I normally only write non-fiction for the purpose of school, but I tried something different with this. It is still non-fiction and essentially a journal entry, but I tried writing it in the form of a short story. Feedback is welcome.
I walk into a conversation among coworkers: "You hear about that guy model in Europe trying to be a girl?"
My face burns red as if they are talking about me. If I walk away awkwardly now will I have just outed myself? Shouldn't I be out at work by now anyway? Should I jump into this conversation as a chance to drop a hint?
The internal debate ends with the words, "It's enough to make me want to puke." I am frozen. Did she really say that? What is she going to say when she finds out about me? I need to get out of here before she sees my scarlet face and pounces.
As soon as I escape the room I am overcome with regret. I wouldn't have needed to out myself in order to challenge her thinking. If Mark cannot stand up for Sarah at no risk, how can I expect Sarah to be ready to defend herself when cornered? Does this mean Sarah is not ready for the public eye?
It is not just my future state that I sold out, but I sold out all of my peers as well. Peers with far more courage than I have. Peers who have welcomed and guided me to a community I just failed to stand up for. Peers who would have defended me without hesitation.
Never again. This is the last time I let them down. This is the last time I sit idle while my identity is challenged. This is the last time I sell out.This and other things I write are on
my personal blog.
