Mother insisting and forcing me to see a psychiatrist and be evaluated still

[TSJasmine]

Your situation makes me so sad I think that if you really feel transgender then you should just go through with the hormones asap. The longer you wait the less effective the hormones will be

[Annabellekay]

I fear this psychiatrist will forever prolong the process of me getting hormones or anything for that matter, and just further stigmatize me as the last counselor Lcpc did. I know if I have someone else attempt repairative - conversion therapy on me that something bad will happen to me because I can't endure this repression and fight anymore, it's putting a physical strain on me. I have gone for the past few weeks to being much more happier to today being depressed, panic attacks, sweating hands, self harm, flashbacks and being generally down quiet, which was different from yesterday and the day before even. Since she has mentioned me seeing this psych ontueday my mood has plummeted which is a dangerous sign to me, because I know damn well what she's trying to do, have me mentally evaluated and medicated as she already has stated in the past. That I need medication, therapy, to be psychiatrically evaluated, that "something isn't right' with me. But then yesterday all she was doing is hugging me and saying she  loves me after she had a arm pain attack cause of her autoimmune stuff, she was looking st the menu for food and all of s sudden she curls up in pain and sits there for a while and I broke down seeing her in pain like that. But then I question her pain and things because today she just let it loose thwt Tuesday I'll be seeing this psychiatrist and thwt I should talk to the psychiatrist about the robotics I've been talking about to her for the past few days. I told her no because he would think I'm crazy and I'm not going to let that be a predecessor for some diagnosis, and she's like he won't think your crazy; it's smart; etc. ever since the last counselor I have grown to distrust mental health providers that are not clinically trained in transgender or gender related issues. Everyone from the LGBT community says one thing which is to embrace this and go forth, then I have my mom sending me to counselors and places to ignore and dismiss my true problem, and in turn with no  credential to diagnose; to diagnose me as bipolar and then question my secular science beliefs in turn for my families Catholicism, forcing me to answer why I don't have the same beliefs as my family and making a stink about it. That watching tv shows and hsving a few toys makes me manic. I'm sfrsid of what s psychiatrist would do considering they can do more, and knowing how the psychiatric movement in the past has treated trans people; I worry a lot for myself. And it's a growing issue not for only myself but others. Numerous health organizations and groups have warned any practitioner gay or other wise to not attempt to convert or change onces gender orientation, sexual orientation etc. They are also held to the creed 'do no harm'. Howeveri have been harmed already.

[LordKAT]

ive told my mom that specifically and everything out of her mouth is "no you're not, you're not an adult when you throw a tantrum because somebody tells you the truth and you don't like it!" ( this was during an argument we had a month ago). So I feel if I was to show any authority or self advocacy with this psychiatrist that It would be dismissed and discredited. To people I am just an 85 pound 5'2 developmentally delayed born premature retard who is still 3, after all 3 year olds study robotics; philosophy, political science and political engineering, social engineering, world systems thinking, a college level vocabulary, logical and rational thinking, and the fact that I don't believe in some man in the sky who rules my life;  that I purely and strictly believe in the science. But nah I'm 3 and totally mentally il, ocd, bipolar, and God knows what else. It's become a pissing contest to diagnose instead of help with the direct dis-ease.

I meant with the psychiatrist.

[AnonyMs]

This is all outside my experience and I find it difficult to relate to, but I'd like to comment anyway. If any of this is stupid, or dangerous, someone please correct me.

It sounds like you have a a serious issue in the way you relate to your parents that you need to work on. You mother is only in control if you give her control, and that's down to you, not her. Imagine if you were 30 or 40 years old and were saying the same things? I'd hope that wouldn't happen. I can understand that at 19 you're lacking in life experience, have been oppressed and not yet learned to be independent, but 19 or 40 you're still and adult and she can't force you do anything. The difference in being independent once you're a legal adult is internal, not external.

The way you write it doesn't sound like she has financial leverage over you, of if she does its not the real issue. Personally I think you need to get away from her, at least a while, and learn how to be independent. It sounds like that would be very hard while living at home.

I'd personally stay away from any psych she's arranged as well, both because she may find one that will twist you in knots, but also because they could possibly cause you to compromise your legal independence (I've no idea if that's my paranoia speaking though). Find your own, and discuss both your parents and gender issues.

[Annabellekay]

Ill be  consulting a counselor who works with trans specifically thwt I found, I'll also stay in contact with w lady from the LGBT community teen center group. I'll make them both aware of what's happening, though there is no way I can get out of this appointment. Everything I keep reading online says fan, movie, tv show and celebrity music memorabilia doesn't constitute as "ocd", nor would it be indicative of mania. So I'm very weary. My mom says I need medicine and she like today she told me to take one of her Zoloft pills with her. I told her that's not right and irresponsible that you don't take any other persons medication unless it's prescribed to you specifically and that she needed to stop. I don't know what's up with her but I could certainly build a paper trail if need be. And she tells me to tell the psych dr the truth well I might just have to tell him how she has been acting and what it's like living here, how she is acting because its paranoia. Like she was supposed to take my iPad in to get fixed and she literally didn't take it in after waking me up early in the morning; because she was paranoid the shop would woy snd hack or go into my Facebook and email. It was purely absurd and she keeps blaming me saying I stress her out and do this to her do that to her; it's called manage your own stress no matter who or what causes it. You can't blame people will the time for stress. When I'm stressed I take herbal medicine and try to manage it. I don't yell all day oh you stress me out this and that. It's all I've ever heard since I was little; the scapegoat. She projects her own mental illness into me so she doesn't have to deal with it. It's easier to medicate me and shut me up and have me transition and go through life like an intellectual. Ever since 4th grade I've been medicated on adderall until freshman year then I discovered this whole gender thing further. Ever since I've explored it's been an issue and my brother has fed into the bullying and suppression by mocking me daily "Stacy Stacy !" Flamboyantly because that's what I wanted to be called in 4th grade; that's when the medicstion began. I think I have a damn right to be angry. :/