New here

[LittleBoyBear]

Okay, Hi.
So I've been talking with a trans female friend a lot recently. She pointed out earlier this summer something that I've been trying to deny for... well, forever, I guess: that I'm transgender. I'm finally starting to admit it to myself and even others who I trust.
As far back as I can remember, I wanted to be a boy. If you asked me when I was a little kid "What do you want to be when you grow up?" My answer was "A boy!" I honestly thought that at some point while growing up, you got to choose a form to take to live as for the rest of your life. What an innocent, great fantasy, huh? Sometime around puberty, it dawned on me that that's not how it is, and that grown-ups had been asking me a totally different question....
So, here I am, looking for answers, looking for other people who may be in a similar boat or anybody who will listen.
I'm 34 and live just outside of Chicago. I have an intense love for the Martial Arts, as well as the Healing Arts (Massage therapy, acupuncture, etc.) Since I compete in the martial arts, I am afraid of getting on Testosterone. It is considered a steroid and would give me an unfair advantages over female competitors. Even registering as a male, if I got tested, they would find the drug in my system, I think. However, I am intensely interested in getting top surgery. As others must be, I'm nervous about talking to my family.
That's me in a nutshell.
Hi.
Thanks.
-Bear

[YinYanga]

Welcome Bear, enjoy it here

Some friends are very....valuable

[Ms Grace]

Hey Bear

Welcome to Susan's Great to have you here - looking forward to seeing you around the forum.

As far back as I can remember, I wanted to be a boy. If you asked me when I was a little kid "What do you want to be when you grow up?" My answer was "A boy!" I honestly thought that at some point while growing up, you got to choose a form to take to live as for the rest of your life. What an innocent, great fantasy, huh? Sometime around puberty, it dawned on me that that's not how it is, and that grown-ups had been asking me a totally different question....

That is so sweet and sad at the same time. I know exactly what you mean.

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Cheers

Grace

[Mark3]

Hi Bear. 

It's so nice to meet you, Welcome to the group.
I'm sure you'll find lots of great info and resources here,
as well as some very special people who are always willing to help.

Take care,
Mark

[mrs izzy]

Welcome LittleBoyBear to Susan's family.

A day at a time is how we walk this path.

As for competing that you will have to find by the sanction body.

Therapist is a great starting point in helping get your mind around the process.

Lots here to look and learn fir sure.

Again welcome

[Devlyn]

Hi Bear, nice to meet you! I'm up near Boston. Get busy posting and I'll see you around the site!

Hugs, Devlyn

[LittleBoyBear]

Thanks for the warm welcomes, everybody.
Been having a harder time than usual sleeping lately. Pretty grouchy at work today as a result. I'm going to go see my folk's this weekend and am planning on telling them about all of this, so I bet thats a big part of my anxiety....

[MrKarl35]

Welcome, I am also a new comer to this site. It has already proven very informative and welcoming! Enjoy

[h3llsb3lls]

Hey! Welcome to the club! I know right now, it's confusing and exciting, and seems both hopeless and hopeful at the same time. First of all, don't rush things. I have days when I'm like, "I'll scream it from the rooftops, chop these suckers off, and be on top of the world." But in reality, all good things take time.
Second, you don't have to take T to get top surgery! If I didn't want an awesome beard as bad as I do, I wouldn't be trying to get on it immediately either. I know nothing about the regulations of martial arts, but it's something to consider.
Third, finding out who you are and why you may have been unfulfilled is amazing. Being trans comes with its own sets of issues, but I wouldn't trade the people I've met or the experiences I've had for the world (even the bad ones.).

Good luck!

[adrian]

Hey, welcome! Take one step at a time! You'll feel which steps are necessary for you to feel "yourself". This may require hrt, but it may not. It's about what you need. There's no other rule in this game .

[LittleBoyBear]

Yeah, I can see that some days are better than others as far as calming down and going at a steady pace. Obviously other days are full of angst, dysphoria, you freaking name it.
As far as T, I think the only permanent change that I'm super interested in would be the voice change. It would be nice not to have a period anymore, but honestly, what female *doesn't* want one? And facial hair, yeah, I would kinda like to have me some sideburns, but I can live without. So I'm not 100% decided what to do there. Am I fine living a little more stealth than I am now? (I've identified as gender queer for as far back as I've known what it is) or have I just settled for it...? Are the communities I'm involved in going to be able to see me as a guy, with or without T? Do I *need* to be seen as an actual male, or is the "badass chick who's really one of the guys (but still gets called 'she' and 'her') good enough"? Lately a few open minded people have started calling me by male pronouns and it feels awesome. But it doesn't hurt to be called by female ones. (YET?)
Is there a place to go here to do sort of an on-line diary?
-Bear

[LittleBoyBear]

LOL, I did NOT know it was going to make that little angsty frowny face when I typed three question marks, but I kinda dig it!

[Ali girl]

Welcome!  I am new to the forums also.     

I hope you find it enjoyable here as I have thus far.

[LittleBoyBear]

Yay, 15 posts and I get to modify my profile!!!!
However, every picture I try to upload gets this response: Your attachment couldn't be saved. This might happen because it took too long to upload or the file is bigger than the server will allow.

Please consult your server administrator for more information.

What do I need to do to get one of my own pictures up?

[LordKAT]

To put a photo in a post you  must first put it on a hosting site such as imgur. You then copy the link from that site and put it between img tags. There is a short cut to the image tags in the icons above your posting thing. Bottom row on the left.

[LittleBoyBear]

Awesome, thanks! It let me put this one on and I think I'll just leave it for now.
Love your picture, btw!

[LordKAT]

YW & Danke

[gennee]

Hello and welcome to Susan's,  Bear.