Surprised my hetero cis dude with a stiff one

[ElioAyla]

So I know at least a few guys around here who are in relationships with hetero, cis men who try to ignore the reality of our gender identities, pushing the matter under the rug and sometimes flat out denying us in painful ways.  I'm drinking my way through the day, taking pills and feeling miserable, but I'm getting to this tipping point. I'm reckless.

Well guys, tonight I did something crazy.

Today I got my realdoe package (double entendre) in the mail, so i just wore it around the place till my partner of 5 yrs noticed.
We had a fight the night before, so he went to try and be affectionate to me, till he felt my rock hard junk. XD

It was really weird. I cant say it was bad, but he barely touched it, deff didn't want to think of it as my dick. It was weird. At one point he said that every time he looked at my dick he wanted to vomit. And believe me, that flipped the switch from really turned on to really turned off, and hurt me, and opened my eyes. He will never love Elio, the male part of me. He can only love Ayla. He will never love the full me, every part, the real me.

So I guess the next step is mandatory open relationship.
Cuz according to Grindr (woe is my alcoholic, anxiety ridden, socially awkward social life), there's a lot of guys who wouldn't mind me being both, and would be glad to help me explore being me. And I bet they probably wouldn't want to puke on my dick. Maybe some of them would want to puke on my chest instead.
Sheeeeiiit....

Maybe he'll warm up to it. But yeah, I guess you can't really change heterosexual guys and make them like guys.
->-bleeped-<-. Wish I woulda known 5 years ago when he lied and told me he was bisexual.
Shucks.
At least I got my rocks off.
Sorry for being lewd, but yeah.
I guess I deserve it for sticking around right?
Weak boy, you'll never be a man.   My mind is going haywire.

Cheers.

[Bran]

Not quite the same situation but-- my wife is a lesbian and actively turned off by guy stuff. She knows I'm trans (neither of us knew when we got together) and we're talking about it. But I'm trying to keep most of the visible evidence out of her way for now.  Don't yet know if I'm giving her time to adjust or putting off the inevitable.

Which are you doing? If the breakup is going to happen, it's usually easier to stay friends if it comes sooner.

[LittleBoyBear]

That really sucks, I'm sorry.

[beaver]

I can imagine how bad that must feel. I went out of a five-year relationship shortly after I started my transition as well. Sometimes I still have regrets, hoping it would work out, but there were a bunch of reasons other than my transition that ended the relationship. Perhaps it is very difficult for significant others to accept that you are not exactly the same as the person that they thought they fell in love with (if that makes sense). I'm sorry that you have to go through this. Be strong, brother. Stay safe.

[Gothic Dandy]

Ohhh duuuude... >_<

I know exactly how you feel and I'm so sorry you're going through it.

[dentistsandthedark]

I'm so sorry you're in that situation *supportive hugs*

Have you tried talking to him about it, in like hypothetical terms so it's easier for him to get his head around it? Cis people are kinda... slow when it comes to these things. And like, I wouldn't like that sort of hard (haha) evidence of a partner's different-than-I'm-used-to gender to be sprung on me without warning, and I'm trans and pan!

But yeah you can't change people's sexuality, and it's nobody's fault really, just unfortunate circumstances

[captains]

you've got to know... honor your marriage covenant.
I'm not judging you but
if you can't get any within marriage it's no grounds for adultery...
and also pulling a dick out like that is as good as trying to forcibly change a person's sexual orientation .I'm not surprised he's revulsed.

I don't believe they are married, but I could be wrong. Also, OP clearly stated that the relationship is now/was always open and non-monogamous, as well as the fact that the OP's partner identifies as bisexual.

[ElioAyla]

The part that really gets to me is that he told me he was bisexual. That was the fifth thing I asked him. Multiple friends referred to me as he in front of him.

He denies me. Trans people don't exist to him. He has a million attempts to rationalize it with pathology and spiritual ways. I am being erased every day. I'm not real to him, just a joke.

I talked about getting the dick, avidly, before it arrived. it's not like the first time he was told of my gender.

We are in a relationship that was open in the past but not quite currently, and no, we are not married, nor do we have any little human tag alongs.

I don't know what I'm gonna do. Play the field?  I still love the guy and he loves me too. He can leave me if he makes that call. I'm too much of a passive piece of ->-bleeped-<- to really care. At least I'm not babbling at the wall......

[Bran]

you've got to know... honor your marriage covenant.
I'm not judging you but
if you can't get any within marriage it's no grounds for adultery...
and also pulling a dick out like that is as good as trying to forcibly change a person's sexual orientation .I'm not surprised he's revulsed.

Speaking for myself here-- I find this response to be extremely rude and inappropriate.  You say you're not judging, but what you said is extremely judgmental.  You have no place judging someone else's marriage, or telling anyone else what their obligations are.   

Whatever you think about the original post, if conservative moralizing is all you have to say about it, you might consider not saying anything at all.

". . .honor your marriage covenant. . . ."  Absolutely unbelievable.

[Polo]

To her credit, Bran, she did apologize afterward. We all suffer from foot-in-mouth disease sometimes...

[Bran]

To her credit, Bran, she did apologize afterward. We all suffer from foot-in-mouth disease sometimes...

It appears that she was apologising for having assumed the OP was in a monogamous marriage to a heterosexual man.  Her comments would have been equally atrocious if that assumption had been true.  My strong objection is to the idea that one person has the right to tell another they should "honor the marriage covenant", or say "if you can't get any within marriage it's no grounds for adultery."  I am in a monogamous marriage and may one day face the same choice as the OP, so what Hanazono said is quite personal to me.  And I find her judgments unwelcome and offensive. 

Anyway, not my thread.  But, misdirected apology or no, I couldn't let that one pass without comment.

[Ms Grace]

 
The apology was made. Let's move on and leave it be, OK?

[MrSeahorse]

I am so sorry, man. I was in a similar situation with a woman, only she cheated on me with a guy because "she wanted to try a real dick." I had to throw her out because she wanted me to stay as her emotional support even though she didn't want to return the favor or want to interact with my body the way I wanted her to. I still loved her when I threw her out, but it was the best thing I could have done for myself. I had a lot of inertia to stay because we had been together for 8 years at that point. DTMFA.