relapsed to si again.. =[ (Trigger warning)

[crystals]

had a rather genderly traumatic experience yesterday and i relapsed back to self harming tendency's im used to have for like a year now wich i was trying to avoid doing.. and well the area affected by the mass self harming feeling i had now looks like a post war zone with a lot of soreness swelling and red and visible cuts
i expected to be feeling ok afterwards but now 24 hours after im feeling even worse and feels like giving up.. no power to continue living in this life

[stephaniec]

time for a trip to the ER

[Athena]

Don't go it alone, get help.

[crystals]

not sure if its ironic im working in a hospital..
im trying to.. not realy working out for me

[stephaniec]

get yourself into the PHP at the hospital(partial hospitalization program )

[crystals]

[wonders if it has any and if it does if i should actualy go and get myself hospitalised for continualised self harm.. wich just happend to relapse and takes me down with it] [guess what i just said proves i probably should]

[Devlyn]

Big hug! We want you around, hon. Do you want to share what it was? I understand if you don't. We're here for you.

Hugs, Devlyn

[stephaniec]

it's a great program it saved my life

[crystals]

[wonders if it has any and if it does if i should actualy go and get myself hospitalised for continualised self harm.. wich just happend to relapse and takes me down with it] [guess what i just said proves i probably should]

does any rather major/half decent hospital supposed to have that program?
i do somewhat want help but keeps keeping myself out of it believing whatever help i might have coming wont be for the root of the problem but to the actual fact im self injuring and that will only temporarily help

and devlyn some male based urges strong enough jumped on me.. feels bad enoufgh to do it once.. but it was twice in a few hours.. afterwards i felt like ive gone mad and i just started harming and then crying on my bed into my pillow
soonest i can get hrt again is like 4-7 months from now and i cant see how im going to survive so long without losing my sanity with a dysphoria strength i describe as reaaly realy strong and never leaving[im talking never ending as all day every minute non stop]

[crystals]

can you describe this ph program stephaniec please? what is it like whats the goals of the program and what does it entail?

[Ms Grace]

Hugs. My guess as to why the self harm didn't help to make you feel better again is because it is not really a solution to deal with your feelings. Harming doesn't make the pain go away it is just an attempt to replace it with something more painful. As people are saying above, please get support, get help from someone/somewhere that is able to assist you to deal with the pain in a positive less self destructive way.

[stephaniec]

First, I believe most major hospitals have the program or can point you in the right direction. what happened to me was I came to the end of the line and went to the ER and was told of the program. it's an  out patient program within the hospital with psychiatrists and social workers. you spend the morning and afternoon in group  therapy and various group activities. they teach you methods to cope. it's usually a 6 week program or according to your needs. I highly recommend it

[crystals]

would they be able to help me even if the main reason im depressed and distressed is because im not feeling content with my body? that i hate it? i read they mostly simply work against mental illnesses and depression..
would there be any real help coming along from it to help me make it through alive enofgh to get hrt again?

[Jaz650]

You must seek help. I used to self harm, and honestly without the coping skills I have now, I didn't live a fulfilling life.

[Jaz650]

Sometimes psychiatric hospitalizations are the key to recovery. You get what your body has been asking for: a three day vacation at least, medications, and food. Other options are a crisis home with great food, meds, exercise, new friends. Another option is out patient treatments as described above, great groups, medication, meditation, new friends. Either way you must seek help. First and foremost, if you feel like harming yourself you must go to the Emergency Room, trust me it's not bad, it's relaxing. If you feel so in danger you can't make it to the ER call an ambulance. God bless you.

[stephaniec]

would they be able to help me even if the main reason im depressed and distressed is because im not feeling content with my body? that i hate it? i read they mostly simply work against mental illnesses and depression..
would there be any real help coming along from it to help me make it through alive enofgh to get hrt again?

yes. self harm, depression, suicide no matter what the cause

[stephaniec]

yes. self harm, depression, suicide no matter what the cause

that's why I started HRT

[crystals]

thanks i guess i will try to look into that

[stephaniec]

thanks i guess i will try to look into that

good luck, it helped me

[Dread_Faery]

On the practical side of self harm are you sterilising your blades and the wounds?