This post is about a lot of things, but it all sums up into I think my friend is a little jealous of me, and I guess it's also a rant about how he's been acting- all I want is to help him.
He is also FtM, he's going to be 1 year on T very soon, I think in a week or two. He went through a therapist, sat on an endo waiting list for a long time, then finally started off on a lotion he could afford without insurance, but the dosage wasn't consistent. Through an honest accident, his sister was listed as male on his insurance, and when they fixed that, they tricked his insurance company into listing him as male, so he switched to Androgel since it would be covered. But he's having trouble absorbing the gel and he's had low levels every time he's been tested- they keep upping his dose but his levels are still well below male. It seems clear to me, granted I'm no medical professional, that he isn't absorbing the T well, and I don't think his doctor has even considered this. He's experienced changes for sure- definite voice and hair changes, but he still gets his periods and some of his other changes stopped extremely early. No sign of facial hair other than a few long chin hairs (which is normal at one year on T). His doctor is telling him that about 20% of guys don't lose their period which seems like an incorrect statistic to me, it seems to be most guys lose it. Also recently, he switched insurance companies, and his new company listed him as female of course. It took them a few months, but they just started denying him his T to be covered, and it is $430-$470 for 20 days at his current dose, which is likely to be upped again, so it would be even more expensive. He's going to either switch to injections like me, or go back to his lotion that was very inconsistent, and he seems to be leaning towards the lotion.
I on the other hand, 2 months on T right now, knew I wouldn't be covered, so I went straight to injections. I went through informed consent so I started a month after I turned 18. My periods stopped immediately and I'm already seeing voice changes and some facial hair growth (like, several short but coarse hairs on my chin and jaw line, also long fluff above my lip). This is exciting stuff, so when it happens, I tend to mention it. Or at least with stuff like hair and voice cracks. I was already paying out of pocket for my T too, so I know exactly what to expect every time I go into the pharmacy, I don't get surprised with a $400+ drug. He commented that my changes are coming really quickly (compared to him.) He refuses to go to me about his issues, when we used to be able to talk things through. I mean he was never SUPER talkative, but he used to at least rant to me every once in a while. Now he won't even acknowledge me when I try to offer my ears. He's even gone so far as to tell one of our friends that I should be getting changes SLOWER because I'm on injections, which is so untrue. They may not be faster, but they're certainly not slower either. That's either a lie (maybe to make himself feel better) or his doctor told him that. His doctor doesn't seem the most knowledgeable to me.
Basically, I'm worried he is jealous. I would understand how he feels, I mean I had a hard time talking to him about transition-related things after he started T and my date wasn't even in sight. It was hard to see him on T and being happy when I couldn't be. So I worry that he sometimes thinks that about me- that I'm not as long on T and am seeing things quicker than him. I've also got genetics on my side for the facial hair. I just want him to see that he may be jealous of that, but I'm jealous of his accepting family that pays for his transition for him. I'm jealous he had the chance to try gels and lotions. I'm jealous that top surgery is probably going to happen within a year for him. We both have reasons to be jealous of each other, but that doesn't mean that I can't offer him help. I know how much it sucks to think you can use gels but have to use injections instead. I can help him with that because I went through it too. I guess I get confused too because even though I was jealous of him until I too started T, when it came to things he would understand because he dealt with, I would always rant to him. When my T date kept getting moved, he was my go-to person because I knew he knew how I felt and could try to help, or at least make me feel less alone. But he isn't doing that, he's just moping and whining and basically feeling sorry for himself and using his lack of T as an excuse to behave like a grade-A jerk to everyone. When he ran out of T, he refused to pay the $470 until his doctor submitted an appeal. The entire time he waited for the appeal, he used his lack of T as his excuse for being a jerk and taking his decision out on everyone around him. The appeal got denied so he paid the $470 for enough to get him to his next doctor visit, where he will re-evaluate his options. He's not been quite so bad since getting the T again.
Really what I'm asking in this is that I am worried he is jealous of me for certain things, when really I just want him to realise we can both help each other with this stuff. How can I try to help him? I know I can't change that he's jealous, but how can I help him to not be a jerk about it?
