Well I have been busy.. but wanted to take a moment to write on Susan's.. so hello Sisters.. hope everyone has a good Thanksgiving next week. This is my longest post but it does show kind of what's been going on.. so hard to believe its only been 11 months since I started HRT.. seems like longer for some reason.
Anyway I am flying to Boston next Tuesday to see Dr. Spiegel.. for a consult even though everyone including my soon to be ex wife says its a waist of time. I want a little lift anyway.
I got my ears pierced.. a few days ago.. I just had to do it so I did it.
When I told my buddy from High School I was doing it he said.. "Are you doing both" and I was like seriously dude girls do both... I think he is still hanging on to his buddy.
My hair is getting long and in front passes my nose. yea! I have to wear a head band to keep out of my eyes sometimes..
My chest is a little out of control. I used to be able to not wear a bra and hid them better.. now without a bra they really show about the same or more.
Its weird but I refuse to bind.. even though I should .. I just wear dark clothes.
I get stared at all the time now at the store.. I look totally like a chick from a distance for sure.. but closer up you can see my shadow above my lip
I go for a third full clearing Dec 4th and I can't wait.. I think my shadow is worse above the upper lip than before doing the clearings.. even though I have less wiskers.. just seems they are really black or something.. I even used tanning stuff and they still show.. Its very upsetting..
Got my teeth whitened .. wow what a difference.. The dental girls.. there are three of them are all so cute and nice and want me to go to lunch with them.. they treat me as a chick totally and we talk about girl stuff and guys.. its wonderful.
I really pushed the limits at the store the other day... with clothing and I did not care.. I had a black over jacket with sparkles.. and a hood attached that is bad ass.. cute and fits me nicely.. I did notice one reaction from a lady who noticed me and she got closer acting like she was looking at something.. .. I could tell she was trying to figure me out.
I saw her kind of laugh to herself. It kind of bothered me for a moment but my wife said I am totally hot compared to her.. and that she was most likely just jealous or full of herself.
One of the girls at the pharmacy saw I was in the store and sought us out to talk... She wanted to know if I went tanning and I told her about the tanning stuff I bought.. she liked it and said I look natural.
My daughter has done a complete 180 on me and loves me totally and wants kids to be around me... she has 4. Yesterday she said she was amazed that her dad could have softer nicer looking hair than her.. cracked me up.. she called me a B#@$#th..
Lets see.. this morning I had a meeting with a business I do business with to tell them.. I had not been around in a long time and when I called I told them they would not know me that I had changed and lost a ton of weight.. and they said we will know you dude..
Well when I walked in they all just looked stunned and said they would never had known me If I had not told them I was on the way.
There were three women and one man in the meeting. I think they thought maybe I was telling them I was gay.. but I told them the good news is.. I am not gay I am just trans.
Again I got called a B#@#$th by two of the younger women that are sisters.. but it was their way of telling me I look good. They said not fair that a dude could become a woman and look younger and attractive compared to them.. they blamed it on years of periods and putting up with me..
So its been an eventful few weeks. I promise one day I will post astonishing before and after pics.. but I still have an issue with how I look no matter how many people tell me I look more like a chick now. I will have to go full time by February.. and when I get hair extensions they will be doing make up and before and after shots so I will post those.
Hopefully my shadow will be gone by then...
I am totally chicking out.. becoming my real self and its so wonderful. The bad thing is I act like a 17 year old half the time but I am just so happy now.. I love everything about being a woman.. even though Its a hassle to be a chick.. but so worth it.
A very strange thing happened to me last few days.. since I was transferring video and pics my wife wants of me as a dude.. I saw myself and became emotional missing myself.. I saw myself as a totally different person.. just someone I knew and miss. I realized and felt the pain my wife, friends and family must feel for losing the male I was.
Even stranger as a dude I never liked getting my pic taken and did not like the way I looked at all.. Now when I see the old me I realize I was a good looking guy.. but I am looking at me from a female point of view now. I actually really got sad for the old me almost as if I was mourning myself.. so weird but I was a super nice cool fun dude.. however I never was really a dude.. so ugh.. this whole transition thing has so many twists and turns.. but I love it and will not turn back.. just not even possible.
Take care,
Carrie
