Sexual expression post op

[Ms Grace]

Hi ladies! I'm at a point where I'll soon be considering how to proceed with GRS. As a woman who has found herself in the unfortunate position of having been born with a doodle I am quite keen to have that corrected.

Up until now my sex life has been massively mediocre - I am attracted to women but can't really relate to them sexually the way I'd like to whilst I am endoodled! As such, despite the fact I'd love to be in a loving relationship with a wonderful woman, I've always considered myself as not much of a sexual person.

I was talking to my gender counsellor today about this and another related dilemma. Now he said that it was quite common for people's sexual expression to change for the better post-op. It was something that I hadn't really considered before but it does make a lot of sense.

And see, this is the source of my second dilemma. I had considered just getting cosmetic GRS - labia, plumbing and clit without bothering with inversion to create a neo-vag - primarily because I just don't fancy the idea of dilation. My "logic" goes thus... I like women, don't want to be in a relationship with a guy or be penetrated by one, so why go to the effort of a ne-vag that requires dilation? My counsellor pointed out - and certainly I had already considered this already - that penetration can happen between women... fingers amongst other things.

Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever find myself in a relationship with a woman as a woman anyway (negative, I know) - so again, why bother with a neo-vag and dilation? But now I have a suspicion that this might be the doodle talking, without it I might very well feel more likely to express my sexuality and seek out a partner; in which case I'm likely to need that dilated neo-vag.

At the core of it I'm a bit of a circular mind trap... I don't know how much I'd regret not getting a neo-vag because I don't know the true depth of my sexual expression because the fact I was born with a doodle gets in the way of experiencing my true sexual expression... 

[Catherine Sarah]

Hi Grace,

Interesting dilemma. This is a prediciment you need to spend any hours / days / weeks deliberating the outcome. As in most cases; only you hold the answer within.

I was fortunate and had my "epiphany" shortly after starting HT, so the rest was a no brainer.

I would have to conclude with the point, if you went for the cosmetic version; how would you cope and handle the situation should you come to the realisation that it had been the incorrect decision. If you can answer that, the problems solved.

That is well worth taking as long as you need to think about. Again for myself; yes, maintenance is an issue, but then again, so are many other things, this side of the fence. Just another aspect that comes with the journey. No one ever said this was easy. But I wouldn't have it any other way. Not for quids.

Huggs
Catherine

[Jenny07]

Ok Grace how about looking at your dilemma in a shopping context?

I never just buy the cheapest version of an item. I will be disappointed when it does not live up to my expectations and breaks and needs replacing.
I never buy the top of the range, well almost never, but get the second best in the line. Has all the features of the top of the line but those extras that make the top of the line so expensive I can do without and usually never notice unless it's bike related.
Worked well for me so far.

Re down below, do you really want the basic version or future proof yourself just in case you're curious? It might be hard to upgrade at a later time as you will only get one chance. I can so relate to how you feel. It's going to be a hard choice.
Yes it could be a pain but it could be something to enjoy in time?

Lest see what other think.

Jen

[Ms Grace]

The fact it can't be upgraded is definitely a consideration.

And I don't necessarily want it because it would be cheaper (although it would be, and less maintenance too) but certainly I take your point. Like the difference between buying the top of the range model verses the basic with no upgrade option.

[AnonyMs]

As a practical matter, you can always downgrade from the delux model. Just stop dilating if its getting you down.

[Catherine Sarah]

Hi Jen,

Yes it could be a pain but it could be something to enjoy in time?
Jen

Very interesting and very valid point you make. For me, certainly maintenance came at a price (time) BUT the positive advantages that have flowed from it are both immeasurable and profoundly enlightening in a numbers of aspects.

Huggs
Catherine

[mrs izzy]

Grace,

I know we talk about the dilation regiment. Yes it is very time consuming the first few months.

It's only about 6 months that's a pain, the rest is just not much a issue.

I am in the older range of my life but I did want something someone would take for a spin.

Hugs and your choice of comfortability.

[PinkCloud]

I am mostly asexual. Being post-op for just two weeks, I do dilate. I do not find it a pain. I am comfortable with. I just let it slowly slide in, relax and distract myself for 30 minutes. I do like guys, so I might have sex one day. But on the other hand, if it doesn't happen it doesn't matter. Still, I want to keep it open "just in case", and since I do not find it difficult, I will simply dilate. I do not care about depth, 6 inches would be fine with me. Most girls are small as well. So I won't stretch it and agonize myself for a few inches more. Besides, not many men are that well endowed. And if he is, it just wont go in completely, so what. 

[suzifrommd]

My sexual orientation is certainly VERY different post-op. I'm desiring being with a man in ways I never did before surgery. I don't find men any more attractive than I did, but I still want to be with one, if that makes sense.

Dilation isn't a big deal. It hurts for a few seconds as the thing goes in, and then I can read or listen to music for the rest of the time, and I really don't feel until it comes out. I actually enjoy the enforced peace for 20 minutes a couple times each day.

If you've heard my story, you know I never minded having a "noodle" but I'm still happy to have what I have now. Once post-op, I found that my brain seems to be wired so that having sex by being penetrated feels very right.

This is my experience, Grace. I really hope it helps.

[Myarkstir]

The others have given valid points. I will add one more

You don't get a test drive, you don't get to bring the car back to the dealer, what you buy is what you get.

You have to make you choice carefully. Me, when i realized that i wanted to feel something inside my decision was made. Screw dilations i don't mind them,  they will be part of my life.

Search inside, what you trully want. If it helps, at xmas my ftm wife is giving me my first electric boyfriend. 

[Eva]

Hi Grace only you can make that decision.... Id say look at it from a potential regret standpoint... What would you potentially regret more??? Yes dilation and the recovery and all the potential complications sound scary....  BUT to me it would also be scary to be in anyway "incomplete", the potential for serious regret is just too strong for me

That said a very interesting development has hit me lately... Ive always been about 70-30 women-men bisexual... Now after initially thinking I only like men now, Oh and I dooo .... I think more and more about a real lesbian relationship and it excites me more and more... There is no way pre-op I could be with a woman and less so men without massive dysphoria... I can see the potential for smoking hot better than ever sex with a woman as a real woman!!! I wouldnt want to be limited in any way though... I need to know Ive done all I can do

[Pikachu]

I've decided on the cosmetic version someday. I have 0 interest in men and 0 interest in being penetrated. In fact, quite the opposite. Just the thought of penetration makes me feel icky. So I know I'm not going to be missing out on anything. My partner would still be able to play with it with her fingers and tongue, which sounds perfectly heavenly to me, hehe. Then there's the money I'd save, less risk, less maintenance...

That's just my personal perspective, of course, but I thought it might help in some way to hear it.

[awilliams124]

Hi Grace,

I am less than four months post op. Already dilation just isn't a problem at all, being neither too time-consuming nor in any way uncomfortable.  In my case it is now just a bit of 'me' time, where I stop thinking about my family or my business for an hour or so and just chill out and focus on my needs.  That's something of a luxury for me actually! The early days of three dilations a day, which in all honesty did pretty much dominate my day, now seem like a distant memory. I'm not saying that will happen for you of course, but it needn't necessarily be the awful slog that it sometimes portrayed as.

In general I wonder if it might be better to come at this from the standpoint of deciding what you really want, rather than making a choice based on a negative, such as something you want to avoid, be that dilation or whatever.

I hope you manage to reach a conclusion you are happy with.

Amanda
x

[Athena]

I have thought about the question if I am ever in a position to get grs, would I want to go with the full neovagina or just the cosmetic one. In the end the choice comes down to what would the greater risk of regret be.
Yes I might not like dilating and may regret the choice to go for depth but dilating is eventually down to once or twice a week where as not having depth should I eventually decide that I want depth is a permanent thing.

My 2 greatest fears of transitioning is telling people and dilating and I still think I will have less regret going for depth then to go for the cosmetic vagina.

[Ms Grace]

Many thanks for your responses and feedback and experience ladies, you have given me much to think about. It is still at least five months away yet but I need to figure it out by then. The point of having no regret, especially keeping in mind that my libido and desire might change from the zero that it currently sits at, is very valid.

[Jenna Marie]

On the one hand, I'll never encourage anyone to get any kind of surgery they don't want, so this isn't intended as pressure at all.

On the other hand, it's also true that dilation is only really *mandatory* for the first few months, to ensure proper healing and safety. After that, you could stop if you wanted and were still sure you didn't want the vaginal canal... and either it'd close up, or it wouldn't and you'd know dilation wasn't necessary for you personally. Also, as others have said, the dilation really only does the "takes over your life, aftercare is a major hassle" stage for 2 months or so; by the time it's down to twice a day it's manageable, and once a week is easy.

[Madison (kiara jamie)]

post srs you will not be taking anti androgens so some testosterone produced by your adrenal glands might be enough to increase you libido, if you started having an increase in libido would you want to have access to your g spot from in your neo vagina,

also many lesbians don't like penetration but lots of them still do, and maybe your partner could have problems with dating a girl that doesn't have depth to her vagina

meh i dunno, i consider myself lesbian but i still want to get full srs, not for being penetrated but more to do with the fact that i want to be a woman with full woman parts, i don't want to feel like im unfinished or like i am a broken toy that my partner has to accept is not the best i could have been

plan for the future not the present

[Cindy]

This is obviously a very personal decision but I will make one comment. I have a friend who had cosmetic GCS because she had no interest in men and thought she never would.

Her life changed and she is very much in love with a man who accepts and understands her, but she has deep regret that she cannot be with him in a physical way that they both now desire.

I would suggest going for the complete operation and see how your feelings develop  over time, you can as others have said not dilate if you so wish, but at least you will have the option.

But these very personal decisions are just that - very personal.

[pretty pauline]

I would suggest going for the complete operation and see how your feelings develop  over time, you can as others have said not dilate if you so wish, but at least you will have the option.

Words of wisdom Cindy, I fully agree, at least it gives you opitions.

I have a friend who had cosmetic GCS because she had no interest in men and thought she never would.

Her life changed and she is very much in love with a man who accepts and understands her, but she has deep regret that she cannot be with him in a physical way that they both now desire.

That's exactly what happen me Cindy as you know, I fell in love with a man and we got married, I never regreted having the complete operation, I can now be a wife and have that physical intimacy with my husband in every way.