Here is my official introduction post.
Let me introduce myself. My name is Amy Danielle. I started life dressed in baby blue. You may be wondering where I am going with this. Keep reading.
You may be wondering why would they dress a baby girl with the color they use for boys. Well, they assumed I was a boy. It was quite obvious. However, they were wrong. So, I had to grow up living life as a boy. I was not good at it either. Imagine that. As I grew up, I discovered who I was over time.
At first, I was not aware that I was a girl. I believed what people kept telling me to be true. However, my childhood best friend was a girl. I loved playing with her. At that time, I did not know I was a girl. I only knew that I liked the clothes, toys, and other things that were off limits to boys.
I was not like the other boys even though I looked like an average boy. I did not care for the traditional activities boys enjoyed. I hated sports and I still do to this day. All through grade school, middle school, and most of high school I was teased and bullied. They must have noticed something that I was only starting to get the grasp of at the time.
Sometime during middle school, I saw the light and finally discovered what was causing all my strange thoughts and problems during my life. I'm supposed to be a girl. At the time, I did not know that gender identity and physical gender could be incorrectly matched. One day I was watching television and turned on a talk show that had male to female transsexuals as guests. It was at this time I learned that I could become a girl.
For several years, each day, I daydreamed about being a girl. I dreamed how people would treat me and how I would look in a particular dress or skirt. I wanted to know what it was like to not be covered in hair but have long hair. I was wanting the things that separated girls from boys. I wanted what made them different.
By the time I started college, the Internet was just becoming a standard in life. Sometime in my third year, I did a search for sex changes. I was up all night reading websites of girls like me. I related to many of their stories which was weird. By weird, I mean this was the first time I felt I had something in common with other people. I always felt out of place. My interests did not match those of most boys and did not match those of most girls either. How can that be if I am a girl? I was born male. I was flawed and raised the wrong way so I never was able to be myself. I had to live up to expectations of others. So, I never developed any interests in girls things out of fear.
During my internet searches, I found 3 sites. The first site which helped me become Amy was Susan's (susans.org). It was at this site that I attempted to identify as Amy. I had not chosen the name Amy back then. I did not feel like I fit in because everyone was so much older than I was. I next found another site that was for guys who like skirts but want to present a male and masculine image. When growing up, I had a fascination of skirts. It was a fundamental clothing style that only girls were allowed to wear. I wanted to wear skirts just the same. At that site, I found many guys who liked to wear skirts and kilts as guys. I thought maybe this is me. So, I became very active. I grew so much during that time. I wore my first skirt in public. However, there was something that was not complete. I was pretty comfortable wearing skirts in public shortly after starting but when I saw other girls I was always catching myself wanting to be them. While at that site, I learned about another site. This place was a God sent gift. Here there were a bunch of guys that were into a much wider selection of clothing options. Here we had guys wanting to wear one piece swimsuits, skirts, dresses, and anything else they wanted. So, I finally felt I found a home. A place where I found many people who had similar ideas that I had. Yet, my desire to be a girl was still there. Something was still missing.
Toward the end of my college years, I was very active in those 2 sites. I was a successful male skirt wearer. Life must be good. I did not even bat an eyelid going out in public wearing a skirt.
My desire for more feminine outfits grew during this time. I would wear dresses, skirts, blouses, pantyhose, panties, nail polish, fragrances, and anything else I wanted. I kept my legs shaved since that makes one more feminine.
I next found myself hanging out in an androgynes mailing list. Over time the mailing list became more history than experiences. I lost interest and removed myself from their list.
As my desire to be feminine grew, I started wearing only women's clothing in public. I was still presenting to people as a guy throughout this entire time.
That was the past.
Now in present time, I have learned that no matter how much artificial femininity I add, it does not fix anything. My body is still male and still looks that way. I am still seen as a guy to almost everyone. However, I am not attempting to actually pass either. I don't wear wigs and don't wear makeup except for nail polish. And I really have not made any decision to transition either. So, I have not seen any therapists. If I do decide I need to transition, then I would seek a therapist to help in confirming that or whatever.
But for the most part, I just try to be who I am as much as possible. Since this picture was taken, I now have breast forms that I wear when out in public and I now have both ears pierced and wear earrings all the time now. Even while at work and have to present fully male.
Here is a picture of me about a year and a half ago.
Thanks for reading...
Amy
Edited to remove names of other sites because I don't want to sound like I am advertising those sites.
