My family don't want anything to do with me and its killing me

[kira21 ♡♡♡]

Hi people.

I don't even know why I am saying this as there is nothing that anyone here can do about it, but when my parents found out that I was transitioning, they cut me off. My brother did too.

I have two sisters. One was initially OK about it, but the other wasn't. Despite the fact that I had gone through hell helping her through her two year hospital ordeal, driving a 6 hour round trip to be with her several times a week, sitting reading to her, buying her things like new glasses, a laptop to watch films on etc. and doing everything I could for her, she barely talks to me now. I told her I was going in for surgery, she didn't even answer the message. I said I was afraid of being alone post op and no answer.

Probably because of how the rest of the family are treating me, my other sister has become more distant.

It gets to me. I try and tell myself not to care, but I do. Its been over a year since they all found out and things have got worse rather than better. I would say in another 6-12 months I wont hear from any of them anymore.

I think its a cruel twist that with the emotional changes of the hormones, I feel like I really want to be a lot closer to them, its become more important to me.

I know there is nothing that I can do about it. I am looking to the future and going in for surgery alone in January, after spending christmas completely alone and its weighing on me emotionally quite heavily at the moment.  January is going to be a really hard month. really hard.

I am sorry to dump all that out here on the forums.

Meh :-/

[Mariah]

Even though we can't change what is happening it is good to let it out. You will be better off for it. No matter how much we say we don't care about how family treat us as a result of our transitioning, we do care and as a result it hurts. I can only hope in time some will come around especially those who initially were ok with it for you. Hugs and take care.
Mariah

Hi people.

I don't even know why I am saying this as there is nothing that anyone here can do about it, but when my parents found out that I was transitioning, they cut me off. My brother did too.

I have two sisters. One was initially OK about it, but the other wasn't. Despite the fact that I had gone through hell helping her through her two year hospital ordeal, driving a 6 hour round trip to be with her several times a week, sitting reading to her, buying her things like new glasses, a laptop to watch films on etc. and doing everything I could for her, she barely talks to me now. I told her I was going in for surgery, she didn't even answer the message. I said I was afraid of being alone post op and no answer.

Probably because of how the rest of the family are treating me, my other sister has become more distant.

It gets to me. I try and tell myself not to care, but I do. Its been over a year since they all found out and things have got worse rather than better. I would say in another 6-12 months I wont hear from any of them anymore.

I think its a cruel twist that with the emotional changes of the hormones, I feel like I really want to be a lot closer to them, its become more important to me.

I know there is nothing that I can do about it. I am looking to the future and going in for surgery alone in January, after spending christmas completely alone and its weighing on me emotionally quite heavily at the moment.  January is going to be a really hard month. really hard.

I am sorry to dump all that out here on the forums.

Meh :-/

[mrs izzy]

Sad part 90% of the time it's all due to the people around them making them distance.

Ignorance and the "jones" is the thing that drives families apart.

It's truly sad.

Hugs

[Athena]

Hugs

[suzifrommd]

Hugs Kira. That's all I can offer.

The real tragedy here is that they have a wonderful daughter/sister whom they're missing out on. Someday they might realize how much they cheated themselves out of.

[FrancisAnn]

I know the pain, it's a long story. However I have a woman friend I've known since first grade. She has very little family. We agreed to become sisters for life a while back. We are both serious about it & we both feel better to have more family.  Just a thought GF. Hang in there. Society is just not ready for people changing their genders. It's tough for us but we must accept it & keep going forward.

[Pikachu]

*hugs you tightly*

[Ms Grace]

Hugs. My mother is reasonably accepting, my sister is getting there but doesn't want her daughter to know about me. My father won't acknowledge me. I've been there for them so it hurts to have them so standoffish.

[stephaniec]

sorry to here this,  but like others I know the feeling all too well

[Shantel]

Kira, I'm sad for you honey! It never ceases to amaze me at the conditions family puts on us for their love and acceptance. Sorry it's happening to you of all people, you are such a darling friend to me. I wonder if the BF is still around or did you kick him to the curb? Surely there is someone who can spend some time with you dear. I know you live in UK, but isn't there a transgender support group anywhere nearby where you might develop some friendships among kindred souls? Don't be afraid to pm or email me sweetie, I'll be thinking of you. xox ~Shan~

[BreezyB]

Just want to give you a big squeeze right now Kira 

It's best to talk about these things, the least we might be able to do is let you know your not alone. You have family here always. And christmas, jump on a plane and come to Australia, you can spend Christmas with me 

I'm fortunate in a weird sorta way, I don't have much family, a brother but parents are gone. I was lucky with my brother, he is ok. But as soon as I told my partner I was trans she took off. If we put ourselves in their shoes, it is difficult to get your head around, I mean I've had 36 years to get use to the idea, I expected her to get use to it in a few weeks.

Stay positive Kira, they may come around. If not, you know what, you'll still be ok. You'll meet lots of kind and wonderful people in life who would just love to know you.

Hugs,
Bree

[LordKAT]

The only things you can do about it are, work on being happy with yourself and being successful in whatever you do so that you know that it is their loss and not your loss so much.

Sharing how you feel can be a good thing, it is a part of why we are here, to share both the good and the bad that transition experiences are.

[Eva Marie]

That's a tough situation Kira but you are not alone in this. My parents after seeming to be accepting are now throwing the bible at me with all of the usual verses - I could point out where they are misunderstanding what they have read but they'll just reject anything I'll say so I don't really see the point of getting into that debate with them.

Like LordKAT said - now is a good time to work on learning how to be happy even if you are by yourself, and also try to stay busy (which is what i'm doing - i'm going back to college and that's keeping me very busy).

This journey takes incredible courage and it's not an easy one. Find and tap into that inner strength that I know you have to pull yourself through, and be kind to yourself too during this stressful time. My thoughts are with you.

[Missy~rmdlm]

I've mentioned the costs of transition are high. Hopefully you can get this under control, because the costs keep coming.

[alena]

Sorry to hear about this Kira. I haven't reached the stage of telling my family yet, but I am prepared for the worst. We're all here to support each other on the forum, hugz x

[LordKAT]

That homesick feeling of losing your past is normal, for us it is bittersweet. We gain more Independence but lose those that made home, really home. I think the way to pass that is to make your own home, your own place in the world. When you do that, somehow the world makes a place for you.

[ImagineKate]

*hugs Kira*

I want to cry too because I know what you're going through, although my family alienated me not because of being trans (since they don't know yet) but due to other things.

All you can do is give them time I guess.

[kira21 ♡♡♡]

Thank you everyone.  I really appreciate your responses and I will give e them each some thought.

[Julia-Madrid]

Dear Kira

You are strong and on your way to becoming a magnificent woman.  That should be your goal; it will allow you to conquer the world.

Many hugs, sister. 

Julia

[Jess42]

Hi people.

1. I don't even know why I am saying this as there is nothing that anyone here can do about it, but when my parents found out that I was transitioning, they cut me off. My brother did too.

I have two sisters. One was initially OK about it, but the other wasn't. Despite the fact that I had gone through hell helping her through her two year hospital ordeal, driving a 6 hour round trip to be with her several times a week, sitting reading to her, buying her things like new glasses, a laptop to watch films on etc. and doing everything I could for her, she barely talks to me now. I told her I was going in for surgery, she didn't even answer the message. I said I was afraid of being alone post op and no answer.

Probably because of how the rest of the family are treating me, my other sister has become more distant.

It gets to me. I try and tell myself not to care, but I do. Its been over a year since they all found out and things have got worse rather than better. I would say in another 6-12 months I wont hear from any of them anymore.

I think its a cruel twist that with the emotional changes of the hormones, I feel like I really want to be a lot closer to them, its become more important to me.

I know there is nothing that I can do about it. I am looking to the future and going in for surgery alone in January, after spending christmas completely alone and its weighing on me emotionally quite heavily at the moment.  January is going to be a really hard month. really hard.

2. I am sorry to dump all that out here on the forums.

Meh :-/

OK 1: Your hurting. You can hurt and you can expect love and support just like everyone else here. It sux, sometime family sux. Their loss hon. Family isn't about genetics but unconditional love and support. People that really care, that love you unconditionally and share the same backgrounds.

I know you care and it really hurts but no matter how much good you do, people will only see you for what they perceive is bad to them. What you did for your sister, good for you and that speaks volumes about you and how good of a person you are, Now how you are treated speaks volumes about her and the rest of your family too. Sorry to be so blunt but it is really messed up how you are treated now.

2: Ain't that what we are all here for? If we can't lean on each other, who can we lean on? If we don't have each other, who else do we have? If we can't cry on each other's shoulders, who else's can we cry on. Dump it out all you want. Cry all you want. I have a proverbial shoulder you can cry on anytime you need to.