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What's your favorite two line joke?

Started by MrKarl35, October 09, 2014, 05:37:34 PM

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MrKarl35

October 09, 2014, 05:37:34 PM
 What's your favorite two liner? Mine is....  Why didn't the lifeguard save the hippie? Because he was too far out man!
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Devlyn

#1
October 09, 2014, 06:11:54 PM
What do you call a blind deer?

No eye deer!
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NatalieInProgress

#2
October 09, 2014, 06:23:59 PM
What did cannibals eat before the discovery of fire?
Raw-men

If we consistently fail to celebrate our successes, others will certainly celebrate our failure.
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Jill F

#3
October 09, 2014, 06:30:45 PM
How many surrealists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Fish.
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immortal gypsy

#4
October 09, 2014, 06:33:27 PM
Do I have to pick just one.....

Two men walked into a bar

The other guy ducked
Do not fear those who have nothing left to lose, fear those who are prepared to lose it all

Si vis bellum, parra pacem
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Edge

#5
October 09, 2014, 06:54:38 PM
What do you get if you cross a cow and an octopus?
I strong rebuke from the ethics committee and an immediate cessation of funding.

Dr. Frankenstein entered a body building competition and realized that he gravely mistook the objective.
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ElDudette

#6
October 09, 2014, 10:09:32 PM
A horse walks into a German bar and asks for a drink.

The bar tender turns around, sees the horse and shouts "MEIN GOT! A talking horse!"
"Sometimes you eat the bear, and sometimes, well, he eats you." --The Stranger, The Big Lebowski

"Does the caterpillars dream of one day taking to the sky on gossamer wings?
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Jill F

#7
October 09, 2014, 10:12:17 PM
How many transsexuals does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but they have to sit in the dark for a long time before they realize it needed changed.
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immortal gypsy

#8
October 09, 2014, 10:21:51 PM
A horse walks into a bar

The bartender asks why the long face
Do not fear those who have nothing left to lose, fear those who are prepared to lose it all

Si vis bellum, parra pacem
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LordKAT

#9
October 09, 2014, 11:35:05 PM
A horse walks into a bar.


Someone forgot to adjust the blinders.
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immortal gypsy

#10
October 10, 2014, 04:00:47 AM
Why do Bees hum?

Because they don't know the words

(told you all I couldn't pick just one)
Do not fear those who have nothing left to lose, fear those who are prepared to lose it all

Si vis bellum, parra pacem
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Dee Marshall

#11
October 10, 2014, 10:23:27 AM
Wanna hear a knock-knock joke?
You start.
April 22, 2015, the day of my first face to face pass in gender neutral clothes and no makeup. It may be months to the next one, but I'm good with that!

Being transgender is just a phase. It hardly ever starts before conception and always ends promptly at death.

They say the light at the end of the tunnel is an oncoming train. I say, climb aboard!
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Sephirah

#12
October 10, 2014, 12:53:24 PM
What's brown and sticky?

A stick.
Natura nihil frustra facit.

"You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection." ~ Buddha.

If you're dealing with self esteem issues, maybe click here. There may be something you find useful. :)
Above all... remember: you are beautiful, you are valuable, and you have a shining spark of magnificence within you. Don't let anyone take that from you. Embrace who you are. <3
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m1anderson

#13
October 10, 2014, 01:03:13 PM
So I walk into my Therapist and say...."sometimes I feel like a wigwam and sometimes I feel like a teepee..."
And she says.... "don't worry about it sweety, you're two tense (tents)!"

and...

Whats green, and jumps from bed to bed?
A Prosti-toad!
Audaces Fortuna Luvat ... Fortune Favors the Bold  ;D
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Monkeymel

#14
October 10, 2014, 01:58:09 PM
What's the definition of a drawing pin?
An excited smartie

(US version / an excited M&M)

What do you call a deer with no eyes
No eyed dear

What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs
Still no eyed deer

What do you call a red deer with no eyes and no legs
Still no bloody eyed deer

(Eyed deer = idea)

Mary had a little lamb
She stuck it on a pylon
Ten thousand volts went up its bum
And turned its wall to nylon

Mary had a letter bomb
It blew up mortar fashion
The note quite clearly read
Lambs against repression
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TerriT

#15
October 10, 2014, 02:44:13 PM
Quote from: Jill F on October 09, 2014, 10:12:17 PM
How many transsexuals does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but they have to sit in the dark for a long time before they realize it needed changed.

How many transsexuals does it take to change a light bulb?
Two, one to change it and one to take a picture.
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