So my wife went from total rejection ("I am straight") to seemingly very supportive ("well I must be bi I guess"). We decided to go ahead with IVF as it was our last chance, and it finally worked.
We said, well let's see how you go and if you no longer find me attractive... We part as friends in best terms, raise our child as friends who love each other.
All good so far.
But the thing is... It is me who has changed. I don't want her any more, all I can see is how self orientated she is, how resentful she is of me and feel like I am suffocating in a toxic atmosphere. At best we are nice to each other, but my heart is just not there.
After a decade of following her, living by her schedule, going through the motions, trying to be a good 'man', I am waking up. But I feel trapped between having been supported for a decade through severe depression, to realising she was both saving me an part of the problem. She alternates between attacking me with personal barbs and saving my life.
I want out. But I utterly need her support and want to see my baby born and bond with him.
To my shame I have become an outrageous flirt during the last month, seeking affection or attention from others and pushing the boundary of my marriage. I just don't get anything from her in that way. I feel empty. I havent cheated, and am morally against it... but the pressure to is immense.
I am just becoming this great person... Someone I can actually respect and yet I am going to break up my marriage to truly be myself... With a baby on the way. How can I have self respect?
Help? Advice? Stories?
