I came out to my parents a few months ago via a long, awkward conversation with my mother, and it's been a strange path from there. I did all that I could, I gave them pamphlets, I've tried to talk with them... and, for the most part, it's been alright. No one's verbally expressed their anger towards me or anyone else. However, that's the problem. Nobody's talking. No one's talking about anything at all. It's like I've suddenly been pushed back into a closet again, only this time, they know my weaknesses and simply don't acknowledge it.
Compared to all of the nonsense that I've seen happen to other friends, whose parents have gone through kicking out their children and getting divorces, it could be so much worse for me. I know that, and I'm so grateful for having a family who's willing to stick together through times like these. However, I... I think it's important to talk about it, but I don't know what to do about it.
It's like... nothing's changed.
That's what I was really wanting, I realize. For them to treat me like who I want to be, the big strong boy of the family. That's what I know I want now. It's not happening. I know it's so hard for them, and I wish every day that I didn't cause a burden for my parents because I already cause so much trouble in my family. I'm sick and exhausted and emotional, more than anyone else in my household. It's... not enough, it's not enough and I worry that, if it's not happening months afterward, it may never happen.
Mom's still talking about sending me to Girlscout camp, Dad's still calling me his girl, my brothers still call me princess. I told all of them. I told them that I wanted them to recognize me as male. Nothing. Nothing at all. I don't know if this is selfish, I don't really know much anymore, but... it hurts that no one's really treating me any different.
I'm sorry.
