When I were younger, beginning age 7 to age 20, I wanted to be some great famous artist.
Just to have a powerful influence upon people in aims of the greater good.
Manifest great sums of money in order to first supply my immediate family, past and present communities and eventually the WORLD! (aha)
Maturing enough, walking the streets homeless in different towns and cities.. Processing past experiences and current. My goals have completely changed, for the better.. The content.
Desperately clinging to continue my transition, and also "following my heart".. Has proven to be the greatest growing point currently in my life. Yes, there are times I become jaded and spew out jibberish that I will become a musician/dancer/model.. yada yada.. Almost instantly I snap back and know it is not what I truly want... Singing along is fun (by myself).. Danicing is healing.. Can dance all day & night (by myself).. Model.. Life is beauty.. Not my narrow human standard.. Taking pics/Advertising.. and for what?
So grateful, to have come this far and realize.. Life is.. Wow.. Not the mainstream, limelight or fast lanes.. Well, for me! Aww, the joy gently nourishes my being... (Maybe it is the Coldplay I am listening to)..
Becoming an old lady ya'll! & loving it.. Also need to embrace my nerdiness.. So long neglected..
But back to it! Look alive!.. So being unemployed for almost a complete year in November, entering and leaving two different schools, being on Food Stamps and Cash Assistance.. This experience.. You never know what life has planned, but you know.. Ugh, so over trying to describe the day to night, night to day experiences.. But a gal has surely grown! She just calls to be a cave dweller aka Loner..
Being in and out of different Homeless Shelters.. Has reflected myself and kept me strong that all the crazy and meaningful moments has helped me establish a foundation of self.. Being: Caring, Timidly Kind, HyperSensitive, Transgender Identity, Respect, ugh.. Just that thing... That thing, we call life..
So making one more enlightening stop, making NYC my home.. Leaving California to endure a New York City winter. The metaphysics, omens and sychronicites I go through.. Time of my life.. May be difficult, but when you respect NYC and the people as I do.. Mhmm.. Reason why HOT 97 said NY can change your men-tal.. Use syllables when saying that.. Sounds cute..
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But yeah, simple life! Job where I would spend my money on local markets and Mom&Popz stores.. Rent.. School where I can meet others, expand the logical side of myself.. The culture comes with experiencing the WHOLE city... surrounding areas.. Yea..
Then when the appropriate time comes.. Not being set on a blind date, or being introduced to someone or whatever .. Finally a sweet relationship.. I have no idea of how it will totally be.. I just know, WE would know.. No external influences would intervene.. He would not know me or him.. The simple.. Hit it off.. Not tall, dark and handsome.. Not a "ideal" figure or attitude.. Just him.. Maybe a love handle, horrible or no haircut.. Full acceptance of Fenix.. Whether her energectics are slightly masculine or completely feminine.. He would respect the process and growth.. [[I know.. MAking a list or what?]] [[Really not so percise as it seems]] [[Opposites do attract, but respect is a bridge]] Meh.. Life works.. With the wonder being can experience and omens.. Time.. Yes... Very "thirsty" but so not desperate.. Just anxious moments of finally feeling the moment.. He is not like me or like you.. You know, how you can see so many men, and every 4 months or so.. You pick up an energy that steals you.. Past appearences, communication and expectations.. He does not try.. Especially not trying to be "wierd" or "different".. Meh.. Enough! Was sooo hung up on that.. Being virgin.. or as I clown myself on #VirginTendecies.. I believe I have to master self more, I know what I want but I must match. Equals.. God has my back!
Simple life! Yay.. Transititon.. Privacy.. Job.. School.. Place.. Spiritual Intel.. Offer Services/Spiritual/Volunteer.. Boyfriend.. Grow Old.. Heaven
Simple Life!!!
