A brand new bathroom fer lil' ol' me?

[HelenW]

     I was less than pleasantly surprised yesterday to see a brand new single stall restroom being built right next to the Ladies restroom that is nearest to where I work.  While this option was discussed as a possibility when I met with HR I wasn't really informed, nor have I been (yet), but it seems plain that this is being built for my benefit and that I will be asked to use this bathroom exclusively once I come out on September 4th.

   I know I don't have any leg to stand on regarding this issue, I have to do what they want me to in the long run.  I do wonder if I should preemptively send them a note telling them of my disappointment over the real possibility of being segregated from the rest of the women at work in that way or if I should just keep my mouth shut and live with it for the first two or three months and then ask for a reconsideration of the policy.

The current Ladies Room in that spot is woefully inadequate and there is a real need for an expansion of the facilities and I'm sure I wouldn't be the only person using it but I'd be the only person asked to limit themselves to that room only.  Any other woman will have a choice.

I'm pretty unhappy about it but resigned to my fate.  Of course, I could be wrong and that single stall could be for the people who express discomfort at my being in the Ladies room with them.  Maybe. . . 

hugs & smiles
Emelye

[Sarah Louise]

It is hard to say, I do know that here in Southern California the malls have a "family restroom" next to the women's restroom.  It is a single large room.

Sarah L.

[Nero]

Jim Crow 

[Sarah Louise]

You lost me with that one Nero, I guess I am just dense.

Sarah L.

[Pica Pica]

Jim Crow, a name given to segregation laws of blacks.

[Nero]

I thought you were English, Pica.

[Pica Pica]

english and well read 

[Krisstina]

Yes well I have to say that truly is a bummer but what can you do. Only you would know the right move to make now or later but I would let them get used to me then ask them to change their policy.

Also don't forget you have come a long ways and this is just a small kink in a life long plan and there ismuch to be happy about!!



Good luck
Kristina

[Kate]

A similar thing happened to me when I told management of my plans. They were already planning to renovate an old bathroom, making it into the new women's room and then using the old women's room as a Unisex room for guests. When I came out, they quickly finished the new women's room and designated the old one as Unisex for MY use... and anyone else who dared to use it, lol. Both rooms are single-stall.

It kinda hurt me at the time, but I realized management was just covering all the bases, just in case someone had a problem. It's their problem to worry about such things...

In the end though, the so-called "Unisex" room is still only used by me and the girls in my end of the office. No one ended up having a problem with it. The men all still walk PAST the "Unisex" room and use the Men's room as before.

Point being, it might just be a temporary thing. Once people get used to everything, and management sees no one is uncomfortable, things may change.

~Kate~

[Dennis]

We had a unisex room in our office. Happened before I transitioned, but the expectation was that I would use it. Which I was fine with for 6 months, but when it was full, I'd just go to the men's room. Nobody had an issue with it, as it turned out. I still preferred the unisex room as long as I worked there. Having been in both the men's and the women's rooms there, I couldn't figure out why anyone would prefer either of them over the nice, new, clean bathroom. *shrug*

It's kind of insulting, the initial assumption by management, but once things have settled down you'll probably find that nobody cares what bathroom you use, and that all of the women are using the unisex room as well.

Dennis

[J.T.]

oh that's frustrating, and a little too obvious.  But hopefully what Dennis said is true.

[mallard500]

My workplace had two single stall bathrooms in the back section of the building, off the main floor, marked womens and mens, of course.  We also had two sets of large multi-stall mens & womens on either side of the main floor.  (Call Center, about 800 people...)

When a fellow Supervisor and I informed management of our plans to 'come out' (me as FTM and my friend as MTF), we discussed this.  I was actually the one who suggested that we make BOTH of the single stall restrooms unisex - I'm a very firm believer in the concept, and some women had long been using the mens room anyway when there was a line for the womens, (myself often setting the example!     ).

We also had agents who were new mothers and needed a place to breast pump - making the single rooms unisexual freed things up for them as well.  Everyone - male & female - without regard is now freely using the two single rooms.

I'm the only Transperson who uses the unisex rooms exclusively, and that was by my own agreement.  My fellow Supervisor had her name legally changed, and company policy says you use the bathroom that matches your legal name. Since I haven't been able to do that yet, I agreed to the idea.

In addition, I knew that while 99% of the women at work have no problem with our MTFs, that there might be some very awkward moments for the men if I started using the mens bathrooms.  As I'm in management, I didn't want to expose the company to any liability since my legal name is still female.  So until I get it changed (long story, don't ask...), I'm in "no-mans or womans land."   

While it could be viewed as degrading and Jim Crow like, I think it largely depends on why its done, and how its handled.  In my case, it's fine, and has proved an improvement for everyone.  The more work places that do unisex bathrooms, the more commonly they'll be used and accepted.  Eventually, I see the unisex or "Family-room" concept becoming very common, and I think it's a good thing personally.

Hopefully Emelye, it won't turn out to be your own 'private' bathroom; in fact, I'd be very surprised if other women at your work don't start using it frequently. I just hope that your management presents it with some positive energy and delicacy, rather than as a stigma.

Please keep us up to date, and good luck!


Scott

[Jeannette]

That's just the biggest load of tripe I've ever heard.  Sorry.  Why a "special" toilet?  don't they get that you're a woman that should use the ladies toilet?  Doesnt the government protect transgendered ppl in America?

[mallard500]

That's just the biggest load of tripe I've ever heard.  Sorry.  Why a "special" toilet?  don't they get that you're a woman that should use the ladies toilet?  Doesnt the government protect transgendered ppl in America?

Actually, no... not as a uniform concept; it depends totally on where you live.  I'm fortunete enough for example to live in a place where there are City and County laws protecting transfolk, and the state recently passed one as well.  However, many places don't have such protection, nor do all workplaces - yet.

There's been federal legislation proposed (Anti-Hate Crime bills) that include transfolk, but I don't look for any of those to pass for at least another 4 years, if not more.

It's sad, but true.  While not in last place, the US is certainly not one of the worlds leaders in such areas either.   

Scott

[Ell]

That's just the biggest load of tripe I've ever heard.  Sorry.  Why a "special" toilet?  don't they get that you're a woman that should use the ladies toilet?  Doesnt the government protect transgendered ppl in America?

i agree. it's just heartbreaking. it's one more alienation to add to all the other humiliation. however, most girls don't take pleasure in just walking down the hall in their girl clothes. i do. it's like i'm taking pleasure in...breathing. and you know they can't just allow people to be walking around in a peaceful and relaxed state of mind. it might make everybody else look like...inmates. 

[tekla]

Though it might be well described as hokey, I somehow doubt it heartbreaking, unless you had your heart set on going to the bathroom with other people.  I think Jim Crow is a long way from this.  Jim Crow was never equal, this is.

I work at one place that only has one bathroom, and we all use it, to no obvious problem.  But we are theater types, and are used to undressing in front of other people. 

[Wing Walker]

     I was less than pleasantly surprised yesterday to see a brand new single stall restroom being built right next to the Ladies restroom that is nearest to where I work.  While this option was discussed as a possibility when I met with HR I wasn't really informed, nor have I been (yet), but it seems plain that this is being built for my benefit and that I will be asked to use this bathroom exclusively once I come out on September 4th.

   I know I don't have any leg to stand on regarding this issue, I have to do what they want me to in the long run.  I do wonder if I should preemptively send them a note telling them of my disappointment over the real possibility of being segregated from the rest of the women at work in that way or if I should just keep my mouth shut and live with it for the first two or three months and then ask for a reconsideration of the policy.

The current Ladies Room in that spot is woefully inadequate and there is a real need for an expansion of the facilities and I'm sure I wouldn't be the only person using it but I'd be the only person asked to limit themselves to that room only.  Any other woman will have a choice.

I'm pretty unhappy about it but resigned to my fate.  Of course, I could be wrong and that single stall could be for the people who express discomfort at my being in the Ladies room with them.  Maybe. . . 

hugs & smiles
Emelye

Hi, Emelye,

I have lots of experience in this area. 

When that new pissoir is finished and you start using it, everyone who hears the door close will know it's you in there.  Why should you be singled out for such recognition?

Separate but equal is never equal.  I cannot recall who said that but it is so true.

When the new potty is done it will cause resentment among the other women in your workplace.  Someone has worked for x-years and they don't even get a good raise and here you get a private privy.

Find a labor relations lawyer, especially one who deals in gender issues. 

This stunt might be part of a well-thought-out plan by your HR folks to ease you toward the door.  Transsexual people receive more attention from HR departments and HR consultants than we know.

Wing Walker

[tekla]

The Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, among others said that, but that was a very different situation.   And a very different time and place.  Anyone can use the "family bathroom" or the "unisex" deal.  Nobody checks on the first, and the second is assumed.

All the company has to prove is 'reasonable accommodation' - otherwise they are pretty much off the hook.  Give a chance (not possible for most of the peeeps who work in third world conditions to make your fashions by the way - and that means that your wardrobe is made in the USA or Europe by union employers and that you are not buying stuff made in sweatshops so you can save fifty cents per panty? - and yes, all my clothing is made in the USA by union workers or like by American Apparel out of L.A. which gives its workers a decent wage then....  well, who are you to talk exactly?) to take a bathroom break, and given a bathroom to use, what's the problem.  Or are you really hung up on bathrooms and not the work itself?

[Ell]

Though it might be well described as hokey, I somehow doubt it heartbreaking, unless you had your heart set on going to the bathroom with other people.

that's just rude, ok?

it makes me feel very very sad (can i have that feeling about it? or you going to attack that too?) that Emelye and Kate are singled out as somehow inferior to other females they work with, such that they can't even use the same restroom. Meanwhile, Hypatia has full privileges of using the women's restroom, as an equal.

-ell 

[HelenW]

Well, here it is four months later.  I went full time on Sept. 4th.  Since then I used the single stall exclusively, as requested.

It has essentially become my personal bathroom.  In all this time I had to wait for it only once.  Either I am the only person using it or everyone else who does takes their paper towels with them.

The bad part is that it sets me apart, makes me a non-member of either gender.  It has made my "otherness" official company policy, so to speak.  That's the way it's not equal.  The good part is that it's clean, neat and I don't have to put up with other people's noises and smells.  On the other hand, I miss out on the socializing that goes on in the ladies room.

I've decided that I will not make this an issue any time soon.  More and more I'm coming to the conclusion that my time at this company will be over sooner rather than later and the trouble is just not worth it.  Their HR department turns out to be more bigoted and discriminatory than supportive.  One of the people with whom I am supposed to work the closest is a transphobe who's life's purpose seems to have become to make me look bad enough, often enough, so I lose my job (she's the person who outed me in the first place).  I've taken that issue to our supervisor and have little hope anything substantive will change anytime soon.

This fight would just not be worth the efforts.  So I'll use my nice little bathroom and move on when I'm ready.

hugs & smiles
Emelye