So I will give a synopsis of my transition so you can get a better idea. And yes, I'm far older so I don't think I'm breaking any of the rules. I will not discuss exact dosages on the public forum. This is a long post giving you an insight of what I experienced during HRT, and questions will follow just to give you an overall outlook on why I feel frustrated and to help you in giving me an accurate answer to questions.
I started transitioning in my Sophomore year when my adam's apple started coming in. At that time, it was about a year after I came out to my parents. They weren't making efforts to see a doctor about blockers until I started having panic attacks and pushed them to let me see an endo because I could feel my adams apple coming in. It wasn't apparent unless I extended my neck back or if you touched my neck you could feel a little bump. She started me on a really low dosage of blockers (aldactone) from March 2013 until November 2013.
Effects were apparent within the next few days of starting them. I noticed I would wake up with less oil on my face, significantly less than before and i used to wake up every morning with a lot of oil. 3 days into taking them, it was 95% gone. Within the first month, my breasts started getting painful and tender. I had giant breast buds on such a low dosage, and I wasn't on anything else at that time so effects were very apparent and I would think my body would react perfectly. They were in a lot of pain for a long period of time, about 3-4 months but the pain subsided. My adam's apple also decreased in size. My skin got smoother somewhat. My voice kind of got higher for some reason. And yes, for those people who say voices don't change, they can. My endocrinologist is known for transgender care and told me. She also tells me shoe sizes won't change, but I used to wear a men's 9 & woman's 10 in heeels, and now I'm a men's 7 1/2 & women's 8 1/2 to 9 1/2 for heels, so thats debatable.
In November 2013, she started me on a very low dose of oral estradiol and doubled my blocker to a somewhat normal dose. I started taking these and in June of 2014, I went in for a follow-up, she took my blood and doubled the dose of my estrogen. Still, it's extremely low and I voiced to her how nothing has changed since I began. A month after my appointment, she told me my results were really good. She said my T levels were lower than expected and my estrogen levels were in the 60s range. Probably higher because of the higher dose since then. And that was shocking to me, because sometimes I forgot to take my hormones. In fact I do have a horrible tendency to forget taking them.
However, my face doesn't look much different than when I started, infact I think it looks a little manlier than before, and I wasn't really manly looking to begin with. I have male-like structure, but I have really feminine features. Some people say I look a little bit more feminine than I Did before, but I don't see it. I never had a problem with facial hair, but now my facial hair is full on beard, grows back fast, and darker and thicker. Again, I barely had any facial hair to start with and i barely shaved. I'm 5'8", 144 lbs now, I started at 5'7" at 110-115 lbs. You'd think that all the weight I've gained would go to my face or something but it hasn't. I don't even think my breasts have grown the slightest bit bigger and they aren't as tender as they were when I started blockers. I dont think they're a full cup size yet and it's almost been a year. No nipple development at all, they look the same size to me, although the areola is a little bit bigger than before. I do feel the fat in them and I can pull them together to make cleavage, but they aren't round and if I don't pull them together, they look like a males chest kind of. Facial hair is still a bigger problem too like I said. My thighs, arms, butt, and legs have definitely lost muscle and filled with fat, but my thighs look skinnier and feel slimmer. I didnt have steroid muscled legs either as I didn't workout much. I gain weight in my stomach too mostly.
But anyway, the biggest concerns/questions I have are listed below;
1. Since I'm on a low dose, will it take me longer to transition than those you see on youtube over 2 years of transition?
2. My breasts aren't developing much on a low dose. I told this to my doctor and asked her if I could start on a dose 4x the dose she originally started me on and she said no. (I asked her when I was on that original dose.) Will they develop with a higher dose? They feel sensitive at times, but not constantly like they did with my blockers and buds.
3. Does breast pain stop after the buds? Like is there any sort of developing pain to signify they're still growing?
4. My family is known for perky, full and big chests, and thick bodies (not fat, but curvy). My sister's 5'4" and shes a 34C, my mom is a 40DD. I'm 5'8, I wear 34C (but I dont have the tissue to fill it, I just stuff them for a bigger chest. Don't really know what bra size I am, don't really think I am a size tbh). Would it be safe to say that my genetics will rule in favor for a bigger chest? within a cup size of my sister?
5. Will adding Progesterone help my body develop faster or better? Will it help my breasts fill out?
6. I'm not moody much, estrogen never really made me more emotional. I do feel more emotions at sad parts of movies and stuff, but it doesn't make me cry. Is that normal?
7. What facial changes can I expect? I think my cheek bones are bigger, but I don't really see a significant change to my face. In fact, I think it's definitely skinnier than before and it was noticeable to my teachers at school (they didnt know I was transitioning and went to my school psych to address concerns about my face "caving" in. That was when I wasn't eating right and I was losing weight.) I want bigger cheeks. My face is still very skinny. And I still have acne problems even though my endo said estrogen and spiro would help with it.
8. Do you think changes will be better or more apparent and drastic when I get up to the more therapeutic dosages like most girls take?
9. How can I get my endo to increase the dosage more than just double the dose I'm currently taking? It's still low and would still be low when she doubles it the next follow-up. I think that 6 month increments are very slow and that I should be able to take a normal therapeutic dose. I mean seriously, it's a really low dose. PM me if you want to know more about it.
PS I know the YMMV rule, but I'd think that if my body reacted so quickly and reacted really well to it initially, that I'd have really drastic results at the end like most older MtFs did. I've seen really manly, older MTFs transition to really passable girls, and my genetics, and age is more of an advantage then them, especially with a less manly face.
Anyway, thank you for reading this long, long, very boring post but I've got so many concerns and I thought the more information I provided, the better the feedback and the better you could gauge me with your answers.
I know this isn't advice from a medical professional, I just want to hear other's views based on their experiences.
Much Love,
-A
