Hi everyone,
I am Nathan (though when I transition I hope to be calls Hailey), and I am a mtf transgendered human being living in the UK. For the past year I have had intense feelings about my gender identity and have been very distressed at my male body, resulting in me feeling quite depressed and anxious about myself. During this period I have been contemplating suicide and have had a few 'near-attempts' (as in stopped just before the attempt for reasons such as a phone call from my mum). Throughout my childhood I felt very androgynous and was happy to mix with everyone as I didn't see difference between gender but bullying and peer pressure led to me being pushed into a masculine person. It was only during puberty that I wanted to transition as I began to detest certain male features such as increased body hair (that I wasn't able to shave in fear of teasing and harassment), increased penis and testes size, an increase in erections, and increased muscle mass in certain places. I saw the changes that took place to female bodies and had a great desire for that to happen to me. I also began to crossdress and felt more comfortable in typically female clothes than I had in male clothes.
Yesterday, I came out to my Mum, and after asking a few questions, she was supportive of me and she will talk to my dad about it next week. Hopefully, I can get an appointment with my GP in the next few weeks to discuss this and be referred to a GIC. I would like to transition as soon as possible (though at NHS speed that won't be possible anyway), but as I play rugby and I am heavily involved in both coaching and refereeing at my local club as well as being an ambassador for the RFU, transitioning could compromise this. The only thing I could think of was to 'go stealth' and begin HRT during my last year of school and rugby at my local club as after that I will be going to university, however, I understand that some changes can be painful and could cause problems in a contact sport (though I think I have an excuse to get around that) but I understand the concept of YMMV which could mess up my coaching, refereeing and ambassador work.
So that's my introduction and a bit of a 'what do' at the end.
