Is it possible to just not transition (and not be miserable?)

[ScottyMac]

I have the female body, but a male brain. I really hate the idea of having to be trans, injecting my whole life, having surgeries, having to 'come out' to people, being rejected, not being able to have kids etc. But when I say to myself 'you can just be a boyish girl, you can still do everything you want, while you might not be able to because you're trans' it just depresses me. I wish I could just be female and get on with life, but I just feel so sad thinking it. I have depression because of being trans, but the anti depressants aren't helping. I hate my body, but I can never have the proper male body so why bother.

I have yet to take testosterone or owt. Just left school because I can't do the work due to depression. So I am stuck in a rut. I would love to be male so much, but I can't be properly. There would always be some secret I'd have to tell people, I hate that. I just want to live a normal male life.

I have been thinking I'll just live as female and not go through all the hassle, but I don't think my brain will let me anymore, and that really scares me.

Is it possible to somehow get rid of the depression and get on with life without transitioning? I don't want to be miserable my whole life, but don't want to have the problems of being trans in today's society.

[Jo-is-amazing]

you poor thing
Its been my experience that these feelings don't get better with time, they get worse. As terrible as it is to be a trans* anything vs. cisgendered people in my mind it was still a better option than being as miserable as I was. You don't have to do anything of course I couldn't deal with it, I tried and tried and tried and it just overwhelmed me, completely.

[Andreja Silvija]

Most things in life just take hard work and resolve. If you are truly trans then what I see here is two choices you are really presenting yourself with; being miserable in the closet for a few decades to life or spending a few awkward years transitioning. I think we live in a much better time to be trans then the men and women that did transition 10+ years ago. Also side note, you don't have to identify yourself as trans for the rest of your life, you can go stealth and leave your past self behind.

[VeryGnawty]

Short answer: No.

Long answer:  There are many factors that make up one's life, and being trans is just one of many.  People have delayed transition for things like family, circumstances, and other issues which are important to them.  It should be noted that in most of these cases people do eventually transition, and transition is merely delayed because they made value judgments about what is most important at the time and NOT because they were trying to avoid transition.  So, it is possible to not transition.  Is it possible to just not transition and not be miserable?  Not usually.

[Alice Rogers]

I don't honestly think any transgender could simply not transition without being miserable, as for being 'normal' there is no such thing anyway. And as for having a 'proper' male body, a guys body comes in infinite varieties anyway.  Hormones and surgery can get you to a point where you will pass 100% as a male to everyone except those you are intimate with.

As for being trans, the VAST majority of people will not know you are trans, they will simply see a man.

If you do not feel that you can be happy in a female body then surely a body that is MUCH closer to the male ideal that you feel you need to be you is better?

On a side note I have seen some male prosthesis that are so good that it is possible to look completely male even when you are naked!

In the end only you can answer your question because we are all individuals.....

Alice
xx

[ScottyMac]

I suppose I am just delaying the inevitable really. I know I'd be happier in a male body. I just hate the hassle, but hopefully it'll be worth it. I always tell people 'screw society, live how you want', just wish I could do that myself.

[Alice Rogers]

I suppose I am just delaying the inevitable really. I know I'd be happier in a male body. I just hate the hassle, but hopefully it'll be worth it. I always tell people 'screw society, live how you want', just wish I could do that myself.

Believe me, the actual act of beginning your transition will not feel like a hassle. Some of the social and relationship issues connected with it can be difficult but getting started, even if it is just talking to a therapist about your needs and feelings can feel like a HUGE relief!

Alice
xx

[kaye]

You're already trans whether you transition or not, you're just pondering whether to let others know or not. You're living for them.

[ScottyMac]

I have to wait until January until the NHS will see me. Don't know what to do until then. Any ideas to alleviate the depression? I try distracting myself with video games but everything just feels boring and monotonous.

[Alice Rogers]

I have to wait until January until the NHS will see me. Don't know what to do until then. Any ideas to alleviate the depression? I try distracting myself with video games but everything just feels boring and monotonous.

How about adding some more masculine stuff to your wardrobe? Or getting a haircut that can pass as male or female? Anything that makes you feel better? When I was in the early stages I used to wear female undies underneath my male clothes, it helped, it really did, maybe you could get some guys undies? Then I moved onto buying female clothes that looked male enough to pass in public. Maybe a more blokey wardrobe will make you feel a little better? You don;t have to share it with the world unless you want to!

Alice
xx

[ScottyMac]

I have got male boxers but they don't really sit right haha.
I don't know, whenever I read about it the general consensus seems to be 'you should tell everyone you're trans, that way you're not living a lie'. The only person I'd want to know is a potential girlfriend, and I couldn't be sure she wouldn't tell people.

[Alice Rogers]

Coming out and telling everyone is a big decision, I put off telling anyone for several years, I never doubted i would tell everyone eventually but it gave me time to learn about myself and the needs I had with respect to my transition. As for potential partners your instincts will usually tell you if she would be safe to confide in, if you doubt her then maybe she wouldn't be such a great catch!

Try something a bit tighter, like lycra shorts. They are pretty comfy no matter what your biology!

Alice
xx

[ScottyMac]

Would I be alright if only my family and potential girlfriend knew? Or would I get 'found out' some how?

[Myarkstir]

As long as you don't start hrt no one would guess. But once you do' it is not long before you won't be able to hide it. Its called beard for one

[ScottyMac]

I mean I do HRT and look male, then go to university where no one will know me. So they'll see me as male. Is there some way they could find out (without me saying), a document or something?

[Alice Rogers]

I mean I do HRT and look male, then go to university where no one will know me. So they'll see me as male. Is there some way they could find out (without me saying), a document or something?

The biggest issue at Uni would be birth name on records, e.g. using your name on info and registers etc. You could head that off by getting your name changed before you applied though.
You don't even have to start a transition in order to change your name!

[ScottyMac]

So if I get a name change, there is no way to find out (without me saying owt)?

[jamesdoran]

I have got male boxers but they don't really sit right haha.
I don't know, whenever I read about it the general consensus seems to be 'you should tell everyone you're trans, that way you're not living a lie'. The only person I'd want to know is a potential girlfriend, and I couldn't be sure she wouldn't tell people.

Dude ->-bleeped-<- the whole "living a lie" idea. The thing is, you're living a lie right now because you feel you can't be your authentic self. Transitioning means you get to be honest with yourself and yeah, if you so choose, you can tell other people. But that is your choice and the thing is, you don't owe anyone anything.  You don't OWE anyone an explanation. And there is nothing wrong with living stealth, if that is what you choose to do. Also, starting HRT doesn't necessarily mean you would have to tell anyone right away. Testosterone works slowly. For me, I'm two months on T and the people I haven't come out to haven't seemed to notice anything (even my voice dropping). People are usually pretty self-absorbed and don't notice as much as we think.

[mac1]

Being FTM gives you a real advantage. You can dress as masculine as desired without anybody questioning you as to what you are. You can even use either public restroom (in male dress) without experiencing rejection.

Just dress as masculine as you feel comfortable and see how it goes for you.

[Alice Rogers]

So if I get a name change, there is no way to find out (without me saying owt)?

There are always ways for it to come out, but you can minimise the risks in advance by talking to your tutors and the admin people.