Transition in the open

[Stevie]

  I know everyone's transition is a personal experience. Some of you must of have transitioned out in the open.  I am doing that now in my mid fifties.
After years of trying to cope and being miserable I weighed over 380lbs. Clearly I was on my way out of here soon. I have lost 150 lbs since my self acceptance and plan on losing about 50 more. I have been progressing on my transition as I reduce my weight. My wardrobe now is completely female; I have been getting electrolysis, and started seeing a therapist. I am done hiding from myself and everyone else, and have gone full time even though I only pass maybe half of the time.
  The company I work for has less than twenty people and I have worked with some of them for many years, it is my hope that they will all just get accustomed to me as I transition. I have told my boss and few others, and if anyone were to ask me I would tell them, but as small as we are I am sure everyone knows so far everything has gone well. 
  I would like to hear from others who have been open with their metamorphosis.

Stevie

[Jessica Merriman]

Hello! I live in a town of 2,500 where I have lived my whole life (I started at age 47). I transitioned in the open and have had zero issue's or problems. People seem to accept or just be content to let others live their lives. I had a very high profile career (public safety) so this added to the whole coming out and transition. I have not received any hate mail, discrimination or judgment. People just seem more accepting these days as education is more available. This is my personal experience.

[jeminajay]

I really really like to do transitioning in the open. but am afraid the family especially wife will lose face.
I used to be a public figure in my country so it is very very difficult.

But sooner or later, I will do it.

[Stevie]

 I was scared and worried how people would respond, but I have been surprised at how most people don't even care.

[Cindy]

I was scared and worried how people would respond, but I have been surprised at how most people don't even care.

So very true!

[darkblade]

Were you guys expecting a different reaction and were instead surprised by acceptance?

I can't ever see me transitioning in my society and being accepted. If anything, I'd probably be shunned by everyone but a handful of friends (hopefully!) In my mind, the best realistic scenario would involve my parents being accepting but asking me to live elsewhere..

[PucksWaywardSon]

I'm only just starting to transition and I'm in the process of applying to drama school sooooo I guess you could say mine could potentially be VERY open eventually! I'd be lying if I said that's not going to be massively intimidating, but looking at people like AJ Adams and Laverne Cox are turning out to be pretty good role models for how to do it right. It would be very easy to just say nope, this new discovery makes my plans to train as an actor unreasonable, but my acting is as much a part of my identity as my gender is, and giving up one at the cost of the other makes no sense.

Transitioning in public means more people will see that it's one more way people can change, which is surely a good thing in the long run for visibility... doesn't make it any less scary to do for yourself though!

[suzifrommd]

I'm a public school teacher, teaching in the same school for 14 years. Last year I transitioned on the job and expected all sorts of pushback. Even my union warned me to brace myself for flack from my administration, the parents, the students, even the press.

In reality, nothing. Not one peep out of anyone. Everyone is accepting and friendly (though there are one or two colleagues who are quieter around me than they used to be). My students adapted quickly, as did their parents. It's been a breeze.

If you want to read the details, I kept a diary here: https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,131762.0.html

Good luck Stevie. I hope it goes as well for you as it did for me.

[Amy The Bookworm]

I'm actually trying to keep things relatively quiet and private. However, after 1 and a half months on HRT, I'm already being red as a woman by every other person I come across (who don't know me), even though I'm in full on guy mode. I've lost about 125~130 pounds (started at 250 down to between 175/170 ... Keeps going up and down, but gradually down.) I've grown my hair for nearly a year and a half, though I don't style it particularly feminine in public, and I've had 4 rounds of laser hair removal (...I need more, but it is a lot easier to cover with makeup now when home alone. I pray what I've removed so far doesn't come back! Does starting HRT help with that? or is it just pure dumb luck?), and I've done quite a bit of voice therapy, which is becoming more and more my default voice rather than something I have to think about ... so I sometimes go back and forth in conversation without realizing it. Helps that I have a fairly soft quiet voice to begin with. I have very few women's clothing at the moment. So, I tend to dress in my old (2 years old or older) paint splotched (i'm an artist) large (I've lost 130 pounds since I did a major clothes replacement run...), worn men's clothing.

Despite all that, I'm red as woman or people are openly confused about my gender despite trying to present as a man due to my wife's worry about her family (who are local) and that I haven't come out in college to students yet (I'm almost 34, but I'm going to college full time and am the stay at home parent for the moment).

When I'm red as a woman, it makes me happy. But because that's not a regular occorance (only about 50% of the time among people who don't know me) I'm unsure that I pass just yet. And most people not in the know that know me haven't noticed (or said) anything yet.

I'm now starting to think it's just not possible to fully transition privately behind closed doors. Or it's not for me.

[Rachel]

Hi Stevie,

I have been on HRT 18 months and I am out to 12 or so people at work. I had to come out to Occupational health two weeks ago and I just sent a detailed e-mail to a Senior Benefits Analyst requesting the written text for out health coverage, for transition purposes. We have 20,000 employees and I am a Senior Director.

I had to use a different shirt Friday as if I wore the one I first picked my chest would be obvious even with a sports bra on. Well this Friday I am wearing that shirt. We have a pink shirt Friday

My hair is below my ears and below my collar. I only had one security Director Harass me several time in the cafeteria and three times at out weekly construction meeting. I asked him (prior to the meeting). "What is wrong with my hair, I like my hair, leave me alone". He blushed and  never mentioned it again.

[Eva Marie]

I transitioned at a job where I had only worked a couple of years. The company is relatively small with 50-60 employees, so everyone in the company knows. Also, my industry is quite small so everyone either knows or knows of everyone else in the same industry so i'm quite sure the news of me has made the rounds. The cat is definitely way out of the bag and has dragged the bag away 

I knew this was going to be the case going in and I steeled myself for whatever happened, which turned out to be pretty much nothing. There was a lot of curiosity for the first week or so, but after everyone saw that I wasn't coming in dressed like Ru Paul it was pretty quickly back to business as usual. Some of the guys now seem to try to avoid me or not talk to me, but the women have been extremely supportive of me. About what I expected to happen.

I had the full support of the management of my company, and the company brought in a therapist to present information in a company wide meeting prior to me coming back to work as Eva so everyone understood the dos and the donts. The CEO made it clear to everyone that any unprofessional behavior would not be tolerated. To my knowledge there has been none, and my friends at work tell me that they have not seen any either.

I could not have asked for a better coming out experience, being very visible in a small industry.

[Beth Andrea]

When I came out (and even before) I knew I had to be open about it...it's just how I am (I could never be a spy, for much the same reason).

My main concern was what certain religious individuals would react...and although there were a couple who LET ME KNOW how they felt, most were very passive about their feelings.

Also, at first men were the ones who understood least, while women generally accepted me with smiles and hugs...now men have accepted my transition, and they know it doesn't affect their manhood in the least, and I'm just one of the girls now.

My advice, if you know how to swim..."Come on in, the water's fine!"

[Christine Eryn]

I'm stealth for the most part, but I've personally met trans people that are freely transitioning and are making no attempts to hide it. More courageous than myself I must say. I've even seen many in public that are really "out in the open" so to speak, and have no problems with it.

[Violet Bloom]

  I have not transitioned completely in the open, although the amount of time I do spend in girl-mode is slowly but steadily increasing.  Initially I was not in the right place mentally to be able to handle it without generating serious anxiety.  I realized that I was worrying about what could happen rather than what would happen.  If I'd known how insignificantly it would have been treated by the general public then maybe I could have been more confident about it much earlier on.  My experience has been that nobody cared or made obvious expressions that they saw my presentation as out of place, and service people almost always got the pronouns right when addressing me even if I didn't pass to them.

  I thought I was doing very well getting around openly and stress-free, but after a recent trip away from Toronto I realized that my understanding of it still had a long way to go.  I just spent five days away on a train trip to Montreal and it was the first time I'd ever left Toronto in girl-mode and the longest I'd ever spent continuously presenting that way.  It was a real eye-opener for me because I experienced just as absent a public response as I already had at home.  Only two service people gendered me wrong and only upon first seeing me, which they later corrected.  I don't view it as a matter of passing or not.  It was more important to me that I was simply treated like an ordinary human being.  I'm now convinced that very much sooner than I was planning I will go full-time even though that means I will then be "transitioning in the open" for the rest of my progression.  It will end up being worth it.

[Stevie]

I've lost about 125~130 pounds (started at 250 down to between 175/170 ... Keeps going up and down, but gradually down.)

Amy,
I'm happy you have been able to lose that weight .

[samblack]

first off, congrats on the weight loss. that's awesome and super inspiring.
I gained like 45 pounds while I was on lithium last winter and I still have it but since I've started accepting myself I've been much more motivated to change. Baby steps, right?

I'm transitioning in the open currently because I don't want to wait.
I'm graduating from grad school in May and I have the opportunity to pack up (me and my twins) and move to a new town, so I could just pick up and leave and start fresh. it would be complicated but it's an option. However, being a single parent of twin boys (with special needs) would be hard without family around so I'm thinking I'll stay here. so I'm transitioning now. I've began wearing boys clothes, however I did wear some boys clothes before but I also wore very feminien clothing too. I'm in a program with a bunch of really preppy well dressed young woman and I wanted to fit in. But I've cut my hair real short and started binding and all and no one has said anything so I'm just doing it, and trying not to care what other people think. I think I'm going to be somewhat open about it too. Not that I'm going to announce it to everyone but if it was appropriate and I felt safe, I would imply it in conversation or just outright say it casually. Maybe if I treat it like no big deal, they will too? I've known a lot of these girls since undergrad so, four years now. I think a lot of them will be accepting, and the rest.... well, I really don't care.
I don't really know how I will handle transitioning out in the open once I graduate and try to find a job though, that part scares me. I'm worried that people won't hire me because of it. I plan on talking to the head of my program about it, I'm almost positive she will be supportive.

[JustASeq]

I am transitioning openly. I kinda took care of telling all the people that I care about first, so at this point I kinda feel like nobody will stop me from being myself. I did move to the San Francisco bay area with the help of my employer with the pure intention of transitioning openly and more comfortably than I felt I could have in DC. Things have been going good so far, I moved out here in August of last year. I haven't had any problems (other than normal problems for females) even when I was presenting female pre-HRT. It has been about 5 months since I started HRT.

BTW, congrats on the weight loss!

[robin s]

I too am transitioning in the open. Although I have had a rude cashier once it has really been a non issue. That being said I do know that there are places in the state I live that I can't go. It pays to do a little research.

[Stevie]

 I just had an encounter with a cashier the other day that upset me. I know that I don't pass a lot of the time, and while it does bother me to get called sir, its understandable.
This cashier however started out calling me ma'am, but then switched to sir and then back to ma'am he did this several times over the course of the transaction,it made me feel horrible.