How did you come out?

[JoshD]

I'm trying to get the guts up to talk to my parents about myself but I really don't know what to say. How did you guys come out to your loved ones?

[Amato]

I guess I never officially came out to my parents. I started going to a local trans support group and made it seem like I was just volunteering for community service. But I knew they weren't stupid enough to believe that, especially since I'd been wearing more masculine clothing around this time as well. I went to the group every month and got very involved. My parents became curious.

I let them ask me what was going on, and I tried to explain that I was questioning who and what I was. They were both accepting in a way, and one of them even came with me to a meeting.

[JoshD]

I guess I never officially came out to my parents. I started going to a local trans support group and made it seem like I was just volunteering for community service. But I knew they weren't stupid enough to believe that, especially since I'd been wearing more masculine clothing around this time as well. I went to the group every month and got very involved. My parents became curious.

I let them ask me what was going on, and I tried to explain that I was questioning who and what I was. They were both accepting in a way, and one of them even came with me to a meeting.

There isn't really much like that around here. I guess I could leave this site open or something for them to find. :/

[Nicole]

Mine had a lot leading up to it.
In high school I was bullied everyday, most of the time I was hit, bashed, kicked, pushed over and I hid all this from mum, she knew I hated the breaks at school, yet loved the class time.
One day she didn't know I was in my room, walked in, I had my top off and she saw one big bruise that covered most of my upper body. I was in a lot of pain.
She dragged me to school, dragged me into the head office, to which she was told I needed to harden up.

She took me out of school that second.
Over the next few weeks I was at home a lot, always upset, down and she thought I might harm myself, the one thing she told me was that she would he with anything I needed, but I had to come to her.

One night we were watching TV, eating dinner and I said.
"Mum, I've been thinking about this since I was really little, I'm a girl inside, I can't explain it but I hate being a boy, I don't know what to do, but all I know is I feel like a girl".
She got up, hugged me, sat but down and said "we'll get through this" and went back to watching TV.

I remember going to bed that night with a smile on my face for the first time in my life.
The next day she started to get help on all this.

Found out about 10 years later that there was a transgirl in the Sydney office, who she had worked with a few times, the day after I came out she called her and asked what to do.

[Nicole]

There isn't really much like that around here. I guess I could leave this site open or something for them to find. :/

The first thing you should ask yourself is "how do you think they'll take it?"

If you think they'll take it well, you need to do it face to face, sit them down, explain it, even print off some info for them.
If they'll take it bad, write a letter, you read it face to face, have a friend who knows there as well for your support. Again print off info, explain that "its better to have a XYZ than a dead ZYX".

Hope it all goes well

[JoshD]

The first thing you should ask yourself is "how do you think they'll take it?"

If you think they'll take it well, you need to do it face to face, sit them down, explain it, even print off some info for them.
If they'll take it bad, write a letter, you read it face to face, have a friend who knows there as well for your support. Again print off info, explain that "its better to have a XYZ than a dead ZYX".

Hope it all goes well

I'm not sure how they would take it. I mean, I know mom will be upset. I don't know how upset they will get though.

I have a letter I wrote to them 8 months ago or so when I was really upset and depressed about it all. I never have it to them. But it basically does say the whole "its better to have a XYZ than a dead ZYX." I was thinking telling them then giving them the letter, but I chicken out every time I go to tell them.

[Amato]

Also, I hate to say it, but if your parents might take it badly and your dependent on them coming out may not be a good idea. Or if you must, have somewhere to go if things go awry.

I hate to say it, but that is an ugly reality that must be considered.

EDIT: I should also add, there is the possibility of things not turning out nearly as bad as you think they might. They may be more accepting than you expect.

[JoshD]

Also, I hate to say it, but if your parents might take it badly and your dependent on them coming out may not be a good idea. Or if you must, have somewhere to go if things go awry.

I hate to say it, but that is an ugly reality that must be considered.

I don't think they'd treat me differently in the terms of providing me with love and basic necessities. I think the house would be a tense place for a while though. I've never been a feminine person but my mother can't drop her hopes that one day I'll suddenly be the girl she wanted me to be. So if I tell her I think I'm trans, that's it. Her dream for me is officially gone.

[Jill F]

I came out my parents via email after I decided that I was never going to do "boy mode" ever again for any reason.  My parents are Monty Python fans, so I broke the ice by putting "The Spanish Inquisition, and something else you didn't expect.". I explained gender dysphoria, how it gets worse over time and how my brain failed to masculinize in utero.   My mom has a doctorate in microbiology and recalled how I had vestigial girl parts removed from a testicle when I was 12.  She sort of freaked out at first, but warmed up to me over a few months.  I think tha when she saw me happy for the first time, she "got it".

My immediate family got personal emails, then I came out via Facebook.


BTW, Nicole, you mom needs to go to the awesome mom hall of fame.

[JoshD]

I came out my parents via email after I decided that I was never going to do "boy mode" ever again for any reason.  My parents are Monty Python fans, so I broke the ice by putting "The Spanish Inquisition, and something else you didn't expect.". I explained gender dysphoria, how it gets worse over time and how my brain failed to masculinize in utero.   My mom has a doctorate in microbiology and recalled how I had vestigial girl parts removed from a testicle when I was 12.  She sort of freaked out at first, but warmed up to me over a few months.  I think tha when she saw me happy for the first time, she "got it".

My immediate family got personal emails, then I came out via Facebook.


BTW, Nicole, you mom needs to go to the awesome mom hall of fame.

I wanted to email my grandparents to tell them I was gay when that's all I thought it was, but my mom freaked out and said that I wasn't telling them through email. So I think she'd appreciate it more if I told her in person. I might have to do what I did when I came out to them as a lesbian and text them one day when I'm at work/school and be all "I need to tell you something." They stress out all day, but then I have no option but to come out with it when I get home because they won't let it go.

[Jo-is-amazing]

I wrote a letter that was 5 pages long, and put it in my mums purse (15 yr old me was sneaky and she couldn't work up the courage to tell mum to her face). That worked out ok
...
My parents position ended up being I had to pay for everything transition related from.my own pocket...which is a nice way of ensuring a 15 yr old can't do anything until they're 18.
...
I love them very much though, and though they don't necessarily support me in my decision to transition,  they still love & support me in every other aspect of my life, so it turned out ok I guess...

[JoshD]

I wrote a letter that was 5 pages long, and put it in my mums purse (15 yr old me was sneaky and she couldn't work up the courage to tell mum to her face). That worked out ok
...
My parents position ended up being I had to pay for everything transition related from.my own pocket...which is a nice way of ensuring a 15 yr old can't do anything until they're 18.
...
I love them very much though, and though they don't necessarily support me in my decision to transition,  they still love & support me in every other aspect of my life, so it turned out ok I guess...

That's good that they're still there for you though, even if maybe not as involved as you'd like them to be?

I'm 22, and when I'm done school in a couple of years I'll be out of their hair anyways. So I don't expect them to really help me with much. I just want their support. Because I don't know if I can do it without their support.