Relationship advice

[bingunginter]

I'm straight guy, attracted to straight girl. I'm also technically mtf trans, means at the moment my appearance is undoubtedly female like. With a new people who don't know me before, they would just assume I'm a woman.
This is where the dilemma comes, often times in social situation I would meet a single girl that caught my interest. Before transition, It was natural and not that difficult, I would just make a friendly approach, then see how it goes.

Now, if I introduce myself as a guy, beside triggering instant awkward situation, most girl will find it turn off I think, if I don't say anything they will assume I'm a woman then I'm not sure how I supposed to approach them.
I'm really considering to detransition because it makes relationship unecesarily difficult and complicated but for now its lower priority because that is difficult too.

[steyraug96]

Well, there are a few things you might be able to get to work with....
Ask around, see if she's Bi. bump into her while looking at pron on the smartphone or tablet....  Of a decidedly T-related type, mind. (tumblr's good for that...)

The direct approach might work, too, especially if you catch her eyes a few times, try to read them...? She might be open to exploring, and decide she likes the "extras." She might like the idea of a BFF with benefits. Or she might shoot you down completely. As long as you don't push it, there shouldn't be an issue. (Same as any guy, if you will. If he won't take "No" for an answer, there's a problem. If he does, she probably moves on without a second thought.)

You can get closer as a girl than a guy with less "threat" perceived. You could also do things that will set you apart, such as dancing with her (as a girl), or suggesting any number of "adventures" that might lead to romance. In essence, the seduction is about the same; you just need to plan it. And don't force it, of course. You'll lose out if you DON'T try; you might lose out if you do. As boy or girl.

An aside, though: Don't allow "one-itis" to seep in there. You write, "often times in social situation I would meet a single girl that caught my interest."  The way that is written, it sounds like you want only THAT ONE GIRL. There are many fish in the ocean; there will be one who wants a "man" like you (Or, a girl like you, but I used man because we're talking de-transitioning.) And it could be a literal thing, too: there are women who can't stand the idea of being with a man, but would jump at someone "in-between."
You miss 100% of the shots you don't take. You just need to decide the setup for taking the shot.

[bingunginter]

thanks for the reply, I'm talking about approaching straight woman because that the type of woman I most likely encounter in daily life,

yes i feel like I can get closer with a woman easier now, I think because they thought I'm a woman so to them its just like woman-woman friendship but then if I do become interested in them, not quite sure what the next step, reveal that i'm actually a guy ? how should I do that ? when should do that ? I do understand sooner or later I have to reveal that because honesty is important in a relationship.

You write, "often times in social situation I would meet a single girl that caught my interest."  The way that is written, it sounds like you want only THAT ONE GIRL. There are many fish in the ocean; there will be one who wants a "man" like you (Or, a girl like you, but I used man because we're talking de-transitioning.) And it could be a literal thing, too: there are women who can't stand the idea of being with a man, but would jump at someone "in-between."

I mean since I'm single right now and my age is not that young anymore (early 30), meeting single girl in around my age would be not be that common, at least in my social circle. So any single girl that reasonably attractive would caught my interest.

[steyraug96]

I would leave the honesty aside at first. Find out if it's even an option with the girls you are interested in. The same patterns will work, research PUA and game, and adjust them slightly - they're directed towards guys, you want to be more subtle (feminine) while seeking the same sort of relationship.

Also, broaden your circle is friends, and add your own activities, too. Maybe some GLBT events would help broaden chances?

Now, you WILL have to tell her you have something extra eventually, IF you're becoming intimate. Let her know before it's THAT close, but you can feel her out, drop hints, talk about things that turn you on, without it being foreplay.

[Dahlia]

How odd, a straight GUY but 'technically' a MTF?

Seems you're very confused?

[bingunginter]

How odd, a straight GUY but 'technically' a MTF?

Seems you're very confused?

Well you get what I mean, I'm biologically man, and also to emphasize that my personality and sexual orientation is no different than other straight guy. I also went through transition process so appearance wise  I don't look like a man anymore.

[steyraug96]

Well you get what I mean, I'm biologically man, and also to emphasize that my personality and sexual orientation is no different than other straight guy. I also went through transition process so appearance wise  I don't look like a man anymore.

So, hopefully I won't be backing any rules with this response...   But it's likely you're stating this badly, or even wrong in what you are saying.

Short version, you're a male lesbian who transitioned, and has kept the original equipment.   Sounds good to me personally.


However, it also means that you are now running an obsolete "operating system," if you'll forgive the analogy.

You can't sit there in a cute dress or skirt, or even t-shirt and jeans, with bra and panties, and say, "I'm a hetero man!" It's logically inconsistent, even allowing for androgynous expression.

You're in the "female" camp now, so unless you go back,  you're asking the wrong questions to get the answers you want.

Turn it sideways.


You are a woman who wants a woman. To use slang, think ->-bleeped-<-. Lesbian relationship, but yours doesn't need straps or batteries, if it works. Then, you'll need to be the dominant personality. That doesn't mean loud and in charge; if means the buck stops with you. Finances? Dog? Children?

Doesn't matter if you're across the country and there was just a nuclear war - YOU are responsible for it all.

Hopefully, that's overly dramatic, but you need to be the take-charge, high-energy woman. Lead. That means from the front.

You can then register as "man" in that sense - right energy type and feel - and still be a woman for all intents and purposes.

But if you think "man" now that you've transitioned,  you've lost before high stated.  Rules of the game changed,  and YOU changed them yourself. 
I understand the issue, I have the same sort of problem, save that I haven't transitioned yet. But same orientation, I love women so much I want to be one.

[JoanneB]

Or... turn the question around even more?

What is really more important to you, in your life, today? Romance? Sex? LTR? Being pursued? Being the pursuer? Or more basic... Living a life you feel is genuine irregardless of what others may think or feel?

As the wise man once said, "Transition aint for weenies"

[bingunginter]

So, hopefully I won't be backing any rules with this response...   But it's likely you're stating this badly, or even wrong in what you are saying.

Short version, you're a male lesbian who transitioned, and has kept the original equipment.   Sounds good to me personally.


However, it also means that you are now running an obsolete "operating system," if you'll forgive the analogy.

You can't sit there in a cute dress or skirt, or even t-shirt and jeans, with bra and panties, and say, "I'm a hetero man!" It's logically inconsistent, even allowing for androgynous expression.

You're in the "female" camp now, so unless you go back,  you're asking the wrong questions to get the answers you want.

Turn it sideways.


You are a woman who wants a woman. To use slang, think ->-bleeped-<-. Lesbian relationship, but yours doesn't need straps or batteries, if it works. Then, you'll need to be the dominant personality. That doesn't mean loud and in charge; if means the buck stops with you. Finances? Dog? Children?

Doesn't matter if you're across the country and there was just a nuclear war - YOU are responsible for it all.

Hopefully, that's overly dramatic, but you need to be the take-charge, high-energy woman. Lead. That means from the front.

You can then register as "man" in that sense - right energy type and feel - and still be a woman for all intents and purposes.

But if you think "man" now that you've transitioned,  you've lost before high stated.  Rules of the game changed,  and YOU changed them yourself. 
I understand the issue, I have the same sort of problem, save that I haven't transitioned yet. But same orientation, I love women so much I want to be one.

I think what you mean is to forgot straight woman and pursue lesbian woman instead. It probably work but right now all woman I am interested in is the typical straight cis woman. So I'm interested in the strategy to approach them now, it wasn't that much of issue before transitioning.

[treeLB]

If it is alright if I ask, what moved you to transition to begin with?

[bingunginter]

If it is alright if I ask, what moved you to transition to begin with?

Its ok but I'm afraid it will distract the thread. Its complicated, started with a fetish coupled with insecurity/lack of confidence as a man, it then made me question my gender also extreme jealousy with woman, and so on.

[big kim]

Every chance you could meet the right girl,glam punk and former Hanoi Rocks frontman Michael Monroe has never had a shortage of girlfriends

[gabimoneratt]

I'd say it's unrealistic of you to think that, having transitioned to female, you can still be seen as a man and thus attract straight women.... I'm sorry, but someone presenting female will only attract lesbian/bi women or straight/bi men... Straight women like the figure and mind of a man
Its kind of a contradiction... Maybe consider acting manly, dressing manly and acting like a guy... Or accept that as a woman you  can't possibly attract straight women. :/
It's like asking to be seen as a woman dressing like a man... It can't work :/

[bingunginter]

I'd say it's unrealistic of you to think that, having transitioned to female, you can still be seen as a man and thus attract straight women

Totally agree, which is suck

[nicole99]

It does not matter your type, colour, creed, physicality, there is likely someone out there who will be into you. You won't increase your chances if you are not true to yourself, or if you are trying to attract a 'type' e.g. straight girl (assuming they are straight, and even then people make exceptions all the time). Case and point, as a pre-op trans woman I had relationships with straight and lesbian women. People are flexible if they are into you.

But for all that there is no reason why you can't be happy on your own, and if you are not then figure out how you can be. Having a partner is not the gold star of life. Plenty of people are desperately unhappy in their relationships. Find a way to be happy without a partner, and then if you do meet someone that you click with then that is just the icing on the cake. But if you don't that is ok. Life can still be absolutely full and good and it is worth living.

If you like this girl, suck it up and tell her you are interested in her. There is no magic formula, no trickery needed. If she likes you cool. If not that is ok.