Taking GED classes as a pre-everything trans guy.. Doable??

[littleredrobinhood]

I dunno if anyone here has any experience with this.. But I figured I'd ask, anyway. 

But first a little backstory (I'll try and keep this short):

I was in public school from kindergarten to the beginning of 4th grade (age 5 to 9), until my parents pulled me out and started me on a homeschool curriculum with my Mom as my teacher. And my sister - who had never been to public school - had recently hit school-age was also started on homeschool.

A short year and a half to two years later, however, my Mom's depression worsened and she started neglecting me and my sisters schooling, until finally she stopped teaching us altogether. And our Dad.. Well, I guess he just thought that because it was our Mom who took on the teacher role, it wasn't his problem. So he did nothing about it.
No one knew that she had stopped either, because she'd lie about it and she never took me or my sister to meet other kids doing homeschool (I didn't even know that this was something homeschool kids often do until I was older), so no one knew us. My sister and I didn't have any friends - just each other (we're about 4 years apart).

Fast forward to now; age 22. Mom never started teaching us again, and never put either of us in school (even when we'd express wanting to go). About a year and a half ago, she decided she didn't love my Dad anymore and divorced him, moved out and just.. left. Completely abandoning any responsibilities to me and my sister - she has a new life with a new man. We're no longer her problem.

Dad.. he only ever talks about it when I bring it up. He acts guilty when I mention how I'm scared of what's going to happen to me because I'm 22 and without an education, and says things like "I know.. and it's my fault. I should have done something", then "reassuring" me by telling me not to worry, and that he'll "take care of it soon" (but this isn't the first time he's said that. I've heard that line multiple times over the years).

As for my sister, she got lucky. About a year or so before our Mom divorced our Dad, she got married and moved out to live with her husband. They moved to Colorado (we live in Texas) because her husband is attending college there, and she began taking classes so she can get her GED. (when I heard the news I was both happy for her and ashamed of myself because she's so far ahead of me in life)

Recently, though, she and I were texting about her classes. It came up when I mentioned to her that I had just attempted to play a math game online (addition for 1st and 2nd grade - ages 6 and 7)and lost - MULTIPLE TIMES. I knew my math was horrible, but this made me feel like garbage - like I had literally no worth. Like I didn't deserve to exist.

This leaded to me pouring out my guts about my fears of taking classes to her - that I would be the "stupidest" one there, and that everyone would treat me badly because of it. And after that, my sister began to reassure me that those things wouldn't happen - that when she took a test to gauge what classes she needs to be taking, her math was at 3rd grade level, and that after 2 months it's now at about 5th grade level. She said that there are even people much older than her in her class that are working from an even lower grade than her.

Hearing that was a huge shock to me - I thought that surely she and I were the least educated people in our age groups in the entire country! But hearing that we're not alone, and that the people in those classes don't judge you for where you're at.. It was a huge relief.

But then she continued; "There's even a girl like you that wants to be a guy. We address her as a guy just as she wants. Dresses like a guy. We call her by her male name. She binds her chest so you can't see her boobs." (Quote look familiar? Yep! It's from my other thread).

The misgendering did bother me (as you could see in my other thread here), but at the same time, it gave me hope. Because part of the reason I haven't nagged my Dad about getting me into classes (fear of being thought of as stupid aside), was because I didn't want to go out into the "real world" as a woman. I wanted to be able to hide at home forever - until I could come out a beautiful butterfl-- er.. man.

There's still a few things standing in my way - like severe social phobia (I was very shy as a kid, but after being taken out of school and isolated for all these years.. it turned into full on fear of people). But if I could take classes as me.. I almost feel like I would jump at the chance.

Problem is, I don't know if it's possible because I'm pre-everything. I've had zero surgeries, am not taking testosterone, do not and have never owned a binder or packer, do not have a "male wardrobe", and I've never seen a gender therapist. And I'm worried that this would cause me to be denied if I were to request that the people there refer to me as Robin (not my legal name) + use male pronouns.


So, to the point of this thread: Does anyone know if that would be the case? Would I not be able to do this unless I "passed"? What kind of requirements would I have to meet?

[LordKAT]

Registering for the testing would require your legal name. It is basically up to the school and individual teachers if they will respect your chosen name. A legal name change is easy and pretty painless. You could do that first and wear some more androgynous clothing. Packing isn't always noticeable depending on clothing. Binding can be done cheaply and safely with about  $20 from a sporting goods section of any department store. Use a 'waist trimmer' type thing. IN home tutoring or online classes to help with your on campus classes can be a big help. You may find that you can get that help cheaply or sometimes even free from other students or study groups. Books cost money but you can study much of it at home on your own time if you are dedicated to doing so.

I wish you the best of luck and feel that this is a case of child abuse via neglect. You may be able to use that as a way to help pay for some of the books or tutors you will need through your local student services office where you sign up for taking your GED or HSED.

Your school of choice may even offer some of the therapy you need to get through htis time n your life and aid you in furthering your quest to transition.

[littleredrobinhood]

Registering for the testing would require your legal name. It is basically up to the school and individual teachers if they will respect your chosen name. A legal name change is easy and pretty painless. You could do that first and wear some more androgynous clothing. Packing isn't always noticeable depending on clothing. Binding can be done cheaply and safely with about  $20 from a sporting goods section of any department store. Use a 'waist trimmer' type thing. IN home tutoring or online classes to help with your on campus classes can be a big help. You may find that you can get that help cheaply or sometimes even free from other students or study groups. Books cost money but you can study much of it at home on your own time if you are dedicated to doing so.

I wish you the best of luck and feel that this is a case of child abuse via neglect. You may be able to use that as a way to help pay for some of the books or tutors you will need through your local student services office where you sign up for taking your GED or HSED.

Your school of choice may even offer some of the therapy you need to get through htis time n your life and aid you in furthering your quest to transition.

Thank you for all the info! 

The name change may be a problem though.. Sure, it may be legally simple - but I'd need my Dad's help. It costs money -which I have literally none of. And I don't think he'd be up for paying to get my name changed. 

Speaking of names, though, are you able to get the name on your GED changed?? Like say I aquired my GED under my current name and wanted to change the name on it after I had my name legally changed to something else. Or is that something that you aren't able to alter?

[blink]

Yes, you can get your name on a GED changed after a legal name change. Depending on the state you got your GED, it can be stunningly simple. Got mine in Texas and all I had to do was email them a scan of my name change documentation.

[littleredrobinhood]

Yes, you can get your name on a GED changed after a legal name change. Depending on the state you got your GED, it can be stunningly simple. Got mine in Texas and all I had to do was email them a scan of my name change documentation.

Really? And you're in the same state, too!  I'm relieved to hear it's possible to change it here. I don't think I'll have much choice but to use my birth name because I doubt I'll be able to do anything transition wise until I have a job and can pay for things myself. And a job is unlikely until I get my GED (with my math skills I doubt I could even work a cash register..)

[LordKAT]

Depending on circumstances, you can get your fees for a name changed waived or reduced. Talk to the clerk of courts in your local courthouse and ask. Be a bit insistent. As long you, if an adult, or parent if a minor, are willing to do the paper work yourself, it it possible to do.

[littleredrobinhood]

Depending on circumstances, you can get your fees for a name changed waived or reduced. Talk to the clerk of courts in your local courthouse and ask. Be a bit insistent. As long you, if an adult, or parent if a minor, are willing to do the paper work yourself, it it possible to do.

Sadly, my Dad is the only way I'd be able to make it to a courthouse.  I don't have a license (or even know how to drive), so I can't get there myself. I would still need Dad's approval. And I don't think he'd be too happy if I just went up to him and said "Hey Dad, can you drive me up to the courthouse? I wanna change my first and middle names to guy names." lol

Even if I could go up there on my own or with someone elses help.. I dunno how anything works, and I'm sure I'd be asked a lot of legal questions about myself, to which I would answer "Uh.. sorry.. I dunno..?" 

[blink]

Really? And you're in the same state, too!  I'm relieved to hear it's possible to change it here. I don't think I'll have much choice but to use my birth name because I doubt I'll be able to do anything transition wise until I have a job and can pay for things myself. And a job is unlikely until I get my GED (with my math skills I doubt I could even work a cash register..)

Yep, quite possible to change it. The reason for it being so easy is that it's "just" a name change. There's no gender (to my knowledge) tied to a GED, so it's no different in the system than someone getting married and needing to change their last name, or someone changing their name for cultural reasons.

Just want to comment on this real quick.

I knew my math was horrible, but this made me feel like garbage - like I had literally no worth. Like I didn't deserve to exist.

I know how much it sucks to feel stupid on a subject. Any subject, but especially something most people take for granted. But even if you were the worst in the country at math - someone out there is - all that would mean is that you wouldn't be good at math. Some people have learning disabilities and never get on par with a subject, it doesn't decrease their right to be alive or their worth as a human being. If anyone does try to make you feel inferior over something like this, their priorities are crooked.

[littleredrobinhood]

Yep, quite possible to change it. The reason for it being so easy is that it's "just" a name change. There's no gender (to my knowledge) tied to a GED, so it's no different in the system than someone getting married and needing to change their last name, or someone changing their name for cultural reasons.

Just want to comment on this real quick.I know how much it sucks to feel stupid on a subject. Any subject, but especially something most people take for granted. But even if you were the worst in the country at math - someone out there is - all that would mean is that you wouldn't be good at math. Some people have learning disabilities and never get on par with a subject, it doesn't decrease their right to be alive or their worth as a human being. If anyone does try to make you feel inferior over something like this, their priorities are crooked.

Yeah, I didn't figure that they would include gender on a GED (another relief lol) 

And yeah, I know it doesn't literally make me worthless or any of that.. but it sure does make me feel that way. Even people who have learning disabilities and can't help it are bullied for being "stupid". And crooked or not.. hearing that sort of thing coming from anyone would make me feel like crap.

Even if no one ever bullied anyone for being under educated, I'd still feel pretty bad, simply because I'm "different from everyone else". I just want to finally be "normal", y'know?

[blink]

This seems relevant.
http://zenpencils.com/comic/albert-einstein-everybody-is-a-genius/

[littleredrobinhood]

This seems relevant.
http://zenpencils.com/comic/albert-einstein-everybody-is-a-genius/

Hah! I like that quote.  This negativity I've been cursed with doesn't seem to want to let it apply to me, though  My mind just tells me "But I'm not a fish trying to climb a tree! I'm a fish that never learned how to swim!". I can try and reason with it by saying "Well that's not really my fault, though", but it tries to argue anyway. "I'M STILL DIFFERENT THOUGH"

Obviously, positivity is something else I need to learn hahaha. (too bad they don't teach that in school)

[Bimmer Guy]

You know what jumped out at me, littleredrobinhood, is that you write really well.  You grammar is good, putting commas in the right places and such.  Are you self taught in that area?  Pretty impressive for no schooling!

Math is tough.  I suck at it.  I can hardly do simple algebra and I have a Master's degree (obviously not in math or sciences!).  I am strongly considering going back for my doctorate and not sure how I am going to do well enough on the GRE (testing for graduate school).  My master's program didn't require GRE testing.

I am not surprised how quickly your sister is moving through learning math though.  You should expect the same.  Being an adult your brain is more fully developed than a child who is learning.

I'm sorry your parents didn't support your education growing up.  I understand why you would feel the way you do.  Connect with your local adult learning center.  You should be able to go there to take GED classes and also get one on one tutoring for free.

Like LordKAT said, it would depend on your teachers if you are gendered correctly.  I'm sure any one-on-one tutoring situation would lend itself to you being gendered correctly. 

[blink]

"But I'm not a fish trying to climb a tree! I'm a fish that never learned how to swim!".

Math is not to human, as swimming is to fish. Our equivalent is walking. It'd be an understatement to say math is a more advanced skill than walking. The fact that you haven't learned this advanced skill yet doesn't make you intrinsically different. It means your opportunities in life have been different. Anyone else given the same opportunities would be in a similar circumstance.

It sucks that you didn't have the same opportunity to learn as so many other people have. But it doesn't reflect on you in any way. And when the opportunity does arise, you can still learn.

By the way, you don't have to wait for a class to start. There are resources online for this type of thing. Googling "free online basic math courses for adults" pulls up quite a few results, this one comes up first and seems thorough. http://www.gcflearnfree.org/math

[littleredrobinhood]

You know what jumped out at me, littleredrobinhood, is that you write really well.  You grammar is good, putting commas in the right places and such.  Are you self taught in that area?  Pretty impressive for no schooling!

Math is tough.  I suck at it.  I can hardly do simple algebra and I have a Master's degree (obviously not in math or sciences!).  I am strongly considering going back for my doctorate and not sure how I am going to do well enough on the GRE (testing for graduate school).  My master's program didn't require GRE testing.

I am not surprised how quickly your sister is moving through learning math though.  You should expect the same.  Being an adult your brain is more fully developed than a child who is learning.

I'm sorry your parents didn't support your education growing up.  I understand why you would feel the way you do.  Connect with your local adult learning center.  You should be able to go there to take GED classes and also get one on one tutoring for free.

Am I? Haha, thanks!  I feel like I use too many commas, honestly. But I just try to write the same way I speak (which involves a lot of brief pauses). Reading and writing were my "best subject" when I was still in school, though. I remember getting A++'s in 2nd and 3rd grade - even getting little notes from the teacher telling me how well I wrote. Heh.

I think my reading/writing skills aren't going to be my best subject on an "adult" level, though. It's embarrassing to admit.. but I have only read one book ever since my Mom stopped teaching me. I avoid it because I encounter a lot of words and sentence structures that make no sense to me, which immediately convinces me I must be stupid, so I quit. Plus it's hard to enjoy a book when you're struggling to understand what's being said.

But yeah, it seems most people think math is/was their worst subject and overall dislike it, and even though it's the same for me.. I'd really like to be good at it.  Math is used in so many things, and I dunno.. I want to be able to understand those things. Haha

Math is not to human, as swimming is to fish. Our equivalent is walking. It'd be an understatement to say math is a more advanced skill than walking. The fact that you haven't learned this advanced skill yet doesn't make you intrinsically different. It means your opportunities in life have been different. Anyone else given the same opportunities would be in a similar circumstance.

It sucks that you didn't have the same opportunity to learn as so many other people have. But it doesn't reflect on you in any way. And when the opportunity does arise, you can still learn.

By the way, you don't have to wait for a class to start. There are resources online for this type of thing. Googling "free online basic math courses for adults" pulls up quite a few results, this one comes up first and seems thorough. http://www.gcflearnfree.org/math

I didn't think it possible.. but you may have just shot down my negativity in that area.  I wouldn't have thought about it that way. 

And thanks for the link! 

[blink]

I didn't think it possible.. but you may have just shot down my negativity in that area.  I wouldn't have thought about it that way. 

And thanks for the link! 

Glad it helped.

Further, here's something that completely changed my perspective on my own mathematical shortcomings.

[littleredrobinhood]

Glad it helped.

Further, here's something that completely changed my perspective on my own mathematical shortcomings.

I can see why, too! It's a good point. One I never really considered. 

I wonder if that means if I should approach learning math the same way I would learning a language, then.  Because out of curiosity, last year I managed to teach myself to recognize all of the Japanese hiragana and katakana through a flashcard app on my phone - I used the app a lot for like 5 days, and had them memorized by that point. Maybe that's the best way (for me, at least) to learn math.. for the more simple stuff, anyway. Just need to drill it until it sticks. (Math is less interesting to me than Japanese, though, so it probably won't be as fun. Hahaha)

[captains]

I just want to say that there is NO shame in what you're doing and where you're at. You came from very difficult circumstance, and if you wanted to abandon school altogether, I don't think anyone could blame you. Thinking about moving forward and putting yourself through all that work in order to improve your education -- that's amazing.

I'm so impressed. Learning the language of math is hard has hell. Most of us are exposed young, but for you, it's like picking up Icelandic as an adult. And if I told anyone I was trying to do that, I'd get nothing but heartfelt whistles. You deserve the same for reaching for your GED. No matter what, I hope you'd feel proud of yourself today, because imo, you've earned it already.

[pianoforte]

Your writing is really good, and you clearly know how to think critically about things (your gender identity, for example). Plus if you can do flashcards, you already have developed some good strategies for learning.

As for being called what you want, Robin is enough of a unisex name that even if people are hesitant about the gender thing, they will probably at least be willing to get your name right. Lots of people use nicknames in school, you just tell them what you go by on the first day, they mark it down in the attendance book, and you're good to go (sometimes they will slip up, so you might want to talk to your teacher before the first day if you want to be extra careful about your birth name not slipping out).

If you can get a binder and that haircut you've been wanting, you can present as male in your class. They might assume you are younger than you are and maybe that you just haven't finished puberty yet.

Someone on the forum was posting that they had a binder to give away, you might want to see if it's your size - also there are binder exchange websites for people in situations where they don't have any money.

It is clear that you don't have a lot of confidence, which makes sense given your lack of experience. If you've never been to school, never gone out as male, never read alot of books, naturally you're going to doubt your abilities. But you can clearly read the posts on this forum. You clearly know who you are. And those early notes from teachers were right - you are capable. The more you throw yourself into your education, the more you will see results, and the more your confidence will increase. If you can just believe in yourself enough to take the first steps, the rest will come a lot more easily than you may expect.

Social anxiety also fades with exposure. It can be super uncomfortable at times, but it can be very rewarding to stick it out and let yourself become more comfortable.

I belieeeeeve in you.

[Frank]

Our stories are kind of similar. Without launching into details, I only had five total years in school, and I didn't learn much anyway because of poor hearing. Luckily, I was a bookworm that read everything in sight but the math is something else...

I finally acquired a hearing aid and began attending free classes, and I too have been wondering if one can get their GED and then change the name on it later. I'm going to call tomorrow for details, since my state changed things around a little to compensate for the fact that GED prices have doubled. I will let you know what they say.

[littleredrobinhood]

I just want to say that there is NO shame in what you're doing and where you're at. You came from very difficult circumstance, and if you wanted to abandon school altogether, I don't think anyone could blame you. Thinking about moving forward and putting yourself through all that work in order to improve your education -- that's amazing.

I'm so impressed. Learning the language of math is hard has hell. Most of us are exposed young, but for you, it's like picking up Icelandic as an adult. And if I told anyone I was trying to do that, I'd get nothing but heartfelt whistles. You deserve the same for reaching for your GED. No matter what, I hope you'd feel proud of yourself today, because imo, you've earned it already.

Aw, shucks! Thanks. 

Your writing is really good, and you clearly know how to think critically about things (your gender identity, for example). Plus if you can do flashcards, you already have developed some good strategies for learning.

As for being called what you want, Robin is enough of a unisex name that even if people are hesitant about the gender thing, they will probably at least be willing to get your name right. Lots of people use nicknames in school, you just tell them what you go by on the first day, they mark it down in the attendance book, and you're good to go (sometimes they will slip up, so you might want to talk to your teacher before the first day if you want to be extra careful about your birth name not slipping out).

If you can get a binder and that haircut you've been wanting, you can present as male in your class. They might assume you are younger than you are and maybe that you just haven't finished puberty yet.

Someone on the forum was posting that they had a binder to give away, you might want to see if it's your size - also there are binder exchange websites for people in situations where they don't have any money.

It is clear that you don't have a lot of confidence, which makes sense given your lack of experience. If you've never been to school, never gone out as male, never read alot of books, naturally you're going to doubt your abilities. But you can clearly read the posts on this forum. You clearly know who you are. And those early notes from teachers were right - you are capable. The more you throw yourself into your education, the more you will see results, and the more your confidence will increase. If you can just believe in yourself enough to take the first steps, the rest will come a lot more easily than you may expect.

Social anxiety also fades with exposure. It can be super uncomfortable at times, but it can be very rewarding to stick it out and let yourself become more comfortable.

I belieeeeeve in you.

Haha, the only way I could pass even with a haircut, binder and the right wardrobe would be if I lied about my age.  My voice is waaaaay too high to be taken as a 22 year old man. 12 year old boy, maybe.

And yeah I've seen lots of giveaways and stuff, but I feel like there're guys out there who need them a lot more than I do, so I'll probably just wait until I can afford my own.  (and figure out what size I even am. hahaha)

Thanks for the encouragement. 

Our stories are kind of similar. Without launching into details, I only had five total years in school, and I didn't learn much anyway because of poor hearing. Luckily, I was a bookworm that read everything in sight but the math is something else...

I finally acquired a hearing aid and began attending free classes, and I too have been wondering if one can get their GED and then change the name on it later. I'm going to call tomorrow for details, since my state changed things around a little to compensate for the fact that GED prices have doubled. I will let you know what they say.

Blink says we're able to change the name on a GED here in Texas - hopefully it's the same where you are!