Finding a non trans girlfriend

[desperateforchange]

So I had a hard enough time finding a girlfriend as it was.  I am trying to get back on hormones (MTF) and am still attracted to only females. How do you find someone who will be accepting of you? 

[Jessica Merriman]

Quit looking and just be you. The right person will see your qualities and show interest. 

[mrs izzy]

And as I am a huge advocate do not overlook the community.

Who else knows us more then those in the community.

My public service announcement.

[Beth Andrea]

Craigslist.

Worked for me.

[desperateforchange]

That would scare me!!

Craigslist.

Worked for me.

[Jessica Merriman]

I kind of hate to put you on the spot, but aren't transgirls female? 

[Edge]

A non-binary person I know, met her genderfluid partner at school.
I met my cis, bi boyfriend at an anime convention/through a friend.
In other words, the usual way one meets people. Depending on where you are and where you hang out, there are a lot of people out there who are fine with dating trans people.

[desperateforchange]

Yes ma'am, I so want to be a girl. I want to be surrounded by them, and I want to find the love of my life. I have no desire for guys. I know it's weird )-=

I kind of hate to put you on the spot, but aren't transgirls female? 

[Beth Andrea]

That would scare me!!

Hey, you have to kiss a lot of toads to find your Prince(ss).

That said, I advertised myself for a year/year-and-half, with the average time the ad stayed up being about 30 minutes before being "flagged." Seems a lot of L's don't like the idea of a MtF L encroaching in their territory.



Oh well, persistence paid off...I'm engaged and set to be wed this Dec!

[desperateforchange]

Congratulations =)
Happy early wedding

Hey, you have to kiss a lot of toads to find your Prince(ss).

That said, I advertised myself for a year/year-and-half, with the average time the ad stayed up being about 30 minutes before being "flagged." Seems a lot of L's don't like the idea of a MtF L encroaching in their territory.



Oh well, persistence paid off...I'm engaged and set to be wed this Dec!

[Beth Andrea]

"Genderfluid" was mentioned...I'd forgotten, she is cis-L, and GF. I love how she takes my arm, holds doors open, etc...

I had dated t-women as well as cis-, so yeah I'd suggest the community too. But, in terms of actually meeting someone...it's very difficult for me. I don't like the bars, I have social anxiety in bucket loads, I don't date at work (personal pref), and I don't go to any church.

So, it was the F4F@CL for me! An observation: I tried the M4F section, and nearly all replies included a "dikpik", very little in the way of actual words that make this woman tingle. The women all had great replies (even the online hookers with their tastefully done  pics).

So...be cautious, be safe. But you have to put yourself out there somehow!

[Staci]

I get asked out by Cisgendered women frequently and rarely by men.

[Violet Bloom]

  I too would like a non-trans girlfriend but I'm not completely ruling out other options.  Female-bodied with some guyish traits is what seems to do it for me, which could mean some sort of trans/queer.  Only three people ever directly signaled intentions towards me - two prior to transition and one during.  The one during was a transwoman who I had absolutely no interest in.  I have never met an MTF I would date.

  I never get a straight-up request for a date - all I get is a bunch of weird indirect nonsense.  It would be refreshing if women would just simply ask me out.  I can't deal with bars/dating sites.

[androgynouspainter26]

Eh, hate to disagree with Jessica, but it's not as simple as just being yourself.  When I'm being myself, I'm jaded, bitter, sarcastic, and generally unpleasant to be around.  So, I put on my best face instead-I wear makeup, try to be sweet and charming at least for a little while, and just keep things together for a short moment.  And-statisticly speaking, our chances aren't good.  There aren't many lesbians out there, and fewer still who have something in common with you AND who will be willing to date a trans* girl-I'm in the heart of the queer community, and nobody wants anything to do with me.  But keep your options open-and you might get lucky.  And stay open, because if you do you'll want to put your best foot forward.

And guys-Dating a trans girl would be wierd for me too, honestly.  It'd be a bit like dating your sister-besides, I'm a lesbian-I don't like penises.  Just because it's on a woman doesn't mean I'd be willing to date someone with one.

[Jessica Merriman]

OMG! Really? 

I am so sorry you are in the minority, really. It must be terrible to live and think like this. We are all going through something that not many get to experience. You can be a downer and waste your new second life or you can make peace with the past and be free and happy. Why transition at all if you are not going to change and find inner peace? Please do not waste this second precious chance by allowing demons of the past to destroy it as well. Transition is not only about physical changes, but mental and deep into your soul. I would not change a minute of this new incredible life.

[androgynouspainter26]

Well, this rebirth of mine has done me immense good, BUT comes at a price-you must know what that's like.  I'm not a downer, nor cheerry, at least I don't mean to be either!  I'm a rationalist, and things might not ever go that well in the relationship department-but the also might, so I'm still out there trying   Surpessing something this huge leaves scars, and I'm working pretty darn hard to excise them, but there's still a lot of work ahead of me.  Honestly, I don't think there are many people out there who might be able to overlook the fact that I (sort of) look like and (by their definition) am a guy.  And the isolation that came alone with my transition-that's all I was refering to.  I didn't mean to sound discouraging to anyone at all-hey, yeah, it's pretty isolating, but living as something you're not is isolating too.  So better to be honest and solo, then live a sham and be just as alone, right?

[Beth Andrea]

I think there are many lesbians out there...every kind from "womyn only" extremists all the way to those who are totally accepting of us, with or without That Part. (IMHO, most lesbians are unconsciously bi, so they aren't automatically turned off by It).

I had to do a bit of an internal "make over" like Jessica referred to...doing what was doing as a guy would have been foolish (and somewhat dangerous), so I just asked myself, "What behaviors of mine do I want to keep, and which behaviors should I cultivate, in order to find my "dream girl"?"

It's not impossible, but you have to make sure you're not shooting down your chances with bad behaviors and attitudes. And, you have to understand it is OK to be without a partner...YOU are a complete person, and do not need another to fulfill your life.

Once you accept that, it's a lot easier to be more casual and easy-going about meeting Mr/Mrs Right.

[Devlyn]

Beth, congratulations on the engagement! 

Hugs, Devlyn

We now return to our regularly scheduled topic.

[Illuminess]

I've pondered on the whole dating issue, too. Being MTF and interested in women (typically more tomboyish) seems like a challenge almost as equal as climbing Mt. Everest. The thing with me, though, is that I'm quite content as I am. All I'd really want is a "partner in crime" with no feelings of obligation, no emotional expectations, and no need for sex. Just mutual affection where we can just enjoy each other's company as we embark on many cool adventures, movie marathons, and snuggle sessions. It seems that's like asking for the moon, so I just go about my life immersing myself in creative things and lots of philosophy.