How have you defined your sexual orientation?

[awilliams1701]

No. Even if my insurance covers it, I'll still need to pay close to $6000 just in the medical side alone. It cost a lot to come out so while I could afford that, its not ideal at this time. Plus I know most require a year of full time. I've only been out to myself for about 6 months and on hormones for 1 month. I suspect the earliest this will happen is 2016.

My insurance is a lot worse than it used to be. I used to have co-pays on everything so as someone who didn't get sick often it was cheap to both have and use. Now I'm required to pay 100% of my medical costs up to $2000. After that the co-pays kick in to a percentage (35% maybe), however once I reach $6000 out of pocket medical costs, then its supposed to cover everything. I'm not sure what SRS costs, but I suspect its more than $6000, so hitting my cap seems likely.

[DoYouRealize]

Terms, orientations, and identity shifts...

I have a kissing-friend who calls themself a "no-bro-sexual." To them, men and masculinity are fine - but not sexist, posturing frat boy types.

Now that i'm more openly expressing my masculinity, i find that (surprise!) i have a little bit of that frat-boy energy as a part of me! So i flirt with my friend sometimes and they say *maybe some* dudebros aren't so bad... so long as they're queer.

[JulieBlair]

Terms, orientations, and identity shifts...

I have a kissing-friend who calls themself a "no-bro-sexual." To them, men and masculinity are fine - but not sexist, posturing frat boy types.

Now that i'm more openly expressing my masculinity, i find that (surprise!) i have a little bit of that frat-boy energy as a part of me! So i flirt with my friend sometimes and they say *maybe some* dudebros aren't so bad... so long as they're queer.

Lol, I think it sounds like a fun party.

[genderirrelevant]

I'm asexual but would be romantically attracted to males if I wasn't aromantic which maybe partly explains why I didn't really put a non-binary or trans* label on myself for the first few decades. In some vague way I sort of fit the hetero-normative model except I didn't participate in it and wished for an androgynous body. It's really only a few months ago that I discovered there is life outside the binary so I just couldn't conceive of who or what I was.

[makipu]

I don't have a sexuality but I like the male body visually.

[jody2015]

transient. love feeling as a woman with a man

[CHELLIE]

Most of my Life, I had trouble with my sexuality and gender ID and I did not know why, when in High school, I would see a cute Gal and say, wow she is cute, then a Cute guy would walk by and I would say to myself, Wow he is cute, Wait a Minute, where did that come from, looking into my Pants and seeing male genitals, Hmmmmm whats going on here, anyway, I did my best to be a hetro male, Married, had 3 boys and then at age 45, I went through Menopause X 10, I could no longer function as a male, or function at all, I had to go on female hormones and testosterone blockers, that helped, but then 5 years later, my boobs grew out, my face became more fem and my demenor was totally fem and now i was attracted to Guys, I am a M2F ts,  I now live full time female, had a Court Ordered gender and name change, after 10 years living full time female, I thought I was a hetro female, as I am Attracted to Guys Now, then a few Months ago, I was at a local night club, its a gay and straight Friendly Club, and I was attracted to a Gal there, Hmmmmm that got me thinking again about my Sexuality, I think I was attracted to Her Male Gender side,
That confused the heck out of me, then it happened again, whats going on here, So Now, I just say I am Pan gendered and Leave it at that, I am Not going to Worry about it any More Take care, Chellie

[Elis]

I'm just queer  . I'm a tad demi/asexual as I don't see someone and want to have sex with them, but can appreciate that they are attractive. I also find women more sexually and physically attractive than men, but would consider going out with a pre op trans guy. Not sure how I'd feel if he then had bottom surgery. Any other queer people on this forum?

[Tessa James]

I'm just queer  .  Any other queer people on this forum?

Oh heck yes, loads of us queer people here.  I really like that TG/TS people cover the spectrum of orientation.

[melon_lord]

This is such a great topic, haha. I love reading all the answers so far.

When I answer people irl who ask this question, I usually say "pizzasexual" and go on about toppings (interesting reactions are guaranteed). But when I'm not being silly, I just say I'm queer. Queer is more of a social identity for me rather than an orientation, though...I typically feel more closely asexual than anything else, but I find femmeness more sexually attractive (in the rare occasion that I can find people sexually attractive rather than situations) and masculinity more romantically attractive (most of my partners including my current partner have been male-identified). Overall, just really queer.

[Ashey]

Been struggling with this lately.. I'm technically pansexual and poly but I actually kinda resent it more now. I wish I could pick one side or the other, because in this society it's just difficult going from one gender to another and back, or even harder having more than one at a time. I have a boyfriend at the moment and I keep checking out women, longing to be with them again. So, lately I've been leaning more towards being a lesbian. Just thinking about sticking with that label makes me feel oddly warm and fuzzy inside... but then, aside from my boyfriend, I also find myself attracted to the occasional guy here and there. Not just 'oh, he's pretty attractive' but rather I get tingly all over and turned on. It's frustrating for sure. :/ But honestly, I think I could give up men, but can't say the same for women. So I guess that's something. 

[Tessa James]

Been struggling with this lately.. I'm technically pansexual and poly but I actually kinda resent it more now. I wish I could pick one side or the other, because in this society it's just difficult going from one gender to another and back, or even harder having more than one at a time. I have a boyfriend at the moment and I keep checking out women, longing to be with them again. So, lately I've been leaning more towards being a lesbian. Just thinking about sticking with that label makes me feel oddly warm and fuzzy inside... but then, aside from my boyfriend, I also find myself attracted to the occasional guy here and there. Not just 'oh, he's pretty attractive' but rather I get tingly all over and turned on. It's frustrating for sure. :/ But honestly, I think I could give up men, but can't say the same for women. So I guess that's something.

In the past I have felt like it would simply be easier to be in one camp or the other more definitely.  Isn't it possible that some people assume that social identity to end speculation or for the group solidarity and identification with a clear label?  How many people do we know that have been married and intimate with a heterosexual partner for years, created a family and then come out "lesbian or gay"?  Being Bi is sadly like being transgender for some and too often considered part of a lower social stature.  Yes, as ML says I am really Queer too.

[Ashey]

Isn't it possible that some people assume that social identity to end speculation or for the group solidarity and identification with a clear label?

That's why I would choose to label myself a lesbian. Technically, I'll always be pansexual but I'd rather pick a side and try to stick to it. And I suppose there would be more support being a part of the lesbian community and more understanding from everyone else. I honestly don't know if that would make things any easier, but I'll probably try anyway. It's just so difficult right now having a boyfriend but still longing for a girlfriend, and also having little to no support or understanding from people. It'd be one thing if my boyfriend were poly too, but he isn't and I feel like for my own sanity I should choose to have a boyfriend or a girlfriend and stick to that. Of course, I'd probably get a girlfriend and end up missing guys.. But there's just so much stigma attached to polyamory and no understanding about pansexuality, it's very frustrating and makes me feel like a freak really..

[dinkydink13]

A lesbian is someone (exclusive of cis males) that is strictly attracted to women,
So unless you're a cis guy you definitely can identify as a lesbian.


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[Tessa James]

That's why I would choose to label myself a lesbian. Technically, I'll always be pansexual but I'd rather pick a side and try to stick to it. And I suppose there would be more support being a part of the lesbian community and more understanding from everyone else. I honestly don't know if that would make things any easier, but I'll probably try anyway. It's just so difficult right now having a boyfriend but still longing for a girlfriend, and also having little to no support or understanding from people. It'd be one thing if my boyfriend were poly too, but he isn't and I feel like for my own sanity I should choose to have a boyfriend or a girlfriend and stick to that. Of course, I'd probably get a girlfriend and end up missing guys.. But there's just so much stigma attached to polyamory and no understanding about pansexuality, it's very frustrating and makes me feel like a freak really..

Sorry about that freak feeling but it are seems to come with the territory.  We just got a new governor in Oregon, Kate Brown, and one of her claims to fame is that she is the first "openly self identified as bisexual" governor in the US.  She remains married to her male appearing partner so her identity could have remained in the closet.  I now have one more reason to be a proud Oregonian and see the stigma of Bisexual/poly fading into the sunset.  And then I do fly a freak flag whenever it suits me;-)

[ERROR: gender undefined;]

So many fun phrases - gendermushy might be my favorite. 

When watching romantic scenes in movies, I fail to empathize with straight couples and was confused for a long time as to why people liked it so much (Oh great, another kissing scene. Grossssss.) Then I saw a lesbian couple kiss on tv and the icky feeling was gone. Hm. [suspicious]

I prefer "queer" for the same reasons others have mentioned. I objectively identify femininity as more attractive than the male physique, and I'm more comfortable thinking about feminine spectrum intimacy, but I have no desire to act on those impulses. But I'm also in a relationship with a cis-male which is more about loving the individual than the orientation. I'm probably asexual or demisexual as far as drive goes, so pan or bi might not be quite as truthful... Queer is the closest I can get to the truth in one word. I value its ambiguity, instant identification as non-traditional, and almost tip-of-the-iceberg-tease effect it can have:

"Why, yes, yes, I am queer, and no, I may or may not want to go into detail for you if you're a creeper queery-phobe."
(Is what I'd like to say... I get embarrassed talking about love in public.)   

[ritual-object]

I am bi but because of my nonbinary gender, I often feel like I'm gay no matter who I'm with. So I go back and forth. If someone asks me directly what my orientation is, I will tell them that I'm bi, but I refer to myself as gay a lot. I'm kind of iffy about the word "queer" being applied to me because of personal reasons, but I am okay with it if I'm around close friends who I feel like understand me. Sometimes I get kind of self-conscious about my labels seeming like they don't "make sense," but they make sense to me and I appreciate it when the people around me are understanding about it.

[Wild Flower]

As a transwoman Im into males. If I had a choice, bisexual and 6'2+ men.

Bisexual men are best in my opinion.

[Wild Flower]

So many fun phrases - gendermushy might be my favorite. 

When watching romantic scenes in movies, I fail to empathize with straight couples and was confused for a long time as to why people liked it so much (Oh great, another kissing scene. Grossssss.) Then I saw a lesbian couple kiss on tv and the icky feeling was gone. Hm. [suspicious]

I prefer "queer" for the same reasons others have mentioned. I objectively identify femininity as more attractive than the male physique, and I'm more comfortable thinking about feminine spectrum intimacy, but I have no desire to act on those impulses. But I'm also in a relationship with a cis-male which is more about loving the individual than the orientation. I'm probably asexual or demisexual as far as drive goes, so pan or bi might not be quite as truthful... Queer is the closest I can get to the truth in one word. I value its ambiguity, instant identification as non-traditional, and almost tip-of-the-iceberg-tease effect it can have:

"Why, yes, yes, I am queer, and no, I may or may not want to go into detail for you if you're a creeper queery-phobe."
(Is what I'd like to say... I get embarrassed talking about love in public.)   

Wow. That explains why I get mushy for straight kissing versus gay guys... gay guys romance is less amazing to me.

[Tessa James]

So many fun phrases - gendermushy might be my favorite. 


I prefer "queer" for the same reasons others have mentioned. I objectively identify femininity as more attractive than the male physique, and I'm more comfortable thinking about feminine spectrum intimacy, but I have no desire to act on those impulses. But I'm also in a relationship with a cis-male which is more about loving the individual than the orientation. I'm probably asexual or demisexual as far as drive goes, so pan or bi might not be quite as truthful... Queer is the closest I can get to the truth in one word. I value its ambiguity, instant identification as non-traditional, and almost tip-of-the-iceberg-tease effect it can have:

"Why, yes, yes, I am queer, and no, I may or may not want to go into detail for you if you're a creeper queery-phobe."

Love your explanation of Queer.   I was recently at a national college diversity conference and repeatedly referred to myself as transgender and queer.  The squirming and discomfort at hearing those words was palpable with some people crossing their legs, arms and turning away.  Finally one guy said "well i thought that was an offensive term and i'm glad it is ok to use now."  i responded that is somewhat like using the N word for people of color.  We may describe ourself and sometimes each other that way but the truth is that not every one is Ok hearing that from someone else outside of the group.  Language is important and reclaiming once offensive terms like queer and gay is part of integrating ourselves in the larger community and accepting ourselves IMO.