How does "soul searching" work?

[redhot1]

People tell me that in order to figure out about myself i need to do some soul searching. That's all good, but in struggling with how the process works in practice. Can anyone help explain it to me? Sounds to profound to me.

[Jo-is-amazing]

What do you want to find? 
If you're trying to work out of your trans* or not you almost certainty fall somewhere on the spectrum. Cis pepeople don't question their gender.

For me it was a matter of exploring myself and analysing myself based on evidence. I listed my reasons for and against and my for reasons won out

Hope that helps

[Beth Andrea]

It means different things to different people...for me, it means to consider a thing (like, transition) more than superficially.

I might daydream about getting a marvelous FFS procedure and I'm so hot, all the girls line up to date me..."soul searching" would be asking myself, "But what if FFS actually damages my face? Would I still be able to be my vision of a woman, or would I wish I'd kept my original face?" If I reject transitioning because I must have a beautiful face, then perhaps transitioning isn't for me...

This model holds for all aspects of a life--family, friends, self-identity, sexuality, genitals (or lack thereof), appearances, healthy -v- handicapped (perhaps due to a surgical error), going overseas and limited legal representation...

What if?

Figure out all the aspects transitioning, prioritize them (must have, nice to have, ok when/if I can, etc) and then weigh everything in your mind...sometimes people *think* they must transition until they realize--in their heart--that the cost is too dear.

There is no right or wrong resolution to the question of soul-searching...it's for you and you alone to consider the costs versus benefits.

Hope this helps. 

[redhot1]

I'm just concerned because it all began with curiosity. I never really questioned anything up to that point. Stupid i know. I don't think it's that serious (yet) and i sometimes do say in my head that when i think of a beautiful girl i want to be like them.

[Beth Andrea]

That's my first memory of wanting to be a girl...curiosity. The more I did, the more I wanted.

Of course, back then (this was just after rocks were invented) transitioning was *gasps* unheard of! Only HOMO-seks'shals were known, and despised.

And yet my unease doing "guy things" with or without other guys persisted. I knew I didn't fit well in the world of men...in fact, I didn't fit at all. But I did fit very well in the world of lesbians (as opposed to fitting in with straight women, which might have suggested an oedipus complex, which is another matter entirely).

Finally, after 47 years of trying, I felt, actually felt, my male "self" shattering and I--the female, Beth--came out. I was the one who did the soul-searching for us, keeping in mind to "first do no harm" to others or myself. In my case, the choice was really only between two things: suicide, or transition. Being male was no longer an option for me.

[suzifrommd]

People tell me that in order to figure out about myself i need to do some soul searching. That's all good, but in struggling with how the process works in practice. Can anyone help explain it to me? Sounds to profound to me.

I spent a lot of time thinking about it and writing about it. Having a blog really helped.

Once I was certain I was trans, the next step was what I would do about it. As the lure of transitioning became stronger, I began to plan to go out into the world as my female self to see how that felt. That was very important and helpful.

Some people find a really good gender therapist is important.

[JoanneB]

For me "Soul" is the essence of what makes you you. What you believe, what you dream. Even aspects what you may not even be aware, today. "Soul Searching" is a process of sorting that all out. As you go through live you grow, you change. Things that make you you tend to stay fixed. When soul searching you examine it all. What is truely important? It goes far beyond one thing like being trans. All your life is tied together. Believe me, you cannot separate or compartmentalize aspects of it. Everything affects the other.

All while you grow and change

The hardest part is stopping the noise. All those little things and the big things you do just so you need to operate on auto-pilot. Having too much free time. Having too much quality time alone. Opening your mind to other possiblities, other ways of viewing your life and the world around you. Self help books help. They are all different. Some you pick up and it's like WTF? Others hit you immediately where you live and breath. Others may intrigue you, making you read more.

Being TG starts with thinking "I really enjoy it when...." Where those thoughts lead to is your and your alone. Where any one particular road ends is up to you. There are only generalities, trends, percentages that help define in some way this random universe. No rules except what works for you today to keep your life  in balance

[Trying to be me]

For me it's a mix of things, some of which the others have already said.

First I started dressing more masculine and seeing how I felt about that.(I was born female). Imagining transition is another thing. I am gender fluid so full transition is not something I want, at least right now. The thought of going on T, however, is appealing. A therapist, if you can afford it, is a great idea. They can hear all your confused ramblings and help you make sense of it. I have only had one session with my therapist but I think he'll really be able to help. His speciality is gender related issues so I know he knows what he's talking about.

[PinkCloud]

I agree, plus:

Get out of your comfort zone. Go places where you can see the horizon for miles, walk along a beach, alone, stare at the waves crashing on a cliff, alone, be alone with yourself. Mull over those feelings, stare at a sunset, lay beneath a sky full of stars, dream a bit, let thoughts go, go within. Visit the place you grew up, connect the dots, feel, deep, listen to your feelings, that voice, that spark which might ignite into an uncontrollable firestorm of emotion and happiness... do not be afraid, let it consume, let go, and answer: who are you?

[Rachel]

What makes you happy, sad or excited?
What do you want, if you could have 1 wish?
Can you forgive yourself? What would you forgive yourself of?
If you had 30 days to live what would you do?
Dream of what can be, what was it?
What do you fear and can you concur that fear? Why not or why can you?

If you can be yourself and pass would you?

If you could not pass would you still transition? If someone laughed at you, lost your family and friends, talked behind your back or marginalized you, ignored you, would not hire you will you be able to hold your head up and be able to believe in yourself.

[darkblade]

I was asking myself the same question a while ago myself, how do I go about asking myself this question of who I am? I think the answer is just letting yourself loose from whatever societal expectations (or any other kind expectations you or others have for who you should be) and just go with your gut instinct. But then, that's not as easy as it sounds. That's what I'm trying to do these days, just going with whatever I feel like I want to do. When I see an opportunity to challenge what I feel I'm "supposed" to be doing or acting like, I take it. And then I reflect on how that made me feel. Good, bad, neutral? And I go from there. It's kind of fun.

One therapist I met with told me that I'm too early to even think about transition yet (and at that time I agreed) because I wasn't sure of who I was. He told me to go out more, socialize more, make sure I have a solid "personality" (which I interpret as having a solid perception of myself as a person). I'm trying to work on that too, I think the social aspect is as important as looking inwards. I'm trying to make up for the fact that I've spent the last few years pretty much in isolation from everyone else, and I think just being around people more is helpful. I've also started keeping a diary to just put my thoughts down on paper, lots of my thoughts change by the day so I find it useful to keep track of where I'm at as opposed to a week ago, for example.

But basically I would say take every opportunity to get out of your comfort zone and just try stuff out. I think the hardest part of this is removing the societal aspect from everything you feel and do. I'm having trouble figuring out whether "I am a guy" as opposed to feeling very strongly that "I want to be a guy," and I guess this comes down to being forced to fit into a certain role for so long that trying to answer some questions just messes with everything you think you've known about yourself.

[Susan522]

Start with a simple question:  "Who am I?"  Then...move on.  Who do I want to become?   How will I get there?  What must I do to get there?  Where do I start?

[androgynouspainter26]

Try doing it in an orderly fashion...set aside some time, half an hour let's say, and find a secluded room.  Silent, no interruptions...a place where you can easily be present yourself.  If you think visually, it might be good to have a notebook.  For me, I find it easier to have nothing but myself.  Once you are in this place, set a timer, so you won't be tempted to check the clock, and then begin to ask yourself these questions, while being present to nothing but your own thoughts: What gender would you be in a perfect world?  Who do you want to be, in a broader sense?  What can you do now?  What would you like to do?

It might be easy to begin by compiling a list of facts about who you are.   Start with your name, age.  Then keep listing things that are facts about who you are (and not what your experiences are, or what you judge yourself to be).  Personally, I found that approach very effective as I could gradually become more and more present with myself.  The most important thing though, and the reason I love this meditative approach, is that you always stay present nd focused on your own thoughts; welcome, don't try to block anything away, but don't invite anything either.  Hopefully this doesn't sound like absolute new-age cow excrement, but if you're familiar with meditation you understand what I'm trying to say.  Give it a shot-it really has helped me, a lot.  Hopefully, it can do the same for you.  And one last thing...when you're there looking inwards, don't let yourself feel fear.  Fear of yourself is a pointless thing, and an incredibly harmful one.