I don't know what to do please help!

[Kyler R.]

Right now I'm a closeted transexual and I HATE IT! I'm so sick of only being able to be who I really am when I'm home alone or with my best friend. So why not just come out? Well there are some problems. I was only able to come out to my best friend, because I knew that she would understand since she had recently come out as a lesbian. My sister is a lesbian as well so I know my parents are open to homosexuality, but I'm not too sure how they would feel if I told them that I'm actually a boy. My mom won't even let me cut my hair short, and every time I ask she flips out. She always says, "don't you want to look like a girl?" I have a feeling that my mom constantly wishes for me to suddenly wake up one day and put on makeup, or maybe enjoy going shopping with her for once. She's even told me that she can't wait for me to get married so she can go dress shopping with me, because it's very unlikely that my sister would ever be caught dead in a dress. I'm afraid that if I tell them, it'll break her heart. I'm not even sure that my parents will believe me if I tell them. Even though my best friend who has been out of the closet for almost two years and has multiple girlfriends, they still don't believe her when she tells them that she a lesbian. For some insane reason they seem to believe at the age of fourteen I'm too young to know anything about sexuality or gender preference. The next problem is school. If I come out now, then I will have to live with whatever the reaction is everyday at school for the next four years. So it's likely that I'll be subjected to bullying, and my friends, who I've only just met last August, might turn against me. My school does have an alliance so I know that at least there are some people in the school who won't turn against me, but for the rest I have no idea how they will react. I'm sorry for all the rambling, but I'm so scared and I don't know what to do. I really don't want to stay in the closet until college, but I'm worried that it will make my already hellish High School experience way worse and I'm really scared that my mom will react badly. What do I do? PLEASE HELP!

[Jill F]

Hi Kyler R., and welcome to Susan's Place. 

There are many people here that are or were going through what you are now, and there are many resources available here to help you on your journey.  I would suggest talking to a gender therapist, counselor and/or a LGBT youth center for support and guidance.

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All the best,
Jill

[Jill F]

Topic moved.

[mrs izzy]

Welcome Kyler to Susan's family.

We are looking forward to see how you progress in your life.

Finding a gender therapist would be high on my suggestion.

Sit back and enjoy what the forum can bring.

[Devlyn]

Hi Kyler, welcome to Susan's Place! There's a lot of good advice to be found here. Knowing you're not alone is a great comfort too. See you around the site!

Hugs, Devlyn

[Mark3]

Welcome to Susan's Kyler.

Its great to meet you, please feel at home,
There's lots of resources here, and an awesome group.!

Take care,
Mark

[Julia-Madrid]

Hi Kyler

So, to some extend you might be feeling that, with your sister being lesbian, it would be a double whammy to your parents if you tell them you're transgender?

Be this as it may, you sound certain about who you are, but you're going to have to convince your parents.  Seriously, don't sweat about the schoolfriends - there are other schools and other friends.  And if you are already finding school to include hellish experiences, it's worth acting.

I'm going to suggest that you have a quiet chat with your mom.  Plan what you want to say carefully, and make it clear, gently, that you very strongly feel that you're a boy (and not a lesbian).  Talk about the distress your body and life are causing you, and ask her to help you find a gender therapist. 

And have a backup plan, like being able to spend a few nights at your friend's place, just in case. 

You sound quite switched on, but taking that first step with family is very hard.

hugs
Julia

[PinkCloud]

At some point, you'll have to choose for yourself. It is your life, not theirs. To be able to transition means to claim your own life. I do understand the stress and worries, but when your suffering increases by not telling, then there isn't any other solution than to simply tell it.

You could write your honest feelings down in a letter or e-mail, and sent them the letter/email while you are away. Then wait for a response. I found it to be the best approach, because then they won't face you and they cannot react instantly to you, so they can process it alone. This might prevent emotional outbursts.