I don't want to be transgender anymore.

[Felishia]

This country (Venezuela) and my parents don't help at all; I'm not out, but I suppose people can guess.

What I only do now is study, but I study for 'nothing', because I seem to be unable to get a damn job, none would let me apply, some people don't even let me do the tests, I can't apply for a scholarship or anything at all. The worst is that I'd create my own little bussiness to earn at least some money, I'm a programmer, so that'd work of course, if I had internet to do freelance jobs, my parents do not want because they say it's internet and TV's fault my 'weird attitudes'.

Doctors are a pain in the ass, they're the worst people you'd like to see for help, the most they'd do is give you antiphysicotics because "you're crazy" (with that words I've been told). Of course if you give them enough money, they might change their minds.

I don't really have "friends" to talk to, people talk about internet and games stuff I really don't know about, such as xbox, some weird games, videos, facebook, important people, anime, cartoons, I don't get a thing; also they talk about relationships, but that wouldn't give me a clue, I've always been single and lonely, I don't know about those sort of things, most about relationships is online anyway, I can't understand, I could talk any random stuff, but I don't fit, I don't share anything in common with anyone. My life is basically a bunch of numbers and algorithms that none belives I can perform, while the others are haging out together and having fun.

But there's no point in learning such methods when people think you're a dumb ->-bleeped-<-. Also I can't leave Venezuela because I'm poor as ->-bleeped-<-, where would I go anyway?

What I fear now is that college could kick me for whatever reason they think innapropiate, and being girly is one; if you think that's extreme, I already got warned and they put that as a note in my history; then I'm told that with a note in the history they won't give me the letter of "good behaviour" (something like that), which apparently is a request for studying overseas.

Yeah I guess I'll have to learn how to be a hairdresser, or shoes stuff, or I don't know, the only job I was ever offered was as a prostitute.

-----

I forgot to say that I already take hormones and spiro, been since I was 17 or so, can't remember; I was going to suicide, I was extremely sick too because I would barely eat, extremely underweight, so I choose to do it no matters what. I'm 19yo now, and well I kinda look like a girl, which gets some pain away from me, but at the same time causes people to discriminate me.

[Foxglove]

Sorry, Felishia, I don't really know what to tell you.  It's easy to understand why you're so unhappy.  I was wondering: do you know any other transpeople?  Is there an LGBT group anywhere near you?

[Newgirl Dani]

Just cant imagine being in this type of environment.  Must be beyond tough, hopefully you have an option to relocate to a more tolerant country?  This is of coarse if your willing to sacrifice your native culture.  Wish you the best, and give updates.    Dani

[CrysC]

That's terrible Felishia.  If you could only get your college degree you might be able to escape the situation. 

In looking at the situation there, wow, be careful.  I hope you can get somewhere where you can be yourself and not worry about getting killed because of it.

[JulieBlair]

Felishia,
I wish that Venezuela wasn't so backward and unaccepting of honest people who are not in the gender mainstream.  You know what, I don't want to be trans either.  I spent longer than you've been alive trying not to be, doing anything I could to make the charade real.  The problem is, it just can't be done.  We are not insane, we are not wrong, we are not bad.  Don't ever let them convince you that you are.

Software engineering and development are skills that transfer across borders.  Do what you can to finish your university education.  For me that became the path to opportunity, and eventually to transition, authenticity and happiness.  Don't ever give in, don't ever give up.  You have community here.  For me this was the only place where, for what seemed a very long time, I could be real and I could be open about who I was, and what I needed and wanted from life.

You are not alone, there are other LGBT people around you if you look.  Even in South America there are trans communities, Columbia is better than Venezuela but there are activists in Caracas and elsewhere, with education you won't be limited to hairdressing or hooking.  I know it is hard, and I know it is unfair.  You will have to be strong because there isn't any reasonable alternative.  Use Susan's for strength.  There are many people your age world wide who come here for help.  Some of these men and women are so brilliant that I am stunned at their perceptiveness.  They and I are here for you.  I am glad you are reaching out, hands will reach back.  I wish you nothing but hope and love.

Vaya  Con Dios mi amiga,

Julie

[Skeptoid]

Maybe try contacting some embassies and requesting asylum. It's not perfect and is a major battle all its own but it better than trying nothing and being depressed forever.

[Blue Senpai]

Felishia,
I wish that Venezuela wasn't so backward and unaccepting of honest people who are not in the gender mainstream.  You know what, I don't want to be trans either.  I spent longer than you've been alive trying not to be, doing anything I could to make the charade real.  The problem is, it just can't be done.  We are not insane, we are not wrong, we are not bad.  Don't ever let them convince you that you are.

Software engineering and development are skills that transfers across borders.  Do what you can to finish your university education.  For me that became the path to opportunity, and eventually to transition, authenticity and happiness.  Don't ever give in, don't ever give up.  You have community here.  For me this was the only place where, for what seemed a very long time, I could be real and I could be open about who I was, and what I needed and wanted from life.

You are not alone, there are other LGBT people around you if you look.  Even in South America there are trans communities, Columbia is better than Venezuela but there are activists in Caracas and elsewhere, with education you won't be limited to hairdressing or hooking.  I know it is hard, and I know it is unfair.  You will have to be strong because there isn't any reasonable alternative.  Use Susan's for strength.  There are many people your age world wide who come here for help.  Some of these men and women are so brilliant that I am stunned at their perceptiveness.  They and I are here for you.  I am glad you are reaching out, hands will reach back.  I wish you nothing but hope and love.

Vaya  Con Dios mi amiga,

Julie

With the exception of Brazil, South America is really behind the times, gender roles are very clear-cut and religion is followed quite sacredly. There's barely any tolerance for gay, lesbian and bisexuals. Transgender is generally unheard of in the general population and you're not very free to explore gender because not only can people be verbally abusive, there's no stopping them from resorting to violence in an instant because they can get away with it scot-free. Bolivia is no different from Venezuela. If I transitioned there and people notice any slightest thing, there's no stopping them from kidnapping or murdering me. No one will do squat.

This continent needs a social movement ASAP.

I can very much relate to your pain because I know what the Latino culture is like, amigo. My heart cries out for you.

[Lostkitten]

How old are you, if you don't mind telling?

Maybe this won't be a popular opinion, but could you wait with transitioning? You got unfair places, unfair moments and very difficult times where you have to put up priorities. Now it is normal if transitioning is priority number 1 but the downsides of it is that you do need a stable life and an income to be able to afford/handle it. Try and put all your thoughts and efforts in your job/study for now. As soon as you can move out, got a job or can work overseas, you can transition.

If a note for good behavior is a must but you don't get one. Get (old) jobs write recommendations for you and/or make a LinkedIn profile and get them to do it on there. I am not familiar with the culture of Venezuela but in many countries companies appreciate motivation more than just a good course you followed.

Maybe you can reprogram your mind to work on your career only so that you can be on your own as soon as possible. Then you are a lot more free to do as you wish. If anything.. the more people tell you, you can't do it or that you won't make it, keep working hard and someday show them they were all wrong.

[CrysC]

Sometimes you do what you need to do to survive.  I agree with Kirey and myself have to go around mostly as a guy for the sake of my marriage and work, for now anyhow. 
As Julie said, there isn't a cure.  Wish there was many times myself.  Thus said, if looking for advice, you need to get past what that place has against us even if it means hiding who you are for a few more years so you can move away and transition safely. 
Good luck sweetie.

[Joanna Dark]

With the exception of Brazil, South America is really behind the times, gender roles are very clear-cut and religion is followed quite sacredly. There's barely any tolerance for gay, lesbian and bisexuals. Transgender is generally unheard of in the general population and you're not very free to explore gender because not only can people be verbally abusive, there's no stopping them from resorting to violence in an instant because they can get away with it scot-free. Bolivia is no different from Venezuela. If I transitioned there and people notice any slightest thing, there's no stopping them from kidnapping or murdering me. No one will do squat.

This continent needs a social movement ASAP.

I can very much relate to your pain because I know what the Latino culture is like, amigo. My heart cries out for you.

Well, that's funny because I thought Argentine was the only country in the world where SRS is written as a right in their constituion. I hear Chile is quiet tolerant too. Northern South America--I don't know much about, but I heard most of it is pretty forward thinking, outside of Venezuala, unfortunately for the OP. Maybe The other Northern countries too. I just know Argentine and Chile and I think Peru--not so much.

[Blue Senpai]

Well, that's funny because I thought Argentine was the only country in the world where SRS is written as a right in their constituion. I hear Chile is quiet tolerant too. Northern South America--I don't know much about, but I heard most of it is pretty forward thinking, outside of Venezuala, unfortunately for the OP. Maybe The other Northern countries too. I just know Argentine and Chile and I think Peru--not so much.

It's still not very tolerant as America and Europe, which is a major stress for us Latinos that live there and makes life very hard. Not only you have to transition, you have to overcome a very ingrained cultural barrier and clearly defined gender roles.

[Felishia]

How old are you, if you don't mind telling?

Maybe this won't be a popular opinion, but could you wait with transitioning? You got unfair places, unfair moments and very difficult times where you have to put up priorities. Now it is normal if transitioning is priority number 1 but the downsides of it is that you do need a stable life and an income to be able to afford/handle it. Try and put all your thoughts and efforts in your job/study for now. As soon as you can move out, got a job or can work overseas, you can transition.

If a note for good behavior is a must but you don't get one. Get (old) jobs write recommendations for you and/or make a LinkedIn profile and get them to do it on there. I am not familiar with the culture of Venezuela but in many countries companies appreciate motivation more than just a good course you followed.

Maybe you can reprogram your mind to work on your career only so that you can be on your own as soon as possible. Then you are a lot more free to do as you wish. If anything.. the more people tell you, you can't do it or that you won't make it, keep working hard and someday show them they were all wrong.

I am 19 years old ATM, I think I forgot to say that I'm already taking hormones, been since I was, I don't know, 17 maybe? I can't remember those were terrible times, I was going to suicide, but it was that or hormones. I added some content about this on the main message.

[ImagineKate]

If you're on hormones you're practically halfway there.

Not even a small chance of escaping your country? I am familiar with Venezuela having been there pretty often (I am from Trinidad). Maybe look into studying abroad.. I know college is heavily subsidized/free in Venezuela but you can get full scholarships in other countries if you're good enough. Getting in with a student visa, studying and then turning that into a work visa and eventually permanent residence is a common path for many.

[anjaq]

Are there any options for a legal gender change in your country? If so, you could maybe get that officially changed and then start college in a different city away from parents without anyone knowing the past? Alternatively, can't you find some work and afford your own room somewhere with internet and then work on your business plan? If all that cannot work , I guess all that remains is to play their game a while longer and pretend to be a guy, which must be really harsh - just long enough to make it through college. I think thats hard. I tried that and could not do it, had to transition halfway through and restart a new college/university degree at a different university without telling anyone there about the pre transition time.
Very last resort, if you really are threatened with your life if you just are who you are, you can apply for asylum, but thats not fun either.
Did you find a doctor that supports you with hormones or is that inofficial.

[anjaq]

Really a shame. Just read this http://www.courrierinternational.com/article/2014/09/19/les-esprits-de-la-mangrove - apparently the original inhabitants of Venzuela were a lot more open to transgender than the present main culture.

[Felishia]

Are there any options for a legal gender change in your country? If so, you could maybe get that officially changed and then start college in a different city away from parents without anyone knowing the past? Alternatively, can't you find some work and afford your own room somewhere with internet and then work on your business plan? If all that cannot work , I guess all that remains is to play their game a while longer and pretend to be a guy, which must be really harsh - just long enough to make it through college. I think thats hard. I tried that and could not do it, had to transition halfway through and restart a new college/university degree at a different university without telling anyone there about the pre transition time.
Very last resort, if you really are threatened with your life if you just are who you are, you can apply for asylum, but thats not fun either.
Did you find a doctor that supports you with hormones or is that inofficial.

it is inofficial that docs help you with hormones, if they do it, usually it's because you give them a lot of money... to find a trans-friendly doc is quite weird, maybe in other cities.

You can't legally change your gender in Venezuela; there's a transgender lawyer (someone I respect very much) in Venezuela who has been fighting for her own legal gender change but she hasn't been able, and she has international doctorates and stuffs, and still.

[anjaq]

Ok, so if there is no legal gender marker change in that country you probably can only try for a while to play the stupid game and pretend to be a boy until you can get out of the country or you have to see if some country would take you for the reason of being transgender. Both does sound really harsh. I wish I could help you somehow, that country really seems hard to be in as a transgender. What do others do in that country - are they all still trying to be boys or did some find a way to make it better? Are there any support groups, if there is a well known trans lawyer in the country, she must have connections to other people, maybe you can write her and ask if she knows people in your area you can network with?

[Felishia]

Ok, so if there is no legal gender marker change in that country you probably can only try for a while to play the stupid game and pretend to be a boy until you can get out of the country or you have to see if some country would take you for the reason of being transgender. Both does sound really harsh. I wish I could help you somehow, that country really seems hard to be in as a transgender. What do others do in that country - are they all still trying to be boys or did some find a way to make it better? Are there any support groups, if there is a well known trans lawyer in the country, she must have connections to other people, maybe you can write her and ask if she knows people in your area you can network with?

Most known options (in that order):
- Hide as homosexuals.
- Prostitution.
- Suicide.
- Leave the country, which is hard as hell because guvernament makes it so.

The lawyer helped writting WPATH revision 7, that's the way I met her, but actually, she doesn't know much people as you may guess, she recommended me a doctor, which is in the other side of the country too away from where I am, neither I have to pay.

[anjaq]

How are you financing yourself right now? Cant you move to be in a better area like that where the doctor live or that lawyer? Can that lawyer not give hints also to meetings?
Pleas dont consider option 3, I guess option 1 (temporarily) or 4 are better.
Regarding the option 4, I found this http://www.ilga-europe.org/home/guide_europe/country_by_country/denmark/first_transgender_person_granted_asylum_in_denmark
I do not know if this is of relevance to you, but apparently Denmark and maybe Sweden are pretty trans friendly countries who also might accept ->-bleeped-<- as a reason to grant asylum. Its not easy though - they had to fight for that. But maybe you can look into the present day transgender asylum rules in Europe. Sadly Europe is on the way to become conservative and right wing again

P.S.: Also maybe http://www.ilga-europe.org/home/issues/asylum_in_europe/country_by_country/nl
"The Netherlands will provide subsidiary protection to those who are not being prosecuted but face the grave threat of torture or degrading treatment , in application of article 3 ECHR. Furthermore, Dutch ministers have discretion to give protection when they deem it would result in "exceptionally severe consequences. " However, they seldom use this possibility.

People with a homosexual preference are not expected to hide this preference upon return. If the asylum seeker is not really homosexual, but it is credible that he or she is considered as such by the authorities and it is plausible that persecution has taken or will take place, the asylum seeker will be considered a refugee under the Convention. Although it is not explicitly mentioned in the policy rules, transgender asylum seekers are also considered as a social group under the Refugee Convention."

[kaye]

I think for some people in the world there needs to be an extra step in their transition, and that's emigration.

Get together the money for a plane ticket somehow, pick a trans friendly country accepting of refugees and claim asylum when you get there.