Dealing with impatient and desperate emotions.. ?

[Damara]

Anyone have any ideas how to do this? I'm 23 and I won't be able to start hrt for probably over a year, and knowing this is probably one of my main source of distress. There was a time around when I was 18-19 that I was having an extremely strong bout of dysphoria.. but due to familial issues and  other limitations related to my lack of independence.. I guess I suppressed things and sort of stopped any talk of transitioning because I was "content." Now that I've finally came to terms with my gender identity I am feeling so foolish and awful due to the poisoning of testosterone on my body over the past 4 years.. I lament the hips I'll probably never have, as my boxiness is where a large portion of my dysphoric feelings come from.. anyway.. how does one deal with knowing this process should start NOW, while also being aware that it can't? Maybe I'm just being overly dramatic, I just had to vent. <3

[LordKAT]

I wouldn't call what you feel dramatic. To you, it is very real and distressing. Why do you feel you have to wait a year?

[Damara]

I wouldn't call what you feel dramatic. To you, it is very real and distressing. Why do you feel you have to wait a year?

Thank you for the validation! <3

Well, I live in a very rural town far away from any resources needed for transition. Accepting doctors, therapists, etc. I'm planning on moving to Indiana to live with a close friend and begin my transition officially once I'm there. I recently got a job, which is nothing short of a miracle given the discriminatory nature of most local businesses, and I'm going to be saving money as much as possible. Currently I'm living with my grandma, sister, niece, and my parents live next door. These things present their own challenges and add other complications to my moving process.. I'll explain those later, they mostly involve guilt and my own emotional responses.. anyway that's the short of it.

[Andreja Silvija]

I totally get where you are coming from. I really was ready to transition when I was 18, but due to financial reasons and depression I couldn't at the time. My dad wouldn't let me see a therapist for depression, I couldn't imagine telling him I wanted to see one for transgender feelings. Now that I am independent and financially able to transition at age 20, what is killing me is the wait for appointments. I started seeing my therapist on the 11th of September and will finally see an endocrinologist on the 29th this month. I'll probably have to wait w more weeks afterwards before I get my prescriptions. I've been ready for the last 3 years, why do I need to wait so long... ugh. I've been pretty stressed out lately as the 29th is still far away.

[Damara]

I totally get where you are coming from. I really was ready to transition when I was 18, but due to financial reasons and depression I couldn't at the time. My dad wouldn't let me see a therapist for depression, I couldn't imagine telling him I wanted to see one for transgender feelings. Now that I am independent and financially able to transition at age 20, what is killing me is the wait for appointments. I started seeing my therapist on the 11th of September and will finally see an endocrinologist on the 29th this month. I'll probably have to wait w more weeks afterwards before I get my prescriptions. I've been ready for the last 3 years, why do I need to wait so long... ugh. I've been pretty stressed out lately as the 29th is still far away.

Aww! But it will be here!!! So glad for you! Yes, it's like gahhh... Haha! These things are so definitive for me now, I wish I could be a heartless woman and abandon my family and get the show on the road! Honestly a lot of my issues are familial.. Feeling that if I leave I'll be hurting my grandmother (who's in failing health) and also my 4-year-old niece whom I've been raising a lot since she as born. I should just tell them all so they can feel angry enough at me to help ease my conscience about leaving. . .

[LordKAT]

There may be a few things you can do in the mean time.  Therapists take time an money, but so does a wardrobe, beard removal,  etc. It may be possible for you to get HRT by informed consent. If you do, please do be informed first. Starting on any one of these could help you feel like you are making progress instead of stuck in place.

[Damara]

There may be a few things you can do in the mean time.  Therapists take time an money, but so does a wardrobe, beard removal,  etc. It may be possible for you to get HRT by informed consent. If you do, please do be informed first. Starting on any one of these could help you feel like you are making progress instead of stuck in place.

Thank you for the advice! I've considered this all. If I had a vehicle and could drive myself to the far off places to get some things done, I would.. The nearest locations for anything related to the above would be around two to three hours away, and I get lost easily... lol! Perhaps a friend could take me..    I was thinking about an online therapist, as I've read good reviews about some of them from members here. . . I've slowly been building my wardrobe, preparing for a RLE day in the coming weeks! Oh dear, I'm tired. and all of that was harder to type than it should have been. Haha!

[LordKAT]

Sounds like you have a good start then. Nothing wrong with a slow but steady start.

I, too, have heard good things about some online therapists. It would be worth looking into.

[BreezyB]

I read another post about online therapy. I wonder if this could be an option for you? I mean, there must be loads of people living in rural settings and so online would be the next best thing to face to face. But certainly there is a lot you could get started with. Hair removal is an important one and might be available in the local town. I think it's also a good idea to start learning as much as you can about the journey your about to embark on. After all, transition doesn't have to start by popping the first pill of hrt. Lots of people transition without hrt, and I'm not saying that is what you could do as you've clearly made a decision to begin hrt. But t shows that transition is about much more than just hormones.

Hugs,
Bree