Soooo glad it's not me! No photos please!

[Sheila Grace]

Julia- I had a parallel experience. I was attracted to cross-dressing for years, and it was satisfying, but never quite "IT". I just thought that it was a fetish and tried to ignore it. I subsequently thought I might be bi or even gay. With blessings of a wonderful SO, I had a long time lover and was always thrilled with the intimacy, but when he passed, and I thought about others, I knew it just was not "the deal". It was amazing how much time and effort I spent AVOIDING the obvious answer. When I finally came to understand what being transgendered meant to me, I knew I was "home". I am interested to see how my preferences evolve or change after SRS.

[JulieBlair]

Once upon a time and a time ago it was, a girl I loved, as gently as she could, sat me down and advised me that although I was sweet, I was not really a man.  It broke my heart.  I didn't know quite what to do or how to respond.  A great deal of wine and some time later I decided that I must be gay.  I loved working  in the theater, found men interesting and attractive, it all seemed to fit and for a time it mostly did.

But I never got the bar/bath house scene.  I wanted to be loved, to be held and cherished.  In Seattle, in the late seventies I did not find that, and then people I cared about began to get sick.  I ran, frightened, I ran.

Almost thirty years, a couple of careers, and a couple of marriages later I admitted the truth and began to seek a path to living the balance of my years gently and authenticity.  I spent most of a lifetime running from pieces of the truth.  I can no more identity with the polar ends of the sexuality spectrum, than I can with the gender spectrum.  I live my life today as a loved and loving woman.  But I am a creation of both my experience and my biology.

I was born a XY girl,  I lived most of my life in the role of a man.  I now live a more complete life in the guise of a transgender woman.  But it is all still there.  The sad and frightened child, the confused young man, the engineer who tried to find normalcy, and the transitioning optimistic woman.  I have few regrets, many friends and most of all an authentic soul.

Peace,
Julie

[Dee Marshall]

Bisexual, polyamorous, that's about as far as I got. Once got called a "straight needle queen" by a gay friend gushing over a holiday gift I sewed for another friend. He didn't know I was bi a the time, but neither did I. Casual sex was NEVER my thing. I fall in love with people and never fall out. I still love my first girlfriend from over 40 years ago. Began realizing I was bi and had a good deal of feminine in me about 8 years ago when I had a relationship with a lesbian. She was trying to figure out why she was so attracted to a "man". Trans was nowhere on my radar until about a year ago and once I knew what it really meant I knew immediately, no doubts whatsoever. Prior to that I "knew" what most people "know", Crossdressing, that's trans, right? Of course it's not. The crossdressers I knew were mostly gay males with that completely male attitude I've always abhored, "sex is preferable to relationships." My cousin was like that and tried to hook up with me. Well, to be honest, when we were young, he did. Then he made me feel cheap and sleezy and I never gave him the time of day again. Funny, at one point when we were adults, he told me we were the only two normal people in the family, an unaware transwoman and a gay, aids positive, heroin shooting businessman. Funny thing is, he was right. My family is uber-strange. He passed away a few years later. How he would laugh now, except he would have been literally the last person I would have told, because he was a horrible gossip and would have given me away long before I was prepared to out myself.

[Julia-Madrid]

Julie and Dee, thank you for your remarkable stories, truly!

I can't add anything other than my gratitude.

Julia

[Sandy74]

I came out of the closet when I was like twenty two or so and dated guys and went out to gay clubs and what not for like six years and then went back in the closet when my last boyfriend cheated on me. I have been cross dressing ever since I was thirteen but recently realized that I am transgender within the last year and that it's not a phase and that this is who and what I am. I have been sexual with a couple females in my lifetime but I prefer the company of men sexually over females. I do adore females for there bodies and wishing I had a body like a woman.

[BreezyB]

The Girl was starting to flex her eyelashes (is that even possible?)

Haha, yes I thinks it possible Julia. Hell, everything else I use to flex is rapidly disappearing so I'm hoping it's possible!

Phew!

Anyone out there with a similar experience??

Well yes, a similar experience, but slightly different context. I never saw myself as a gay man, even though I had periods of my life where I would be with guys in a sexual encounter. Gee, I put that in such a 'nice' way. But seriously it was something very different. It was a time in my life where I had resided to the fact that I was some sort of gay bottom cross dresser who could only play the girl. And gee did it get creepy at times. It was a crazy time in fact, the tumblr experience you speak of Julia is reminiscent of some of these meets. Often drugs would be involved, it was horrible, horrible stuff.
And so now I am clear on who I am, and what I want in life (by the way, what I describe above is not it), I find myself having to be very clear with people, when they try to contact me on facebook. And even a trans girl the other day, said
Girl: 'wanna see a photo of me',
Me 'umm, yeah, I suppose"
Girl: 'is it ok if it's a naked photo'
Me: 'no, umm, why?'
So I needed to be explicitly clear that I was only looking for friends, not some Facebook Internet sex buddy. Eeek!

So yes, now I just want the nice white picket fence, a dog, and a happy partner. I don't think I can get that on Tumblr though 

Oh and just to add, having been in a long term relationship with a female, having four children and countless other girlfriends, I'm certainly clear now that I'm not attracted to men. Gee, I was one confused little bunny back then, but part of the journey I suppose.

[Ash]

I was actually out in favourite gay hangout last night with a few of the girlfriends. Willam was performing, our favourite Drag Queen.
But sometimes the kind of leeriness and over forwardness of some of the guys is a bit much.
And some of them I tell I'm trans, as in go away, I'm not sleeping with you yet they don't seem to get it.
Sometimes it's a little tough to go out in the gay scene and just relax or chill.
But we love the regular Queens and they take care of me 

Also I got to meet Willam.
She grabbed my butt and my crotch, called me pretty and was like woah cos of some of piercings. All playfully.
She was actually so nice to my friends and I.
And she told me to pierce my taint. I might have to now 
I was sooooooooooooooooooooooooo happy. Best night ever.

[Sheila Grace]

Once upon a time and a time ago it was, a girl I loved, as gently as she could, sat me down and advised me that although I was sweet, I was not really a man.  It broke my heart.  I didn't know quite what to do or how to respond.  A great deal of wine and some time later I decided that I must be gay.  I loved working  in the theater, found men interesting and attractive, it all seemed to fit and for a time it mostly did.

But I never got the bar/bath house scene.  I wanted to be loved, to be held and cherished.  In Seattle, in the late seventies I did not find that, and then people I cared about began to get sick.  I ran, frightened, I ran.

Almost thirty years, a couple of careers, and a couple of marriages later I admitted the truth and began to seek a path to living the balance of my years gently and authenticity.  I spent most of a lifetime running from pieces of the truth.  I can no more identity with the polar ends of the sexuality spectrum, than I can with the gender spectrum.  I live my life today as a loved and loving woman.  But I am a creation of both my experience and my biology.

I was born a XY girl,  I lived most of my life in the role of a man.  I now live a more complete life in the guise of a transgender woman.  But it is all still there.  The sad and frightened child, the confused young man, the engineer who tried to find normalcy, and the transitioning optimistic woman.  I have few regrets, many friends and most of all an authentic soul.

Peace,
Julie

Beautifully done, Julie. I have had similar experience. I thought that the crossdressing was it, then the gay thing, then both, then.....it finally came into focus. I am so happy that you have come to a place of peace. I am on my way. Blessings, Sheila

[PinkCloud]

In my search I kissed with a few guys, but got repulsed by the idea that they liked me because I was still a guy. Sometimes this gender dysphoria can be such a complete mindf*ck when you are unsure what or who you are. Took me quite some time to figure it all out.

[Clhoe G]

 never really thought I was gay but this reminds me of a gay guy I met,
It's a totally of topic story, so feel free to skip it

I was living in a hotel for about 2 to 3 months n I had hooked up with this supposedly gay guy he was  about 35 years old n he was there to meet some other guy he met online, but I met him at the front of my door while I was having a cigarette in girl mode, his room was just next door, I said Hi n asked how long he was staying, he told me just for the night and asked me the same, I explained I was temporarily living there, the small talk did'nt go on for long before he asked me in I said ok why not, I didn't bother sitting on a chair, I just went in n sat on the bed n before I new it he was groping my breasts n asking me if I have ever been with a man before, I told him only 3 (total fib more like 5) then I told him I'm transsexual, mmm he moans n reached down my pants, n well later he became my F***buddie but some time after he broke it off because I was getting to girly for him but it was a fun experience.

I should have known it would happen he's gay n I'm not a boy but o well it wasn't serious