm afraid they wouldn't let me live here if I went to see a psychologist.

I have a minimum wage job and I've applied for hundreds of others and haven't been able to get another. I've almost applied for every single place in my town.
I feel... kind of lucky right now to make 1,000 dollars a month. And it's hard to find a good place to rent for less than $700 a month. And I wouldn't have any money to save if I spent $700 a month on rent...

I'm thinking of doing internet courses stuff, so I can get a better job.
Awwwwww, thank you so much! ❤

You could maybe if you know or have a TG friend go in on a place together as roommates. The other person doesn't even have to be trans as long as they know your situation and are supportive. I ran into the same problem with my adopted Mom, and Father sometimes(they were divorced, and he was a last resort if an emergency arose). While under their roof I had to follow "their rules" despite my age. I couldn't wear pink, nor my dresses or skirts I loved so much.

I know this is a lil different from seeing a therapist. But my point is, it just might be better if you could get out from under their roof.

Ally

[2fish]

I'm not yet out to my parents about being trans. I already have my diagnosis of GID/GD and I'll have my letter and assessment on the 21st of this month. I also have my first Endo appointment on the 22nd of this month. My parents don't yet know and won't know until I am officially on T. Why? Because just like your parents, they don't believe in getting outside help. They think that talking to others is a shameful thing. I made the decision to get checked out because I wasn't feeling right. Now that I have GD for sure, I can get the help I need to function better in this life/body that I was given. Because you are an adult you are not doing things behind their back. I too live with my family and don't make enough to pay rent and transition and pay for all of my bills. At first I felt bad about them not knowing, but then I realized that I need this to happen for me to live. My parents brought me into the world and promised to love and care for me unconditionally. When my mother became pregnant with me, she did not have an ultrasound to find out what my sex would be. Instead, she popped out a baby and instantly loved me. She has been a great mother in the sense that she has put a roof over my head, food on my table, and clothes on my back. As far as emotions go, it's not her strong point, but that doesn't make her a bad mother at all. The way I look at life now is, I have my own fears and my parents have their own fears about my life. There fears should not become my fears because I already have my own fears. I always used to care about what they were feeling and would accommodate them and put my feelings aside. That ended up making me depressed. Now, I have taken care of myself and my needs emotionally since I know that I was unable to get that kind of support at home. Life is about discovering who you are in this world and learning to fit in it comfortably. I wish you the very best and feel free to chat any time.

[✰Fairy~Wishes✰]

why don't you find a less than good place to live?

Well... I would like a good place to live.

And... I'm... I'm scared of bad neighborhoods. I-I don't to be hurt.

[♥︎ SarahD ♥︎]

...And... I'm... I'm scared of bad neighborhoods. I-I don't to be hurt.

Awww, hunni ♥︎*Big Hugs*♥︎

[Allyda]

Well... I would like a good place to live.

And... I'm... I'm scared of bad neighborhoods. I-I don't to be hurt.

This^^___^^ is why I suggested roommates. With one or more roommates, you'll be able to afford a place in a decent neighborhood and still be able to afford transition.

Ally

[✰Fairy~Wishes✰]

Awww, hunni ♥︎*Big Hugs*♥︎

Awwww, thank you.

*hugs*

<3

[OlderTG]

I think 2fish has done a good job of pointing out how loved ones consciously or unconsciously can trap you into a no-win situation. If you go behind their back in any way, it can be considered a lie by omission and if you tell them up front, they don't want to accept, disagree, won't 'allow' you to get the help you so desperately need.

I've hidden my girl clothes, in whatever form they took at any point in my life, for over 50 years. Why? Duh! But so often loved ones either don't believe in the therapy you need or want you to avoid it so THEY won't have to accept it!

This is a turning point in your life. Whatever you do, as others have said, don't just sit there until you have bad thoughts with potentially bad results. You can't have it all. No one in any situation can have it all. There's a cost to everything - haha...even having all the money in the world has it's cost in one way or another.
I'm in the process of losing my wife, probably my kids and with that two beautiful granddaughters. I'm fortunate in many ways because I am in a better position financially, but, without going into great detail, I'll need to stretch considerably to get myself an apartment where I can keep my job and at that, I know that once I begin to transition I'll lose my job anyway. The point is that we are all (or most of us) going to have to give something up to become who we truly are.

You can describe a horrible life situation and you can feel somewhat helpless. But that is NO place to be. You fear being in a neighborhood where you might be hurt. If you stay in this feeling of helplessness, where you can't get out on your own but your parents won't allow you to do what you need to do, I'd say you're already in a neighborhood that is dangerous to you! One way or another you've GOT to escape that feeling of helplessness.

For one thing, coming to this site was good - now, turn around, bend over and let some people here give you a good swift kick to get you going! No offense, because an online TG friend of mine has been kicking my butt for a while now and it's doing me some good.

So here's a kick from me - one who needs lots of kicks herself - GET SOME HELP!!! Find a support group nearby - hopefully you can find one online. Ask on this site if there's anyone living nearby you. Get some face-to-face support.

I'm noticing here more and more something that is very important for even the neediest among us; we all need support. There are some wonderful people here who go to great lengths to reach out to others and give them help...and also are need of help themselves. No shame in that, at all. The only 'shame' is that it would be a shame if you don't get the help you need!

Good luck, but get moving!!!

Hugs,
Paula