Mother insisting and forcing me to see a psychiatrist and be evaluated still

[Annabellekay]

so I reported my previous counselor for not dealing with my obvious transgender issues as many people insisted and suggested I do so. I guess the lady called my mom and told her what had happened or something and now my mom is mad at me saying I need a psychiatrist and medication, that never in her life of having me for 19 years has she heard of anything and that I'm obsessed or OCD because I have a skylanders toys and my little ponies and she is insisted that's mental illness because I like the show and have things from it.  She thinks ever since I read some article about some DMV trans person getting their liscense picture I now think I'm transgender which isn't true, I just brought up the article to her one day. I have known about my gender issues and femininity for the longest time since high school, even before that when I played with dolls as a child and loved sailor moon, bratz dolls. Whenever I would go to my friends house I would be with his sisters putting in dresses and make up and stuff, I was never with the friend. But somehow I'm making all this up. Somehow I'm making up how I shaved my legs when I was little because I obviously didn't like the body hair but no, she yelled and berated me to never shave my legs again. If anything it's always been her suppressing this or diverting it to my supposed adhd, which I quite honestly don't believe I have, I more than strongly believe it was a misdiagnosis if they knew what I was going through at 8 years old in 4th grade; I asked the class to call me Stacy and they all laughed and mocked me, my brother included. Since then I was diagnosed as adhd and put in adderall until i was a freshman , then I started to explore gender and style and make up even, just fun things but my mom hated it but had no control of it. I loved Jeffree star and emo bands, just generally fxcked with clothes, wore skinny jeans and scoop neck shirts, even mascara and eyeliner sometimes. But somehow I'm mentally ill and making up all this. I'll be 20 in November if that means anything but to her I'm still a child with zero choice. She is oblivious to my transgender needs and keeps scapegoating it through mental illness. It's not like I have anger and depression about my trans issues because I'm dreaming out for help but she just sees the anger and fits as mental illness or adhd, that I have anger issues and not trans issues. She says it's okay to support LGBT but not to mention gay or bi or transgender and she reminds me time to time again that I'm neither of them, as I once questioned my sexuality to be bi; however a year later making out with a guy it was the worst thing ever, girls are just so much different and better that's all I can say really without being graphic but yeah I mean. Like. She still holds onto some belief that I think I'm bi or gay when I know I entirely I am not, and in fact I know who a I am, a girl. A woman. Transgender is ultimately a label but she fights the term transgender when in reality I'm just a girl. Female. I don't know what to do anymore and I'm done with her games. My first counselor ever urged my mom to take me to a LGBT clinic specific for trans youth. I came out to him and he was so supportive. She then took me out of his counseling immediately after coming out to her, put me in with this new lady who was trying to diagnose me as bipolar for collecting the toys and the shows.  Then she was trying to question my atheistic secular views, I mean that just REAKS of conversion and reparative style stuff.  I'm at a loss here. Any suggestions?

[stephaniec]

your legally an adult

[Annabellekay]

I'm legally an adult but that's not stopping her from taking total control from me like the malignant narcissist she is. She's the one who needs to see a psychiatrist because she has deeper problems than me with her transphobia, lesbian-phobia, wishful thinking and religious delusions of sorts. My grandpa and stepfather both admit she she has issues and she's probably bipolar but nobody can say anything or else you'll get the stick you know. Everything is then your fault and you're the one who is sick; not her. She suffers severely from martyrdom whether she knows it or not or wants to know.  Once again dare you say anything about this and she will bite you head off and chew you like no tomorrow. This is what I have to deal with plus a conservative republic reactionary father who tries to change everything about me, from trying to get me to read the bill oreily family parenting book to playing baseball that I hate (hate sports all together) and how he always tried to minimize how many stuffed animals I have and how many toys I had in my room, I had guitars and drums but was never really allowed to play them as he always complained so it works both withs way my parents and my brother acts as a bully sometimes which doesn't help the issues

[Hideyoshi]

Since you're an adult, you can do informed consent and do whatever you want in relation to HRT. I'm assuming you feel so threatened by them because you still live with them?

[Annabellekay]

I feel threatened ny the fact that my mother twists and turns the stories and she is so oblivious to the real issue and instead she is trying to diagnose me and figure out what is wrong with me, how to "fix him". Make him stop with this nonsense in other words; is her goal. Every time I go somewhere where she wants me to go to and has talked to the person beforehand, usually things get twisted. The first counselor I saw was the best in regarding the support I got. Everyone else seems to be talking me out, diagnosing, or pussyfooting the issue. And even if I wanted to go see a doctor myself I have no way of getting there really unless train or something and yeah it's just not feasible compared to a car but I don't have that either, nor would she ever drive me not like I expected her to really.

[Sosophia]

 i have a mother about like this except i didnt see it much until after some time at my psychologist , i still live at home so its still difficult ,as for "transition", i tryed ignoring her bias or tryed to talk of what it is for me and my feelings but after 5 year she still doesnt get it , but my mother got mentall illness too , i had hopes before that she would understand but not long ago lost that hope , for the doctors they dont need her words , its my doctors for my life and my issues ,not hers , and my issues involve my mother at times , its not for nothing there is a close of privacy and non disclosure with doctor in their "moral code" (i dont remember the exact name of it )

[Annabellekay]

Ironically  sosophia, I never signed any contract or privacy thing with the last counselor I saw. I fear a bit about this psychiatrist because she tends to spin things and bit and make things all about her. If it's not about her then too bad for you basically. I beloved a lot of her transphobia and outright childish behavior stems from my grandparents spoiling me and my brother more so than her growing up, she manicslly ran off to Germany at 18 and yeah you know; lived as a rollingstone I guess and yeah. Not what I wanna do. Shee always says too, "oh these kids are nothing like me!! I would be out of here traveling having a good time, bla bla bla" and then she's like"but no my kids are lazy freeloaders! Bla bla bla!" It's like a crow that keeps on crowing.  And she wonders why I have anger issues. I'm fine with everyone else but her and my immediate family. I'm generally very quiet and don't bother her but somehow I stress her out soooooo much, because there's no managing stress oh no, it's me and I need to stop and I need to do this and that! Blame blame blame blame!

[Jane's Sweet Refrain]

My heart really goes out to you. And I really worry that you might think that the practical advice others are giving your means that we don't care. We do. What a tough situation, and starting out on your own is very difficult. And gender dysphoria is very pressing. I'm sorry that there is no immediate solution to your problem. Getting out of this situation and on your own is going to take time. And courage to step out from under parents whose care comes at a steep price. It often does. But moving out, finding employment, and understanding roommates, depending on where you move, have got to be your goals. Trying to persuade conservative parents who don't want to believe you are dysphoric is going to take years. And may never happen. But the more you take steps toward achieving the goals yourself, the happier you will be in every conceivable way.

Please keep up hope knowing that life will get better, just not this second.

[Lady_Oracle]

Hate to say this but it seems like disconnecting from her completely is the best option because the early stages of transition is really tough on the mental state and having a parent like that is just gonna make things even more difficult and overwhelming. Move out asap! (assuming you live at home)

People like your parents are the most stubborn to change and usually only come around if they ever do that is, until they're faced with the actual reality of your situation, like you've been living as your true self(full time) etc. If by that stage they still can't accept you then you have to move on with your life.

My father is pretty traditional and its taken him sometime to understand trans issues/my transition but eventually he understood and came around. A lot of it has to do with the fact that I started transition while living with my parents without them knowing so by the time I came out to them I was fully confident that transition was my only option for a happy life. It was really tough living a double life but I had to do it for my own peace of mind and to know for sure that this was what I needed to do (I was still in the questioning phase, despite all the obvious signs) So that might be something you could do but like I said it's extremely tough.

[Annabellekay]

I would love to move out but she makes it sound like i can't or they I'm mentally ncompetent to do so or do anything for that matter due to the life long criticism and crowing, the hovering.  I recently got an iPad and I know it sounds extremely stupid but since I got it I've been so extremely excited to go to and start college, I feel more than ever to take on school snd get some college credits or something that would benefit me in the future. My family alway say to go to college and now I really want to. It's a smaller community college but it's cheap and my grandparents were willing to pay. I'm curious if moving out won't work, if college and an educstion could be the key and road to freedom. This is a radical idea even to myself, as I hate school. I'll be honest with all of you I have the most radical idea of school to reinvent it and I hate the system. I was relentlessly bullied and been through tons of crap. But with the iPad, I seriously and probably stupidly for the better changed my view.  I now see college personally as a road to freedom, where I think I would get more support from there, with the LGBT club and maybe the school counselors from time to time. But given that I am almost less than a month from being 20, I'm an adult and I think I'll pave my own way; regardless of them. Quite literally cutting off contact with them emotionally wouldn't be too hard and I don't say that as a hard ass. with what I've been going through it would be a blessing. Moving out would be too. But I'm not sure if that's quite as realistic. Does anyone agree that college could be my way out or just a way to get some time away from the parents, get out of the house a little, who knows maybe make a group of friends who share similar views of mine. Power in numbers yes?

[Sosophia]

i didnt sign anything either its supposed to be part of their ethic they swear on when they do theyr study , i do not know if its the same for a counselor , as for dealing with my mother my psychologist helped me understand to cope and manage my relationships with her and healing some stuff of my past , i m not gonna advice to move on because i do not (welll i m going to but its my parents divorcing and i m going to go to my fathers place so i still dont work and not my own place ),it became for me tov live with defenses in my mind when i m around her wich is exhausting at times.

[Lady_Oracle]

Does anyone agree that college could be my way out or just a way to get some time away from the parents, get out of the house a little, who knows maybe make a group of friends who share similar views of mine. Power in numbers yes?

YES! I do, college will help you a ton, especially since they have lgbt chapters and you can get the support and help you need. Having a solid support system is crucial to a successful and happy transition. I actually started transition at 20 while in college but my situation was a bit different than yours, I was going to school online primarily. I didn't start hrt till a few months before my 22nd birthday.

[Annabellekay]

@lady Oracle, I was thinking maybe of doing a few years or maybe a bachelors for philosophy and political science, writing and maybe something science based,  history orientated. It would be nice to then transfer to some university or campus nothing too fancy; just a dorm maybe.  But I also have to remember medical stuff for transition too because it's not cheap either. But still. I strongly feel college is probably the only easy way go transition. And pew polls just prove that idea really, the success rates of college grads are just stunning to the results of non-higher education millennials. It's almost any brainer and if I had the iPad sooner I think this emiphany would of happened sooner. Regardless though. The thought of independence is enticing.

[Lady_Oracle]

I say follow whatever your passion is and if you don't have that figured out yet then go with what you feel is right! Sounds like you have a good idea as to what you want to do. I'm excited for you, looking forward to your updates! If you ever need someone to talk to I'm here, just shoot me a pm!

The IT industry is one of the best industries to get into since many IT companies provide health insurance for us trans folks and are usually pretty progressive, just a thought.

[Annabellekay]

Thanks for the advice on the IT. It's sort of funny cause I can be pretty techy and stuff; I know a few things about hacking lol...  Any health benefits I can get would be nice, I hear obama care should be covering transgender stuff in the future so I'm excited to see that happen.

[Annabellekay]

So today she said on Tuesday I am going to this psychiatrist person. I feel like my general well being might be at risk and that they might trey to diagnose me as something else rather than transgender, I feel like basically it will be treated as 'who cares' basically. Any suggestions or advice? I'm legally an adult however it seems I have zero rights as to who I can be, who I am, and that I have no conscious or ego, intellect or freedom of thought. I have been denied any rights to have any emotions including anger.  However I am clearly displaying distress from this appointment, a sign of which this psychiatrist wouldn't be helpful and could possibly just add to my anger, depression, anxiety and T feelings.

[LordKAT]

Share your opinion of not being treated as an adult. You may just find an ally.

[stephaniec]

Share your opinion of not being treated as an adult. You may just find an ally.

absolutely

[Annabellekay]

ive told my mom that specifically and everything out of her mouth is "no you're not, you're not an adult when you throw a tantrum because somebody tells you the truth and you don't like it!" ( this was during an argument we had a month ago). So I feel if I was to show any authority or self advocacy with this psychiatrist that It would be dismissed and discredited. To people I am just an 85 pound 5'2 developmentally delayed born premature retard who is still 3, after all 3 year olds study robotics; philosophy, political science and political engineering, social engineering, world systems thinking, a college level vocabulary, logical and rational thinking, and the fact that I don't believe in some man in the sky who rules my life;  that I purely and strictly believe in the science. But nah I'm 3 and totally mentally il, ocd, bipolar, and God knows what else. It's become a pissing contest to diagnose instead of help with the direct dis-ease.

[stephaniec]

maybe you just need to get a job, get an apartment and move on