Is the grass really greener on the other side?

[Jessica15]

This is a question for those of you whom transitioned or are pretty far along in the transition process?

Is it everything you hoped for?

Or after a while does the novelty kind of wear off?...perhaps not enough to go back to being male, but maybe you'd remain a crossdresser if you knew in advance how it really is?  I find myself at a crossroad here.  I'm 33 now and have been crossdressing since I was 12.  I can either take the leap and transition, or continue living a double life, switching back and forth whenever and wherever it suits me best?

[Miss_Bungle1991]

It's been fine. My expectations were low, anyway. So....yeah.

[Jill F]

It worked out great for me, but what worked for me might not exactly work for anyone else.

I suggest baby steps and calculated moves in transitioning.  If your next step works, consider taking the next one after that.  If you take a small step that doesn't feel right, you stop and maybe even take a step back.  Many steps are reversible, but beard removal, breasts and some surgical procedures may not be.  Try to be 100% sure with these.

[mrs izzy]

Is it everything you hoped for? Yes and them some.

Or after a while does the novelty kind of wear off? No never a novelty for me. Was real life pain

[PinkCloud]

No regrets, but it wasn't always easy. I transitioned at your current age. I would do it again, despite the issues and problems it brought me. Mostly social issues such as non-acceptance by family that made everything 10 times worse. Still, I would do it again. The novelty of HRT did wear of, and it became normal. Surgery seems to settle down as well. Currently 6 weeks, and I no longer see it as something new, like it always was part of me.

[BunnyBee]

I mean, it is everything I hoped for I guess, but there is no novelty.  If you seek thrill or unceasing joy, transition won't bring that long-term, just a fact.  Through this process I shed pretense, along with the emotions that were tearing me into bits.  I am unbound.  I love being a woman, I would never be anything else, and that is why transition was necessary--this is who I am.  But novelty?  No, life feels pretty mundane, but that's good, life fits me.  It's pretty cool.

But, that's me.

My experience may not be yours.  Doubt is your subconscious telling you to slow down and feel things out carefully.  Listen to your subconscious, it's smarter than you.  I have just some pretty easy advice to follow: when going one direction brings more peace, keep going in that direction.  When it doesn't, slow down, try different things.  Find your peace and follow it.  It is so simple if you take things slow.  It's when you hurry and scurry that you risk over-correcting and speeding headlong into regret.

When you think about not transitioning, how does that make you feel?  Dread?  Peace?  Your feelings have all the answers, you just have to ask the right questions, and listen.

I am thankful I never really dealt with doubt in my transition, but the cost of that assurance was letting myself desiccate first.  It was preeeeetty obvious what was needed at that point, but it nearly cost me my life, so... prob not worth.

PS Transition is HARD.  Don't go into it thinking it will be anything else.  Best case, it's the hardest thing you ever succeed at in your life.

[Jenna Marie]

Yes, it's everything I hoped for and then some, but yes, the novelty wears off. I had the "gender euphoria" and joy at the beginning, and now I'm just a normal woman living a boring life. But the difference is that now there's not a constant, fluctuating level of default pain and dysphoria; ordinary novelty-free life is still *heaven* compared to how I was suffering before.

[Ms Grace]

Avoid thinking of this as a cure for all your problems. Chances are it will help you deal with your dysphoria issues but again that will depend on what your expectations are and how high they are set. Cross dressing is not a permanent situation, transition - especially with surgery - pretty much is. Are you prepared to live everyday as a woman, change your details, out yourself to people you know and your work? Life still has its challenges living as a woman, some are even the same as before. But at least I am now living as the person who I know I am. I wouldn't say that the grass is greener on this side, but to me it is at least the right shade of green.

[Clhoe G]

I'm not one of these long time HRT girls, being only near 9 months in, but it's really hard at the start, like you just want it to all happen over night n are constantly looking for even the slightest change, making yourself very anxious n sometimes moody n upset, but totally overwhelmed with joy when you do notice something has changed, even tho you know the full transition is only achieved around year 4, you can't help but think that one day, all these ups n downs will be worth it.

Sorry if I crashed your thread, but I just had to say it already feels worth it.

[suzifrommd]

This is a question for those of you whom transitioned or are pretty far along in the transition process?

Is it everything you hoped for?

From a year and a half into full time, pretty much YES.

[ImagineKate]

Pardon me if this sounds a bit insensitive, but one only has to look at the detransition sub forum to see that the activity there is very low. It seems as though most girls (and guys) are happy with their new selves. This is in spite of the fact that we may lose many things to transition - marriages, relationships, ability to reproduce, respect, male privilege and sometimes our jobs and some aspects of our health. Being authentic must be a nice feeling. I hope I can be authentic one day.

Of course there are a few who have regret and who want to go back. This is why we proceed slowly and cautiously with tons of guidance from medical and psychological professionals as well as stepping back from time to time to make sure we are doing the right thing.

[BreezyB]

Hi Jessica,

So I hope you don't mind me adding a 'mid-transition' perspective. Before I started transition I simply thought I was a cross dresser, however I didn't actually enjoy it. By that I mean I did it only because I knew no other means of 'fixing' what I thought was wrong. Don't get me wrong, it did help, but it didn't give me any joy or satisfaction.

So since starting transition 6 months ago, I haven't been happier, albeit I've had the most challenging time of my life.... Hmm, go figure hey! But I think this is it though, I have no desire to 'dress up' like I once did when I was younger, I mean I just wear what's cmfortable, and fitting with where I'm at in my transition. And so androgynous female clothing is just fine.

But am I happy, hell yeah! Whilst I've had a rough couple of weeks, and this Friday coming out to my work is slightly tough, hey, I'm finally being me, and I dint care what people think. I've now come out to everyone, family, and friends,  some of work... My loss tally, one friend, a girlfriend, a brother, and that's it really. I still have a guy friend, two girlfriends, my kids, their mum, one of my brothers etc.

So is it worth it? Yes, I can say for me it is. And I'm looking forward to every minute, although it's often tough, bring it on!

Good luck Jessica, pm me if you want to chat.

Hugs,
Bree

[Ariel Renée]

So I hope you don't mind me adding a 'mid-transition' perspective. Before I started transition I simply thought I was a cross dresser, however I didn't actually enjoy it. By that I mean I did it only because I knew no other means of 'fixing' what I thought was wrong. Don't get me wrong, it did help, but it didn't give me any joy or satisfaction.

I had a very similar experience...I dressed up in makeup and a dress with socks in my girlfriends bra and it felt....incomplete....that's when i opened up to myself that i really felt this desire in my heart to transition, and it was never going to go away... At first i was like "GIVE ME HORMONES NOW"...but after meditated i see their is still a little conflict in me, which is why i plan on taking time with a therapist and not rushing into things.  Its more than just changing your body...It's like two sides of a coin and you are going to tails instead of heads....The social ramifications are not to be taken lightly, i believe...I think that's where people who rush have doubts and try to go back....So for six months i plan on just doing the basics...grow my hair out...wax myself (I am actually pretty hairy on my chest and shoulders, which makes me really uncomfortable now)...learn to change my voice...stuff like that. 

[BreezyB]

I had a very similar experience...I dressed up in makeup and a dress with socks in my girlfriends bra and it felt....incomplete....that's when i opened up to myself that i really felt this desire in my heart to transition, and it was never going to go away... At first i was like "GIVE ME HORMONES NOW"...but after meditated i see their is still a little conflict in me, which is why i plan on taking time with a therapist and not rushing into things.  Its more than just changing your body...It's like two sides of a coin and you are going to tails instead of heads....The social ramifications are not to be taken lightly, i believe...I think that's where people who rush have doubts and try to go back....So for six months i plan on just doing the basics...grow my hair out...wax myself (I am actually pretty hairy on my chest and shoulders, which makes me really uncomfortable now)...learn to change my voice...stuff like that.

I think that's quite wise Ariel. I mean, I hit a point where I couldn't continue (at least not without an option out of being male) being a guy. But I didn't do anything before HRT, I men I start HRT, laser hair removal and Counselling I think all in the first week. Look I don't regret it, but I can see it would have been wiser to concentrate on hair removal first. I'm approaching living full time and worried about still having sme facial hair. But I would agree, take it easy, speak to someone, and concentrate on other atuff before hrt, as long as that works for you though