What's your favorite two liner? Mine is....  Why didn't the lifeguard save the hippie? Because he was too far out man!

What do you call a blind deer?

No eye deer!

What did cannibals eat before the discovery of fire?
Raw-men

How many surrealists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Fish.

Do I have to pick just one.....

Two men walked into a bar

The other guy ducked

What do you get if you cross a cow and an octopus?
I strong rebuke from the ethics committee and an immediate cessation of funding.

Dr. Frankenstein entered a body building competition and realized that he gravely mistook the objective.

A horse walks into a German bar and asks for a drink.

The bar tender turns around, sees the horse and shouts "MEIN GOT! A talking horse!"

How many transsexuals does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but they have to sit in the dark for a long time before they realize it needed changed.

A horse walks into a bar

The bartender asks why the long face

A horse walks into a bar.


Someone forgot to adjust the blinders.

Why do Bees hum?

Because they don't know the words

(told you all I couldn't pick just one)

Wanna hear a knock-knock joke?
You start.

What's brown and sticky?

A stick.

So I walk into my Therapist and say...."sometimes I feel like a wigwam and sometimes I feel like a teepee..."
And she says.... "don't worry about it sweety, you're two tense (tents)!"

and...

Whats green, and jumps from bed to bed?
A Prosti-toad!

What's the definition of a drawing pin?
An excited smartie

(US version / an excited M&M)

What do you call a deer with no eyes
No eyed dear

What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs
Still no eyed deer

What do you call a red deer with no eyes and no legs
Still no bloody eyed deer

(Eyed deer = idea)

Mary had a little lamb
She stuck it on a pylon
Ten thousand volts went up its bum
And turned its wall to nylon

Mary had a letter bomb
It blew up mortar fashion
The note quite clearly read
Lambs against repression

Quote from: Jill F on October 09, 2014, 10:12:17 PM
How many transsexuals does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but they have to sit in the dark for a long time before they realize it needed changed.

How many transsexuals does it take to change a light bulb?
Two, one to change it and one to take a picture.