Do you feel special and blessed as a transsexual?

[Shana A]

Rach is British. She means fries. I too hate cheese on fries.

Catsup or ketchup on fries is the norm in the US, I dislike it though... actually most of what passes for fries is pretty scary too.

Z

[Elizabeth]

correction: something i wont ever use or allow to define me....

R

Doesn't bringing up at all, allow it to define you? It is now attached to you. You have told the world on a public forum that you were raped. You don't think people are going to look at that and say "she is so brave to move forward with her life, unscathed by this incredibly traumatic event". If it were left unsaid, no one would think to attach it to you. If you don't want it to define you, then don't bring it up, because everything you bring up about yourself defines you, regardless of if people attach stereotypical meanings to such events, that do not alway occur, or not.

Love always,
Elizabeth

haha, i was raped? no, it was an example, mentioning somethin doesnt mean it defines you. ive 'mentioned' dislikeing cheese on chips, but that doesnt define me does it? yeesh, get over it.

Sorry, sometimes how you word things confuses me. I thought you were saying it happened to you, but it would not define who you were. I didn't realize you were just using it as an example. Anyway, sorry about the confusion.

Love always,
Elizabeth

[Hazumu]

My god, Terri, you were a member of a show's post-production team, if I remember rightly.  Once a week, even after 12-hour days, you could see and hear the results of your efforts, and it was right up there with all the other shows.

You'd feel people would value your talent and skill.

Even before I transitioned, I found (even in my own little tiny corner of Corporate Video,) that sometimes other people were chosen by the clients to work on high-viz projects.  I could see I would have done it much better, friends and supporters would see that in comparison to my usual product theirs was a pale, amateurish piece, but the client most times seemed to feel that they had rightly chosen the other over me to produce their video, and that their product was of higher quality than what I could have produced for them.

Quality is in the eye of the beholder...

While a majority of people where I work are supportive-to-celebratory, and some more are stuck at just-tolerant, I do work in a subculture that is highly renowned for its homophobia -- the Department of Defense.  There is no lack of people who would rather not see me at all, ever, doing anything in support of our One Nation Under God.  To them, I MUST lose, in fact, I already have, and am deserving of being treated as less than human.

But, we all know that...

I'm blessed with finally figuring myself out.  When I had my epiphany, I imagined the worst it could be (say, having to live in a town of radical fundevangelists who believed I was a super-->-bleeped-<-got-pedophile, and support myself by dumpster-diving,) and decided that it might be bad, but rarely THAT bad, and that I needed to transition in the face of THOSE odds and possibilities.

I'll suffer random indignities.  I see the stares, the raised eyebrows, and hear the snort-giggles behind my back.  They're rare, but they're there.  And it hurts.  But I just keep on keepin' on.  Sometime I come out agressively to some dunderhead, telling him or her this is a medical condition and that what I'm about to reveal to them is protected by HIPAA privacy, and they can't reveal what I'm about to tell them.

But most of the time, life is much better now that I'm transitioning.

Everybody has to put up with random indignities--

Karen

[melissa90299]

Actually, likes and dislikes are things that define you, minor things when it comes to food , but still part of who you are.


BTW anyone who does not like nachos just may be nuts!  > > >

Rach is British. She means fries. I too hate cheese on fries.

I stand corrected. Anyone who likes cheese on fries is most likely nuts!

[Sheila]

I don't feel either "Blessed" or "Special". I would have liked to have been born in either mode but not to have had to go through what I went through in my life. I had a lot of other crap in my life and this was just one more. I have fought for my sanity and my life and it wasn't a fight that could be dealt with physically but very emotionally. I have to say that I'm a survivor and that my last hurdle was three years ago. I am now complete and all the other emotional baggage that I had, has been tempored. I will never get over some of it, but I do know how to handle it now. So, I am very happy now and in doing so, I only lost a few people. Those, with the exception of my son, I could do without. As far as very intellectually goes, I would be in the minority here. There are a lot of very smart people on this list. I feel very fortunate to be associated with them.
Sheila

[Butterfly]

The process we go through does involve for some people,  heartache, stress, a great deal of hurt and crying and constant negativity about ones life, appearance and how we will be viewed and accepted in society.

Dunno what you mean by "some people".  Everyone that transitions is faced with a number of obstacles, hardships and pain.  I still have to meet a trans-woman or a trans-man who's had a relatively easy transition.  It'd be very selfish on my part to say or think that my transition has been "more" painful than everyone else's.

I feel blessed to be where I am now.  Five years ago my enthusiasm wasn't that positive but now I've come to accept myself with my weaknesses and strengths & I dont fret about them anymore.

Life is what you make of it.  It's up to you to make your own life happy, worthy, special and blessed.

[Teri Anne]

All interesting thoughts...thank you.  I know that self-pity is a form of victimizing myself.  We shouldn't do that.  But bigotry is hard to avoid.  You turn on a television and, given a few hours, there usually is some kind of joke about transgenders or, at the very least, the oh so funny guy in a dress jokes.  This fodder doesn't, even though it's not directed at me personally, make me feel "blessed."  Did "Amos and Andy" make Afro-Americans feel "special?"

They say that "anything that doesn't kill you makes you stronger."  I don't know about that.  Ask the dog who is fearful of people because an owner has beat him...is that dog stronger?  Better?  Special?  Blessed?

Being raped, like someone pointed out, doesn't define that person in any positive way.  I've pondered if transitioning is a form of rape.  Perhaps that's why I stated, in my beginning post, that it made me feel like "damaged goods."  Transitioning can be an interesting process if looked upon philosophically and intellectually.  But it can also mess up your head and your life, no matter that you know you ARE who you are.

Yes, Karen, I did get positive feelings about my editing talents but, in the end, people can be afraid of hiring someone like me.  Does hiring me infer some kind of hidden gender thing about them?  Of course not.  But it's a lot easier to hire someone "normal."  Bigotry goes on in all kinds of ways in society.  I've seen documentaries where handsome/pretty people are hired over average-looking people.  With that going on, is it any wonder that anyone further in the extreme is pushed away a little farther?

You can look positively at anything.  Some people that survived that bridge falling down in Minnesota consider themselves "lucky."  Others would say that the truly lucky weren't there that day.  Yes, "life is what you make of it."  You make your own happiness.  You've just caught me in an introspective day.  If, like some of you, my 21 year relationship had been able to continue, perhaps I'd feel a little luckier today.  Having to tell someone I begin to care about, after some dating, that I have a different past than most and seeing them disappear from my life...that's not a blessing.

Teri Anne

[louise000]

While there are many things about men's behavior that I don't understand, I have pretty much seen how men really behave, and it's nothing like what women think it is. There are a lot of women who have been my friends over the years because I have been willing to violate the "dude code" and give up information about the true nature of men. Women are always asking me, "my boyfriend says this, what does he really mean?". And no matter what he says, the answer is "because he wants to have sex with you", in one way or another. That is his only interest in you. They never believe it, and then later come back and say, "you were right".

Elizabeth

To sum up (in my own opinion): Men are driven by sex, women are driven by love. And do I feel special? No, I feel different and my previous sentence is the reason why.
Louise

[Berliegh]

im with the vain bird on this....

Transexuality is something that happened to me and it doesnt define me, its certainly not something im AT ALL happy about.
if you like this, or are happy about being 'transexual' maybe, just maybe, your nuts....

R

I'm with Rachael on this one......it's never easy being TS and not something to celebrate. But I'm glad I stuck to my guns in not responding to conformity for most of my life but I do think we are born this way, and it's not something that is a fun time trying to eradicate male traits or painlessly trying to locate the right surgeons....

I don't have a 'fairy tale' take on this and the hard reality is that I don't feel special......it's just something I deal with..

[SarahFaceDoom]

not really, im defined by my good bits.
rape victims dont define themselves by being raped... they are women, i define myself as a woman, transexual holds neither specialness, or blessing to me. If you find it a blessing, or special. then you evidently LIKE being trans, which is something i cant comprehend. as its the worst thing thats happened to me.

R

Comparing being transexual to being a rape victim is a tad overly-dramatic, no?

As for whether I feel special or blessed, I don't feel inferior and damned.  By being trans I've got some experiences others will never have, but I've also missed or will miss experiences that others may have.  It's not special or blessed, it's not terrible and horrible, it's just diffrent.

The only reason at all that being trans is the trouble it is, is because of ignorant bigots, and the society they have built around them like some crazy fortress.  If you think about it, at least 80 percent of the horrible things that have happened to you during transition, are not a result of who you are, so much as who THEY are, and their inability to have a better perspective.

Being trans isn't something to be mourned over.  You are who you are.  It's not good, it's not bad.  It just is.

Reading some of the responses here, it makes me question the wisdom of treating transgender people as an affliction.  It can't be good for any of our self-esteems to have what we consider whole, to be labeled damaged.  I wish there was a better way in terms of access for us that didn't involve the labeling of what we are as an illness.

Posted on: August 14, 2007, 04:48:12 AM

To sum up (in my own opinion): Men are driven by sex, women are driven by love.

Yeah.  That's not true at all though.  You might consider re-examining that opinion.

[Pica Pica]

i´ve always felt sort of special. i have no idea why. i think it´s cos i am alive.

[melissa90299]

i´ve always felt sort of special. i have no idea why. i think it´s cos i am alive.

That is a great reason to feel blessed! Not only are you alive but probably have good karma.

Not feeling blessed because you are trans is symptomatic of the victim mentality that I have worked/ am working so hard to shed. And I want to remind everyone that transition was not even possible for those born in earlier generations.


Posted on: August 14, 2007, 08:22:36 AM

  Yes, "life is what you make of it."  You make your own happiness.  You've just caught me in an introspective day.  If, like some of you, my 21 year relationship had been able to continue, perhaps I'd feel a little luckier today.  Having to tell someone I begin to care about, after some dating, that I have a different past than most and seeing them disappear from my life...that's not a blessing.

You also make your own suffering.

How do you know it wasn't a blessing? Maybe had you continued the relationship, it would have brought you more dukha. (suffering) Perhaps, there is something in store for you that is better. Clinging to attachments and karma are the causes of all dukha. It is not the relationship ending that is the cause of your dukha but your clinging to the attachment to it.

[NicholeW.]

Not feeling blessed because you are trans is symptomatic of the victim mentality that I have worked/ am working so hard to shed. And I want to remind everyone that transition was not even possible for those born in earlier generations.

Well, maybe. I recall reading a few years ago at someone´s site about a sister in 15th or 16th century England who was arrested, jailed a short while and fined for impersonating a woman. She was married to a miller, I think, who claimed he never knew.

At the same time she was a tavern maid (?) and married to a woman in her male role as well.

She certainly wouldn´t have had hrt, ffs or srs, but she seemed to have definitely transitioned. For some, perhaps the obstacles are overcome no matter what.

Our perceptions of the possible are different due to the technological possibilities we have now, I imagine.

You also make your own suffering.

In light of your Buddhism and my own influences of same, I agree. At least overall. I would rather state the case a bit differently, but that probably is a difference without a difference.

I find my suffering to be a combination of my reality clashing like a billiard ball with another billiard ball´s reality. Then I insist on perceiving that I am not a billiard ball and forget that the richochet of realities can lead to pain. I believe, consequently, that the other billiard ball is somehow inimical to me.

An illusion, but one I sometimes still cling to, regardless of what I think I know.

Sometimes we peel the onion of ourselves. Sometimes we cry. Sometimes we feel joy in the peeling.

[louise000]

To sum up (in my own opinion): Men are driven by sex, women are driven by love.

Yeah.  That's not true at all though.  You might consider re-examining that opinion.

It's just my opinion, you don't have to share it.  Most of the males I've worked with are thinking about it even if they're not talking about it, it's probably testosterone driven. Many of the women I've known have had their hearts broken when they realised the man only wanted them for sex, because they feel love on another level, I believe. It's a generalisation I know and it may not apply these days anyway, so much has changed since I was young.
I know I've dragged things a bit off topic, sorry.

[Melissa]

I feel blessed about the fact that there was a way for me to finally transition to being a female.  Not being able to do so would have killed me.  As for how I feel about being TS?  Well I don't really feel TS; just female.  I certainly don't take being a girl for granted and I try and live life to it's fullest as a girl now.   Sometimes I just sit back and relish how much better I love having a female life.  So I guess more than anything, I really just feel blessed to be female.

Did you ever notice that most of the people who are proud usually don't pass anyways?  Perhaps they just don't know what they're missing.

Rach is British. She means fries. I too hate cheese on fries.

Right, what we call fries, they call chips.  What we call chips, they call crisps.  I like learning international phrases.

[melissa90299]

Not feeling blessed because you are trans is symptomatic of the victim mentality that I have worked/ am working so hard to shed. And I want to remind everyone that transition was not even possible for those born in earlier generations.

Well, maybe. I recall reading a few years ago at someone´s site about a sister in 15th or 16th century England who was arrested, jailed a short while and fined for impersonating a woman. She was married to a miller, I think, who claimed he never knew.

Of course, we know about the hijras in India but they only castrate themselves. That is probably the closest thing to transition that I am aware from the past.


Transsexuals have existed since time immemorial. But the ability to transition has only been realistically available the last forty years or so and even now (as you well know) the results are not perfect.

[Shana A]

And I want to remind everyone that transition was not even possible for those born in earlier generations.

Complete physical transition wasn't possible, however even in biblical times there were eunuchs and native societies also had what we'd now consider trans people. We've been here throughout human history, finding whatever ways possible to live as our desired genders. Leslie Feinberg's Transgender Warriors is a good trans history book for folks to start with.

Zythyra

[melissa90299]

The sao praphet song (In Thai loosely means another kind of woman) have been around for quite awhile as well. The term kathoey apparently dates back a long time and is now considered a pejorative.

[NicholeW.]

The sao praphet song (In Thai loosely means another kind of woman) have been around for quite awhile as well. The term kathoey apparently dates back a long time and is now considered a pejorative.

Republican has been around for much less time. I consider it pejorative.

If the woman I mentioned above did not transition, what did she do, Nicole?

There are numbers of TSes in this age who do not purchase surgeries or follow hormone regimens. But, many of those are also like you or me: they are TS, real TSes, I believe. (Please excuse the neglect of various other designations within the TG umbrella, I mean no slight, I just do not see that the matter Nicole and I are discussing applies to them.)

Like I said. I have only answers that satisfy me. That seems enough for me right now.

I fail to accept that there have been no women like me and no men similar in respect to gender id as I am before Christine Jorgenson. The fact, for me, is that they transitioned in some recorded cases to the level possible to them. I perceive that as transitioned.

Nichole

[Rachael]

not really, im defined by my good bits.
rape victims dont define themselves by being raped... they are women, i define myself as a woman, transexual holds neither specialness, or blessing to me. If you find it a blessing, or special. then you evidently LIKE being trans, which is something i cant comprehend. as its the worst thing thats happened to me.

R

Comparing being transexual to being a rape victim is a tad overly-dramatic, no?

I dont think so, its a situation forced upon us that we cant control, we have to survive, mental anguish, pain, suffering. and stigma. i think its fine.