to wait for my family to go?

[Wild Flower]

I was wondering if anyone went through. The ultimate reason why I dont transition.. act feminine... be a woman is because of my family. I am a woman. I dont think i can pretend well since I am a whole different person away from my family. i am more me with my coworkers... although not feminine. I revert to my same ol ugly personality with my famkly... kind of conservative middle age man personality. Although i am not. I dont know how to act young since i keep my true self hidden from the world. The only time im me is on the internet...

Has anyone waited till their family grew old and pass away before becoming themselves. I think if I transition it would hurt my grandma the most... she easily got another 6-10 yrs left. Follow by my mother...

They wouldnt even accept if i told them i was gay. And i think i ruin my life not being me... i am tired of pretending to be someone im not.  But i dont think i can.be me.. i want to die but i dont do that because of my family. Im just existing as a shellnof a human. I try to be feminine as much as i can when i can... which is just the internet.

[Cindy]

Sometimes you are going to have to decide who you live your life for. Your Granma, your Mum, whoever. In fact there is only one person you can live your life for --YOU.

Yes it seems like a terrible decision but it is the only one.

You are being selfish to yourself and throwing the decision of what you do with your life to someone else. It is your life; no one elses. It is your decision; no one elses.

Yes it is hard, damn hard. But you are not alone. You have us. Most of us have faced the same situation with wives, husbands, parents, work.

You might be surprised of what you may find when you decide to live rather than to suffer.

And a really big HUG, because I do know what you are going through.

[Ms Grace]

Yes. I thought I could wait for my folks to pass away first. But given that might not have been for another ten to fifteen years I decided I wasn't going to put my life on hold. I kind of did that with my dear old grandmother anyway, and she lived to 98, passing away in 2012. I started transitioning about a year after she passed...and I now wish I'd had the courage to start sooner. I figured my folks would take it badly anyway so what was there to lose? Turns out my father does have major difficulties accepting me but hasn't disowned me however my mother has been great.

[rosinstraya]

Wow, this is a hard situation.

We are so afraid of "hurting" others, but we just end up hurting ourselves for longer. We worry about what others will think, but a lot of the time people are happy if you are happy with yourself. My mum died when I was young and my dad over 20 years ago, so I don!t have that immediate problem now  of what the parents may think- did it stop me from making my decision to transition earlier? Probably. Was that a good idea? I don't think so.

I have a large number of brothers and sisters, in another country, and it's still taken a long time and a lot of pain to make my decision. When I told my siblings- it wasn't a problem.

I appreciate you have your family close by, and to make a decision to be the real you will be a massive undertaking. But, to be your true self and to be able to express yourself and be free, I think you will have to make that tough decision.

I wish you the very best with it all - go and live your life!!


Hugs.

[Auroramarianna]

Do what is best for you. Really. If I had the resources, I would do it right now. I am not kidding. I have reached a point in my life where I just want to be selfish because I have been burying my true self in fear of my parents and considering their opinions. But my parents are super selfish. They don't want me to be happy,  they want me to be who they want me to so they don't have to deal with any problem. My father has already turned his back on me and I haven't even come out, but I am visibly feminine so yeah. It hurts a lot, I just want their support, them telling me they understand why I am depressed. But I don't bother. If I tell I am sad, they will tell me I have no reason to cause there is so much acceptance in the world, there are people who have nothing or are terminally ill and I can't feel that way. So why bother telling them anything? I am not going to come out to anyone else now. I will just do it, step by step, and gradually.

[V M]

I use to think that I'd wait for my folks to pass, not to transition but because I was planning to commit suicide and I didn't want to put them through all that

But thinking it over I've realized that I've never had much of a family and most everyone I know has turned out to be just another flake

Why should I bother telling them I'm transitioning or much of anything else for that matter?

[Wild Flower]

I put myself on spiro at 17-18. I wish I was on it now. Im 22. The damage was already done by then... i had early puberty.  But i tried my best then...

I remember when I was very young wearing dresses shaving my arm hair even plucking my eyebrows. I played with dolls and then i only play the computer (as a girl avatar). Then when i was 13-15 i only draw and listen to music. I grew my hair long fairly often until my mother was so upset that she cut off my hair. I grew it out again but i cut it off since i knew my family didnt like it. But i like having long hair... i havent had it in over a yr.

I cant blame her for my life. But she was the root of a lot of my misery since she thinks im just a normal guy i guess. I am losing my youth since i join the military to make her happy (i didnt have a job for a moment and she kept calling me a loser). I try to keep my life a secret but she always intrudes into it saying shr loves me. She loves an image of me... but she wouldnt really like the real me.

Now she said she would had paid for my college and all that... which is stupid to say since she never given me money sincs i was like 15. I love her a lot though. I really never had friends because im always afraid my real self would get reported somehow to them. Its just tough.

Im just tired of living this life. I made a mistake with my career my jobs... since i really just want to be a nurse and i thought that was too feminine. I never had a girlfriend since i couldnt pretend that far. Its not in me.

[Wild Flower]

I use to think that I'd wait for my folks to pass, not to transition but because I was planning to commit suicide and I didn't want to put them through all that

But thinking it over I've realized that I've never had much of a family and most everyone I know has turned out to be just another flake

Why should I bother telling them I'm transitioning or much of anything else for that matter?

I think I finally hit that point. I hope the best for your situation.

[Cindy]

Honey,
You are 22. I transitioned when I was 58.

You have so much to look forward to. You have every opportunity.

You just don't see it for the grief you are carrying.

Don't give in, don't despair.

Honey this is the first day of the rest of your life. Full of opportunity, hope, ambition and wonder.

Just grasp it.

[Nicolette]

I thought the same way before I started the path of transition 20 years ago. But I showed them that there was nothing to fear and they eventually became my greatest advocates. My grandmother read all the magazine articles and recorded all the TV discussions she could find on the subject. Even my homophobic, misogynist and traditionalist father surprised me. I suppose one of the things that really helped was my mother's strong character, who, with her liberal and open-mindedness, conveyed my plight in a sensitive and understanding way to the rest of the family.

*edited typographical error

[AnonyMs]

I guess its very personal the way you deal with this, but I think I have quite different feelings over this. I know it happens but I can't understand how parents can reject their children.

I've not told my mother, and she's very old. It's because I don't want to burden her with it and there's no need at the moment, but it would not stop me transitioning for a moment (other things are doing that). I don't suppose it would be a real problem, but if she can't accept me then she's never really accepted me, only her own idea of me. Love that's conditional is not really love to me, and I'm not going to sacrifice my life for that. I'm not saying I wouldn't love her, but I would leave.

[Wild Flower]

I guess its very personal the way you deal with this, but I think I have quite different feelings over this. I know it happens but I can't understand how parents can reject their children.

I've not told my mother, and she's very old. It's because I don't want to burden her with it and there's no need at the moment, but it would not stop me transitioning for a moment (other things are doing that). I don't suppose it would be a real problem, but if she can't accept me then she's never really accepted me, only her own idea of me. Love that's conditional is not really love to me, and I'm not going to sacrifice my life for that. I'm not saying I wouldn't love her, but I would leave.

That makes sense to me.

[tira.thasa]

Trans

[JulieM]

My family was one of my reasons for not transitioning 10+ years ago. Another was fear of what would happen with my wife's family, who both my wife and I were very close to. Now I'm 58. My entire family is gone. My wife's family is fragmented, fighting and becoming more and more distant. All of these people have lived their own lives, presumably the way they wanted to live them, without consulting me, without trying to please me, even once. None of them. Yet it seems I've lived my life, in major part, to please them. I really try to avoid going down the road of what-if, but I can't help but wonder if I sold myself out very, very cheaply back then.

[Lostkitten]

Better to do something and figure out the consequences straight away than holding back and keep telling yourself; 'but what if'. Do you want to look back one day wondering and wishing how it could have been otherwise?

If you are very afraid for the reactions and really think you cannot live in one house with them, then wait till you move out first. Either you lose them while they are still living or you lose them because they pass away. It is kinda the same and with both directions you can go for what makes you happy the most. First be happy with yourself before you try to make others happy.

[Natalie]

One day I decided that it's my life; we only get one chance at it so my happiness is important. If my family cannot accept that then it is their problem, not mine. Maybe you should stop allowing your family to dictate your personal happiness and the decisions you make. Today...well my Mom recently (10 months ago) came around trying to have a relationship with me but it's too little too late. When I finally addressed my tumor problems she told me, "You are now an orphan." I have 9 brothers and sisters too and none of them want anything to do with me. One brother, like my mom, recently was trying to have a relationship with me but again its too little too late.

[stephaniec]

Honey,
You are 22. I transitioned when I was 58.

You have so much to look forward to. You have every opportunity.

You just don't see it for the grief you are carrying.

Don't give in, don't despair.

Honey this is the first day of the rest of your life. Full of opportunity, hope, ambition and wonder.

Just grasp it.

same here it took me 63 years to find the path , but I made it.

[JustASeq]

I had similar thoughts of waiting for my family to be out of the picture before being myself. I came out as woman to my family early this year, at 27, right before starting HRT.  I was surprised in the end at how wrong I was about assuming their reactions reactions. In the end  it came down to me realizing that it was unfair to both me and my family to not share my true self with them.